


The Sleeper Wakes

by kellsbells



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Cheating, F/F, Non-Consensual Kissing, Suicidal Thoughts, non-consensual sexual contact (not rape)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2019-04-20 16:34:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 17
Words: 74,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14265141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kellsbells/pseuds/kellsbells
Summary: Kara's final fight with Reign leaves her in a prolonged coma. When she wakes a year later, she finds that everyone has moved on without her. Alex and Maggie are married, Reign - Sam - is National City's new superhero, and Lena Luthor, her best friend, confidante, the woman who had stood by her side since they met - she despises Kara for things she had no control over. (And one thing she did.) Kara is lost, untethered, and she decides to talk to the only person who has always given her direction and advice, Cat Grant. Will she find a new life, or will she find that the coma has only let her go free so it can catch her again and drag her under for good this time?





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Please note the tags here, people. There is non-consensual kissing and touching here, but it's not in any way an attempt at rape. It's hard to explain without reading further. Some of it is slightly uncomfortable reading though, so please read with caution. The idea for the coma pulling Kara back in comes from an ancient episode of ER where a traumatised teenager (played by Stana Katic) wakes from a coma but ends up back in it because she relives the trauma that put her there in the first place.

* * *

 

When Reign was finally defeated, Supergirl was left, once again, comatose from her efforts. She had pulled together her strength and allies from other Earths and Mon-El’s crew of superheroes from the future, but in the end, beating Reign had come down to her. Everyone else was down for the count, and Kara herself burned her powers out, beaten half to death before Sam emerged from inside of the Worldkiller. Sam saw what she’d done, and she wept, and Reign was gone for good. Her tears didn’t help Kara, though. Kara was still gone, left, drifting. Like the Phantom Zone, the coma was a never-ending nightmare. She lived all of the worst moments of her life on a constant loop. The loss of Krypton, Astra’s death, Mon-El leaving, Mon-El coming back with a wife, Lena almost dying constantly, Alex floating lifelessly in a tank full of water.

 

She wasn’t sure how long it had been, but when she eventually started emerging from her coma, during brief moments of consciousness, she saw Alex and Maggie, and J’onn, and Winn, and… that was it. How long had she been gone? Eliza turned up after a while, and a while after that - days or weeks, maybe - Kara came around completely.

 

“Welcome back, Supergirl,” were Alex’s first words to her, words breathed out in one long sigh of relief.

 

“Hey,” Kara croaked. Alex grabbed her a little water, and she drank it through a straw. It soothed and hurt at the same time. “How long?”

 

Alex winced.

 

“How long, Alex?” Kara managed, before taking another sip of water.

 

“Almost a year, Kara.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“We almost lost you,” Alex said, and then she started to cry, leaning her head on Kara’s abdomen, and Kara was able to move her hands to stroke her sister’s hair and soothe her, and then there were other people coming into the room, and the rest of the day was a blur, and Kara fell asleep – really asleep this time, not drifting in that awful in-between place.

 

She caught up on news slowly, in between long periods of sleep, her body slowly regenerating from the coma. Her powers weren’t back, but Alex was sure that they would come back, now that Kara was awake again.

 

Clark and Lois had a kid, an adoptive half-alien from when the Daxamites had invaded. Thankfully the kid wasn’t a product of rape, but the mother didn’t want the reminder of the invasion after losing family members to the invaders. Lois met him in the course of investigating something, and one thing led to another.

 

“He’s coming up to see you tomorrow,” Alex confirmed, smiling as Kara went into raptures of delight over pictures of Jonathan Kent Junior. Or Jon-El, as he was known to some.

 

“How have things been in the city without me?” Kara asked.

 

Alex paused, her face tight with caution.

 

“We’ve had some help. Things have been under control.”

 

“Who?” Kara asked.

 

“We’ll talk about it another time, Kara,” Alex said, and that was all she could be coaxed into saying on the subject.

 

Clark did come the next day, and he cried when he saw her awake.

 

“I thought you were… I didn’t think I’d get to see you again, after what…” he trailed off, wiping his eyes and glaring at Alex, for some reason.

 

“I’m fine,” Kara said, smiling. She was still too weak to move much, but she was alive, and that was the main thing.

 

“I’m so glad, cuz,” he said, holding her for ages. Lois joined them a few minutes later, with a little solemn boy, about eighteen months old now, blond-haired and blue-eyed.

 

“Hey, sweetie. You must be Jonathan,” Kara said, smiling.

 

“I mus’ be,” he agreed, nodding. “You daddy cousin?”

 

“I am,” Kara agreed solemnly. “I’ve been a little unwell. Do you think you could give me a hug, to make me feel a bit better?”

 

He nodded gravely, going to his dad, who lifted him onto Kara’s bed where he gave her a hug that made her ribs creak.

 

“Thanks, Jonathan. I’m Kara. It’s really nice to meet you,” Kara said, ruffling his hair. He was adorable.

 

“Nice meet you too, Kawa,” he said. It was so adorable that Kara had to hold back a ‘squee’ of delight. It wasn’t unusual for a Daxamite or Kryptonian child to speak in full sentences at his age, so while he wasn’t exactly at that standard, he was ahead of most humans his age. The rest of Kara’s time with Clark, Lois and Jonathan was wonderful, just the kind of visit she needed to raise her spirits, but she quickly tired and had to sleep, Clark promising to visit again soon. As she drifted under, she thought she heard a familiar heartbeat, and she tried to rouse herself, but Eliza’s fingers stroking through her hair lulled her to sleep, and she passed out.

 

It was a few days later, and she was walking, doing a circuit from her bed to the commissary and back. She was thankfully allowed to wear DEO uniform instead of her hospital gown, because that could have been embarrassing. She figured enough people had seen her bare ass to last a lifetime, by now.

 

She ate some of the amazing curry the chef had made that day, apparently in her honour, and then made her way slowly back to her bed, Alex hovering over her the entire time. When she was about 20 metres from the door of her hospital room, she suddenly heard the heartbeat again. Lena’s. It was definitely Lena’s. She went to move in the direction of the heartbeat, but her knees weren’t strong enough, and Alex had to grab her, supporting her on the way back to her room.

 

“Alex. Where is Lena?” Kara asked, when she was lying on her bed and she’d caught her breath.

 

“She’s… she’s been busy,” Alex said, looking away.

 

“You’re lying to me,” Kara said, flatly. “My super hearing has been coming back. It’s a little patchy, but I can hear her heartbeat. Why is she at the DEO, and why hasn’t she been here?”

 

Alex’s jaw tightened.

 

“She… after you… after what happened, she kept contacting me, asking for information on Supergirl. And then asking where you were. She stayed outside your apartment for two days, Kara. I had to do something. J’onn almost… well, he was considering altering her mind, but I talked him down because I knew you’d never forgive him. So we brought her here, got her to sign the usual paperwork, and I brought her here to see you.”

 

“Okay,” Kara said, confused. “So she knows? That I’m Supergirl?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“So why isn’t she here?” Kara asked, frowning.

 

“One of the days when Lena was sitting with you, Reign was being taken from interrogation back to the cells,” Alex said, sighing.

 

“What do you mean, Reign? I remember, before I passed out – she was Sam, again. Reign was gone; she beat her, she took her life back,” Kara said, biting off each word angrily.

 

“I know, Kara. Her being detained wasn’t my call. It was… General Lane and his people insisted, and they convinced the President that we should keep Sam under lock and key.”

 

“Okay,” Kara said. “So what happened next?”

 

“Lena saw that Sam was here, that she was being held prisoner. And Ruby was in foster care – she’s not anymore, I promise you, it was just temporary – and Lena got mad. Like, really mad. She threatened to go to the press, to Cat Grant, to anyone who would listen and tell them about this black ops agency holding innocent aliens against their will.”

 

“Okay,” Kara said, still unsure what this had to do with her.

 

“We came to a compromise. I took Ruby for a while, and Lena agreed that we could hold Sam for a month until we could be sure that Reign was really gone. I did every test I could think of. J’onn put her through the most awful tests. He pretended to be Ruby, and had someone ‘murder’ him in front of Sam. She still didn’t turn. So we let her go. And now… well. She’s National City’s superhero in residence.”

 

“Oh,” Kara said, her breath catching in her throat. “How did that happen?”

 

“There was an accident, at the docks. A couple of months after she was released. A crane fell, and she was there with Ruby and some other kids, for a school trip or something. She caught the crane and saved the kids. No-one but the kids saw her face, and they’re all sworn to secrecy. She… it turns out that part of the DNA for Reign came from… it came from Astra. They chose the strongest warrior they could find for their Worldkiller. She wears the crest, now. She chose the In-Ze crest, to honour you and your family,” Alex said awkwardly.

 

Kara nodded, trying not to let her extreme disquiet seep out. The woman who had almost killed her was now her… replacement? And she was a relative, sort of. How was Kara supposed to handle that, exactly?

 

“So why haven’t I seen Lena?” Kara asked, bracing herself for the answer.

 

Alex winced again.

 

“Just tell me, Alex. We might as well get it over with,” she said quietly, resigned.

 

“After Sam was released from here, Lena was angry at the DEO for what they did, and she still came to see you, but her visits sort of… tailed off. She comes in every time Sam does, to make sure that no harm comes to Sam, I guess, but she hasn’t been here – to see you - for a while.”

 

“How long is a while?” Kara asked.

 

“About six months,” Alex said. “She’s… she was pretty mad at you, for hiding who you were, and I think after a while, that, coupled with worrying about you and worrying about Sam… she just didn’t want to be here.”

 

“And now that she knows I’m awake? She still doesn’t want to see me?” Kara asked.

 

Alex shook her head, looking away.

 

“I’m sorry, Kara.”

 

“It’s fine,” Kara said quickly, swallowing. “I always knew she’d be mad if she found out. At least… at least she has Sam.”

 

Alex shifted uncomfortably.

 

“What is it, Alex?” Kara asked tonelessly.

 

“Sam and Lena, they… they’re engaged,” Alex said. “They got together a while after Sam was released from the DEO. I’m sorry.”

 

Kara nodded, her mind racing. It shouldn’t hurt, because clearly she had lost Lena already, as her friend, but for some reason, the thought of Sam and Lena together hurt more than anything else did. She couldn’t have said why.

 

“Sam… she asked if I would ask you. She wants to see you, to apologise,” Alex said, after a moment’s silence.

 

“Um, sure. Let me think about it for a while,” Kara said. “I’m going to sleep now. Could you turn off the lights?”

 

Alex nodded, gripping her shoulder and squeezing it for a moment.

 

“I’m here if you need me,” she whispered.

 

“Thank you,” Kara said, tonelessly. When she was sure Alex was gone she let herself cry, silently, into her pillow. She felt like her whole life was over, even though nothing had really changed, except the loss of Lena.

 

A few days later, Kara was almost back to her old self. Her strength was back, her invulnerability, and her super-senses were there, if a little sporadic. It was decided that she would be let out, but Alex had to stay with her until she was 100%.

 

“Are you sure you’re ready for this?” Alex asked, brushing Kara’s hair back from her eyes.

 

“I am so sick of this place, Alex. And clearly no-one needs me,” she said, a little bitterly. Alex raised an eyebrow at that. “I might as well get back to my life. What’s left of it.”

 

Alex nodded, pursing her lips. She grabbed Kara’s bag and led her to the elevator, and then they were in the command centre. J’onn smiled as he saw them, and he gave Kara a hug when she was close enough.

 

“It’s so good to see you on your feet, Supergirl,” he said, beaming.

 

Kara smiled back, enjoying the feeling of a superhuman hug.

 

“It’s good to be awake,” she said, honestly. It really was. Her coma had been one unending nightmare.

 

They made their way to the exit, and Kara was stunned to walk into someone with a body just as strong and hard as hers. She looked up, seeing Reign – Sam – standing over her.

 

“Oh my god, Kara, I’m so sorry!” Sam said, one hand on her mouth. She held out a hand to help Kara to her feet, and Kara hesitated, because those hands were the ones that had beaten her nearly to death. She took a deep breath, grasping Sam’s hand, and she was pulled to her feet.

 

“It’s fine, I wasn’t watching where I was going,” Kara said. “You look good,” she said, indicating Sam’s uniform. It was Purple and grey, with the crest of In-Ze proudly displayed on her chest. “My Aunt Astra would be pleased, to know her blood still fought for what was right.”

 

Sam smiled, looking relaxed. “ _You’re_ her blood, Kara. I’m just a clone, basically. Or so we discovered. But I am proud to stand up in her name, and in yours. It… I like to think it makes up, at least a little, for what I… for what I’ve done.”

 

“It wasn’t your fault,” Kara said, clasping Sam’s forearm. Sam returned the gesture. “You aren’t responsible for what was done to you. No more than I was responsible when I was poisoned with red kryptonite. From what I’ve heard, you’re doing a great job.”

 

“Thank you,” Sam said, tears trickling from her eyes. “I’m so glad to see you up and about.”

 

“It’s nice to be in the land of the living,” Kara said, trying not to think about her coma.

 

“It’s nice to see you back,” Lena said, from behind Sam. Kara jumped. Her super-hearing must have been out again; she hadn’t heard a thing. Lena stepped out, nodding at Kara and Alex. Her face was impassive, and Kara’s heart sank. She had hoped that when Lena saw her, she might… she might at least smile, and seem happy to see her. But apparently Kara wasn’t forgiven.

 

“Thank you,” Kara said, quietly. “It’s nice to see you too. Congratulations, both of you, on your engagement.”

 

“Thank you,” Lena said stiffly. Sam echoed her, smiling.

 

“I should…” Kara gesticulated awkwardly at the door, swallowing spasmodically. “I should get out of your way. I’m sure you’re busy.”

 

Lena nodded curtly, and Sam smiled, squeezing Kara’s arm again. Her grip felt like a vice.

 

Kara stifled a sob as she moved into the entryway and out into the parking garage. She was a few steps in when she had to stop, covering her mouth with her hands. Alex was right on her tail and wrapped herself around Kara, squeezing her gently.

 

“I’m so sorry, Kar,” she murmured, as Kara sobbed. “I thought… I thought once she saw you, she’d be okay. But it seems like she still blames you for everything, even the stuff you had nothing to do with, like Sam getting locked up.”

 

Kara nodded into Alex’s shoulder. She knew she should have told Lena earlier. Even Lillian had warned her that Lena would hate her. But she never thought she’d have to see that look on Lena’s face. Like Kara meant nothing to her. It was… it was worse than any of her nightmares. Worse than any of the dreams of losing Lena, because she was alive, she was right there, but she hated Kara.

 

Alex managed to calm her down enough that they got in her car and headed back to Kara’s apartment, which was just like she left it, but she couldn’t stop the tears, and she went to her bed as soon as she’d eaten something, Alex sitting next to her with a book, watching over her worriedly. She slept until the next morning, and she went to the roof first thing to pray to Rao that she might find a place in this new world she had found herself in, where her best friend was gone, and National City didn’t need her anymore.

 

She bathed in Sol’s light, feeling her powers steady and improve as she did so, but she got no answer from Rao as to where she fit, here. Did she even have a job anymore? She hadn’t thought to ask Alex.

 

When she went back inside of her apartment, she found Alex making pancakes, which were the only food she could make reliably without destroying the kitchen. She sat down, smiling at her sister, glad to be spending time with her again.

 

“Are you feeling any better, after…?” Alex trailed off, serving up a plateful of pancakes and putting the syrup next to Kara.

 

“I am,” Kara said, chewing already. “I guess I needed to see her with my own eyes. She really hates me.”

 

“She doesn’t hate you,” Alex said, frowning. “She’s just hurt that you never told her, and the last time her mom kidnapped her, she made a big thing about it, how Lena was stupid not to see it, and how you were playing her the whole time. She’ll come around.”

 

“Maybe,” Kara said, “but I don’t think it’s likely. She looked at me like I was nothing to her.”

 

“She loves you, Kara. It’s just… without you here to defend yourself, to make her remember who you are to her, she’s been free to think all sorts of things about you. In time, she’ll remember why you were friends in the first place.”

 

“I hope you’re right,” Kara said, turning to look out the window. She didn’t want to talk about it anymore.

 

There was an awkward silence and Alex spoke, after a while.

 

“James has taken over at CatCo again. Lena pops in from time to time, but mostly he runs things. He said to tell you that your job is waiting for you, if you want it.”

 

Kara nodded. She wasn’t sure she did want her job back. What was the point? She’d been gone for almost a year; wouldn’t it be obvious that she was Supergirl if she went back to work now, just as Supergirl was seen again in the skies of National City? She suddenly stopped thinking, then. Because… was she even needed, now? As Supergirl? Because they had their own Kryptonian, and it seemed that Sam was stronger than her. Especially after a protracted coma.

 

“So what happens now?” Kara asked abruptly. “I’ve been working with the DEO, but now you have Sam. Do you even need me anymore?”

 

Alex frowned.

 

“Kara, you aren’t even fully recovered. There’s no need to worry about any of that, at least not yet.”

 

“I do worry,” Kara said. “I need to know if I even have a place here in National City anymore.”

 

“You are the only person who can decide that, Kara. National City still needs Supergirl. Even with Sam being here. And I need you. I just got you back!”

 

“I know,” Kara said, taking Alex’s hand and squeezing it. “I know. I’m here. Stop panicking.”

 

Alex nodded, relaxing. But Kara’s mind was still moving, thinking, wondering. What was she needed for, now? Her being gone had only really affected Alex, but Alex had Maggie, and they were getting married, right?

  
“What about you and Maggie? How are things?” Kara asked.

 

“We… we got married. A few months back,” Alex said, a little shame-faced. “We didn’t know if you were going to wake up anytime soon, and we just… we wanted to be married. So we are. I brought the pictures. They’re in an album near your bed.”

 

“Oh, wow. Congratulations, Alex,” Kara said, dumbfounded. She stood, pulling her sister into a hug, while her heart broke inside of her. She really had been left behind. She might as well have died.

 

She dutifully looked at the pictures when Alex fetched them from the bedroom, smiling and hugging her sister. Alex and Maggie looked beautiful on their big day, with Eliza and Sam and Lena by their side, among others.

 

“So you and Lena are still friends?” Kara asked, casually, later.

 

“She forgave me, because I was just following orders and we didn’t really know each other before,” Alex said, shrugging uncomfortably. “I’m sorry. I know this hurts.”

 

“It’s… it’ll be fine,” Kara said, smiling. “It’ll just take a little time.”

 

Alex left her a little while later, going to check in with the DEO and with Maggie, and Kara sat on the windowsill, looking out at the city and wondering about her future. Going back to CatCo didn’t feel right, for some reason. And where was Cat, now? Still the Press Secretary? Or had she taken over the whole world by now?

 

Kara found her phone, packed up with the rest of her belongings, and plugged it in to charge. She sent a message to the last number she had for Cat, and quickly got an answer.

 

_Cat: Kara? No-one told me you had woken. How did that happen?_

 

_Kara: I have no idea, Miss Grant. It seems like I’m a little out of the loop. Just because I was in a coma for a year, people think I’m out of touch._

_Cat: Do I detect a hint of bitterness, there, Supergirl?_

_Kara: Why would I be bitter? Because I saved the world from a rogue alien who took my place protecting the city, who’s now marrying my best friend? The best friend who won’t talk to me anymore, because I lied to her? Definitely no bitterness, Miss Grant._

_Cat: It’s my imagination, clearly. Come see me, Kara. I told you once, you will always have a job with me._

_Kara: I’m grounded right now, Cat, or else I’d be there right away. Powers are too unpredictable._

_Cat: As soon as you can, then. We’ll talk about your future, and whether you think that’s still in National City. Carter would love to see you. He’s been missing you terribly. He doesn’t think much of this Superwoman._

Kara swore under her breath. So Reign was now Superwoman, and she was still Supergirl? Had she woken up in some sort of Black Mirror universe?

 

_Kara: Superwoman, huh? I guess the blonde hair relegated me to ‘girl’ status. She’s 13 years younger than me, Cat._

_Cat: Sorry, Kara. I still maintain that there’s nothing wrong with being called Supergirl, but I understand that your replacement being named Superwoman must sting._

_Kara: Why is it you get this in one short conversation, and Alex doesn’t seem to understand it at all?_

_Cat: I’m Cat Grant. I see things._

_Kara: You certainly do. I’ll contact you when I get my wings back._

_Cat: I look forward to it. Be well, Kara. I’m so glad you’re back with us._

Kara smiled as she set her phone down. Cat always had a habit of knowing how to cheer her up, even if it was just to commiserate with her about how shitty life could be. She was a great friend and role model, and Kara had missed her guidance since she left. She needed that kind of person in her life, now, because she really couldn’t see a way forward for her in National City, not anymore.


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara goes to see Cat and makes a decision about her future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. I don't think I've written anything that has had as many comments in the first chapter as this fic has. You all have strong opinions, and I get why you'd want Kara to leave Lena behind and be with Cat or Diana or whatever. But this is SuperCorp endgame, and because I'm fascinated by the idea of people messing up and being redeemed, that's where this is going. I hope you all will trust me to try to get us all there. Thank for all the kudos and comments etc. :)

* * *

A few days later, after a lot of boredom and a lot of binge-watching on Netflix, Kara was cleared to fly. She went with Alex to the DEO, and was handed a new uniform that Winn had apparently developed for her, in case she wanted to take to the skies again as Supergirl.

 

“Do you have anything more… incognito?” Kara asked, looking at the suit critically. It had the same colour scheme as her old suit, but the skirt had been replaced by pants. It looked different, the texture strange to her fingers.

 

“It’s a new material from the Ceasureans,” Winn explained. “And you won’t need something incognito, trust me. Go put it on.”

 

Kara rolled her eyes, changing at super-speed, and she stood in front of Winn impatiently. “Why won’t I need something incognito?” she asked.

 

“Because of this,” Winn said. “Press the button in the middle of your left palm.”

 

Kara did so, and gasped as her hand disappeared, along with the rest of her. She looked in the mirror, finding that she was invisible. To any onlookers, it would appear that Winn was alone in the room.

 

“That’ll do nicely,” she said, smiling at him. “Thanks, Winn.”

 

“I’ll tell you about the other features another day,” he said. “But don’t press anything you don’t understand, okay?”

 

She nodded. She made her way out of the DEO, hearing a familiar heartbeat approaching again. Lena. She decided, in a supremely cowardly act, to turn on the stealth function of the suit, floating past silently as Lena passed her near the doorway. Sam was right on Lena’s tail, and she could clearly sense someone there.

 

“It’s just me, Sam. I didn’t want Lena to see me,” Kara whispered. “I’m sorry.”

 

Sam nodded, just once, and Kara floated out through the open balcony. She was halfway to DC before she relaxed, breathing normally. Was this how it was always going to be, with her and Lena? Fight or flight? She hated that it had come to this. Maybe if she apologised? She had no idea if Lena would even speak to her if she tried.

 

She sighed, pushing her speed, relishing the feel of her muscles and long-unused powers straining. It felt wonderful, and she spun around in the air like a corkscrew, her hair whipping around her as she flew.

 

She landed near the White House, changing at super-speed into her normal clothing, and she lined up outside, showing her ID and waiting until Cat was ready to see her.

 

Cat was running behind, it appeared, but when she appeared, she pulled Kara into her office, hugging her for a really long time. When she pulled back, there were tears in her eyes.

 

“You idiot. You almost died!” she said, punching Kara on the shoulder. Gently.

 

“Yeah,” Kara said, sadly. “It wasn’t much fun.”

 

“Sit,” Cat said, waving a hand. “You were in a coma this whole time?”

 

“Yes,” Kara said, nodding. “I don’t remember anything after I saw Reign turn back into Sam. I was asleep.”

 

Cat looked at her over the rim of her glasses.

 

“You’re lying.”

 

“Yeah,” Kara said. She sighed.

 

“You can’t lie to me, Kara.”

 

“I know,” Kara said. She went quiet as one of the White House staff came in with a tray of food and drinks. She had eaten three sandwiches before she realised that Cat was watching her, amused.

 

“Did you want some of these?” she asked, around a mouthful of food. Cat frowned faintly.

 

“No, they’re for you, as you correctly surmised. But I had forgotten how gross your whole food… thing, is,” Cat said, wrinkling her nose and gesticulating vaguely at Kara. “Anyway. What really happened when you were under?”

 

“I never told you why I’m younger than Kal-El, did I?” Kara asked, scarfing down another sandwich.

 

“No,” Cat said, intrigued.

 

“I was in a pod, directly behind him,” Kara said, taking a sip of coffee. “That meant I was just a little closer when Krypton exploded. The shockwave caught my pod before it went into FTL. So Kal-El got here on time, and I got knocked into this part of space called the Phantom Zone.”

 

“I’m going to take a wild guess that the Phantom Zone wasn’t a happy, shiny place where you petted bunnies and puppies all the time?” Cat said, suddenly sounding sympathetic.

 

“Time doesn’t pass there. I didn’t know if it had been an eternity or a minute. I relived Krypton’s explosion, my mother’s last minutes, my dad’s face as he sent the pod away. For 24 years,” Kara said, tonelessly.

 

“Oh my god, Kara,” Cat said, leaning forward to touch Kara’s knee. “I’m so sorry.”

 

“It’s fine, Cat. It’s in the past. But… that’s what the coma was like. I saw all the horrible things that have happened in my life – not just Krypton, but Kal-El telling me he couldn’t look after me, Alex nearly dying, Lena nearly dying, Mon-El leaving, and then coming back married after 7 months – it was an endless loop of nightmares.”

 

“Jesus, Kara. Sometimes I don’t know how you even stand up.”

 

“Neither do I,” Kara confessed. “But that’s life, I guess. Or my life, at least.”

 

Cat nodded, eyes sharp as always.

 

“So you’re not sure about whether to go back to CatCo, I take it?” Cat asked, leaning back into her chair and sipping at her coffee.

 

“No,” Kara said. “I honestly have no idea what to do. National City clearly doesn’t need me as… her, and I’ve been out of journalism for a year. I don’t even know what’s been happening in the world.”

 

“Well, I have need of an assistant, as it happens,” Cat said. “I know you probably don’t want to go back to assistant duties, but this wouldn’t be the same as CatCo. This is assistant to the White House Press Secretary. The pay is very good, and it would utilise a lot more of your talents. I know you speak a number of languages, for example. And you and I both know that you’re capable of anything you set your mind to. And when I’m indisposed or busy, you’ll be the one briefing the press.”

 

Kara nodded. It was an incredible offer, and an incredible opportunity.

 

“Thank you,” she said, after a moment. “I need to talk to Alex, I think. And maybe some others. What do you think about Supergirl? Do you think she should come back?”

 

“I think that Supergirl is a symbol of hope, Kara. Whenever she’s ready to come back, the world will welcome her.”

 

“Thank you, Cat,” Kara said, sincerely.

 

They talked about Carter for a while, then about Cat’s life at the White House, her influence on policy and her close relationship with the President.

 

“So you two are… like, a couple?” Kara asked, wide-eyed.

 

“Well, not officially – she’s still President, and I think the public at large would be happier to find out that she’s an alien than that she’s a lesbian, but yes. We’ve been together almost since Air Force 1 came down. Thank you again for dropping by to catch me, by the way.”

 

“Congratulations, Cat,” Kara said, smiling. “I’m so pleased you’ve found happiness.”

 

“And don’t think that I’m ever going to forget that you chose to save me over the President, by the way. No-one but you, me and Olivia know about that.”

 

“I couldn’t have chosen anyone else, Miss Grant,” Kara said. “I’m sad for the White House staff and the flight crew, and I wish I could have caught the President, too, but the plane had already disintegrated when I got there. You were lucky to be in a position where I could catch you.”

 

“I know. But you saved me, Kara. And I won’t forget it.”

 

Kara nodded gravely.

 

They talked for a little while longer, and Cat reiterated her job offer before Kara flew back home to National City. She landed in her apartment, finding Alex and Maggie waiting for her, dinner on the table.

 

“Hey guys,” Kara said, switching off the stealth function of the suit. Maggie and Alex both jumped. “Sorry. Invisible suit thingie.”

 

“That really works, huh?” Alex said, standing and taking in Kara’s new suit. “I like the pants.”

 

“They’re way more comfortable than the skirt,” Kara said. “People were always trying to sneak a look.”

 

“I used to do that,” Maggie said, holding her hand up. “Sorry, Little D. It was way before I knew you, and you’re really hot.”

 

“No offence taken,” Kara said, sighing. “Let me change, I’ll be right back.”

 

She changed into some comfortable sweats and sat down to eat with Maggie and Alex, unsure of what exactly was in the vegan dish, but a little afraid to ask. Whatever it was, it wasn’t too unpleasant, so she kept on shovelling it into her mouth.

 

“So I hear you ghosted Lena earlier,” Alex said.

 

“Who told you that?” Kara asked.

 

“Sam. She said you asked her to pretend you weren’t there.”

 

“Yeah, I did,” Kara said, ashamed. “I just… I couldn’t stand the way Lena looked at me the last time I saw her. So I hid instead. I know, I’m a coward.”

 

“No you’re not, Kar. She hurt you, and I know that can’t be easy, especially after being out of everything for so long,” Maggie said, looking at Kara as if she really did understand.

 

“It was childish. I just had to walk past her and nod, and I couldn’t even do that,” Kara said sadly.

 

“She’ll come around,” Alex said, again. Kara just smiled sadly.

 

“So, Cat offered me a job,” she said, as she finished the remainder of her food.

 

“What?” Alex asked, wiping her face with a napkin.

 

“She offered me a job. As her assistant.”

 

“Is she coming back to National City?” Alex asked.

 

“No. She needs an assistant in Washington,” Kara said.

 

Maggie looked at her sadly, but with understanding. Alex, predictably, was apoplectic.

 

“You can’t go moving to Washington! I just got you back, Kara. It’s been a year! You need time to re-adjust; I get that. But it doesn’t mean that you should run away!” Alex said, stalking around the apartment, face red.

 

“I’m not running away, Alex,” Kara protested quietly. “I’m just thinking about a fresh start. National City has its own hero, everything has moved on without me, and I need to be somewhere where I’m actually needed. Working in the White House, I could protect the President, alongside working for Cat. It’s a great opportunity. I think I’ve lost my interest in reporting, for now.”

 

“You can’t just leave,” Alex insisted.

 

“I’m not’ just leaving’, Alex. I don’t have a place here, anymore. I could hang around and try to get back into my old life. But I feel like maybe a move might be a better idea, considering. I might have done everything I can, now, in National City.”

 

“I understand, Kara. I told Alex you might feel this way, when you woke up. Sam has been doing a great job and all, don’t get me wrong, but I told Alex that having her at the DEO would be hard for you,” Maggie said sympathetically.

 

“It’s not Sam,” Kara said, shaking her head. “She’s a good person. She managed to fight off Reign. The city is lucky to have her. I just… the life I was building – I mean, Mon-El was already lost to me, I know that. But I’ve lost my only other real friend, and Winn and James have moved on, doing their own hero-ing thing. And you guys got married, and… I feel like a fresh start would be better, for everyone.”

 

Maggie squeezed her hand.

 

“I can’t lose you again, Kara,” Alex said, tearfully.

 

“You wouldn’t be losing me,” Kara said. “I can come by every week for dinner, just like we used to. We can do sister nights by Skype or whatever came after Skype. I’m still here, Alex. I might just be somewhere else, at least for a while.”

 

“Okay,” Alex said, eventually. “But you have to tell Lena, before you go.” She crossed her arms when she said it, and Kara knew that meant it was non-negotiable.

 

“Why?” Kara asked.

 

“Because she deserves to hear from you that you’re going,” Alex said.

 

“I _deserved_ to have my friend at my bedside when I woke up from a coma,” Kara said, quietly, jaw set. “But life isn’t fair, sometimes.”

 

“Don’t just leave without telling her goodbye,” Alex said. “Please.”

 

“Fine,” Kara said, shaking her head. “I’ll talk to her.”

 

She sent a message to Cat, confirming that she was likely to accept the job, and asking for more details. Cat promised she’d send something by the end of the week. A little later, Kara took off, using the stealth function on her suit again. She landed on the balcony at LCorp, finding Lena behind her desk in her office. She pressed the switch again on her suit, turning visible, before knocking on the balcony window. Lena turned, a smile on her face. It quickly turned into a frown when she realised it was Kara, not Sam.

 

She stood slowly and walked to the door, opening it, her face expressionless.

 

“Supergirl. What can I do for you?” she asked, crisply, crossing her arms over her chest.

 

Kara’s heart twisted. This wasn’t the woman she remembered, who had always looked at her like she was sunshine personified.

 

“I came to talk to you. My sister… she made me promise.”

 

“Alex made you promise what?” Lena asked, blank-faced.

 

“She made me promise that I would talk to you before I left.”

 

“You’re leaving,” Lena repeated, tonelessly.

 

“It seems that Supergirl isn’t needed in National City. And my life… I guess people had to move on, in my absence. I understand, of course. It’s been a year, almost. I just… I wanted to apologise to you. I never meant to keep anything from you. There are a lot of reasons why I didn’t tell you about who I was, but not a single one of them had anything to do with not trusting you. I hope that you know that.”

 

“It was a long time ago,” Lena said, jaw tight. “It’s forgotten.”

 

The Irish in her accent came out much more strongly when she was upset, just as Kara had remembered. Kara almost smiled, but managed to keep her face straight.

 

“I’m glad. I really missed you, Lena.”

 

Lena nodded curtly.

 

“So where are you going, then, Supergirl?” she asked, not looking Kara in the eye.

 

“Cat Grant offered me a job in Washington,” Kara said.

  
“I thought you were passionate about being a reporter,” Lena said, still looking away. She sounded… scornful. And bored.

 

Kara ploughed on, regardless.

 

“I was. But I think… it’s been too long, just to go back to it like nothing happened. I’d have to explain away a year, and at some point or another, my identity would probably come out. That wouldn’t be good for anyone. And honestly, my heart’s not in it anymore.”

 

“Of course it’s not,” Lena said, laughing bitterly.

 

Kara took a deep, shuddering breath. “Anyway, I should leave you. Congratulations again on your engagement, and I guess I’ll see you around,” Kara said, sadly. She turned away, because her eyes were filling with tears.

 

Lena’s hand grasped her arm, pulling her around, and she pulled Kara into a tight hug.

 

“Good luck, Kara,” she said, before pulling away. Kara could hear her sniffling, but she stepped back, respecting Lena’s wishes.

 

“Goodbye, Lena,” Kara said, a sob coming up from her chest into her throat. “I hope you’ll be very happy.”

 

She flew away before she could say something she regretted. Like telling Lena how much she loved her. And how much she’d missed her when she was in that coma. How she’d hoped, when she woke, that they could… it didn’t matter now. That part of her life was over, now. She had a new job in Washington, and eventually she could take up the mantle of Supergirl, again. Maybe. And she could keep the President safe. There was no higher calling, right?

 

She told herself that over and over again as she circled the globe and her tears froze on her face, her sobs muffled by the clouds. It would be okay, eventually. One day it wouldn’t hurt like this, like someone was squeezing her stomach in their fist, like they were throttling her heart. It would be better once she was gone.

 

***

 

She moved the following weekend, gathering up her more important belongings and storing the rest, and then she flew to Washington, glad of her stealth suit. People would probably wonder why Supergirl was flying a huge pile of belongings through the sky, otherwise. Thankfully the cloak covered things she was touching, too.

 

She was installed quickly in a small but comfortable apartment, and once she had started to work for Cat she felt better right away. She had a purpose. All she’d ever wanted to do since she’d arrived on earth (and realised that Kal-El didn’t need her) was to be useful.  To someone. And Cat had given her that opportunity again. She was quickly pulled into the drama of the White House and of events on the world stage, and it helped her to ignore the parts of her life that were missing. She dated a young White House staffer named Ally, who looked quite a bit like a younger version of Cat, but it was nothing serious. When she had time, she went out into the city in her stealth suit, saving people from being mugged and stopping car crashes and doing other small saves. She noticed that her exploits were ending up in the local news, but since no-one could see her, they had no idea who was helping them. That was the way she liked it.

 

She kept her promise and flew to National City to have dinner with Alex and Maggie every Sunday, and on Thursdays they did a Shonda Rhimes-themed sister night. Maggie bowed out of that, and Alex set up something that meant that they could sync their Netflix accounts and Shonda time, and they used some new video chat that Kara had never heard of, before, to talk about what they were watching, or how their lives were going. All the new technology was another reminder of her lost year, and she tried to ignore it as much as possible. Thinking of what she’d lost led her to thinking of her city, National City, now under the watchful eye of the woman who had tried to destroy it only a year ago, and Lena, now engaged to that same woman. It was a double punch to the gut, so she tried not to think about it at all, focusing her energies on her new life.

 

The time came when Supergirl had to show herself, because a villain she’d fought previously took one of the DEO agents prisoner in National City, demanding that Supergirl come to rescue the poor man. The villain was Psi, as it turned out, and she had already incapacitated ‘Superwoman’ with Sam’s own fears. Kara could understand that; Sam probably had a lot of fears, number one being that Reign would come out and take over again, and she’d kill Ruby and Lena and Rao knew what else. For Kara, the power didn’t work at all anymore. All of her worst fears had already come to pass, in one way or another. Kara took Psi down quickly and painlessly, setting the hapless DEO agent free, and waving at the DEO staff who came to clean the scene and take Psi into custody. She took to the sky, waving at the crowd who gave her a round of applause, and then she flew off into the clouds, using the stealth function to disappear. She landed in her apartment a little later in Washington, and poured herself a measure of alien alcohol in some orange juice. She toasted herself silently in the empty apartment, and went to bed shortly after.

 

Supergirl was in all of the papers the following day, and she smiled at the familiar sight. The media were generally positive about Supergirl’s triumphant return, though some wanted to know why she hadn’t returned earlier or said she looked fat in pants or other nonsense designed to get a rise out of her, but she ignored it. At least she wasn’t dead to the world at large, anymore.

 

When she reached her office that morning, she found a bouquet of flowers on her desk. There was no note, but she knew who they were from. No-one else would have sent her plumerias. _Lena._ She smiled, briefly, sniffing the flowers to enjoy the delicate fragrance, and then she turned her mind to the rest of her day, doing Cat’s bidding.

 

It was later that night when it really sunk in. Lena had contacted her, in a very Lena-like way. Did that mean that they might have a chance to be friends again? She hoped so.

 

She prepared for another day, knowing that tomorrow was going to be a day requiring her to speak four different languages, minimum, and she took a long bath before going to bed. Her last thought before she slept was of Lena’s eyes.

 

***


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara visits Eliza, and Winn and James come to visit her in DC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments and kudos on this; I am so glad you're all so enthusiastic about this story. I'm afraid i can only reply to a few messages; I have some issues with my laptop and have no other way to got through them all. But I love reading all your thoughts and I appreciate everything you have to say.

* * *

The following day, Kara had her weekly lunch with Cat. They caught up about any work-related business that needed to be taken care of, but also about their personal lives. Kara had been to Cat’s apartment a number of times since her move, visiting her and Carter and playing Settlers of Catan or MarioKart or whatever Carter happened to be into at that particular time. He was almost ready to head off to college, a little early of course, but he _was_ Cat Grant’s son. Cat showed Kara some new pictures, and Kara made the appropriate noises, glad to see Carter thriving.

 

“So, you came out again,” Cat said, when they had been silent for a while.

 

“I didn’t really have a choice,” Kara said. “Psi had already incapacitated Sam.”

 

“That she had, and quite easily,” Cat remarked. “But you just sauntered in there and knocked her out, like you couldn’t even feel her power.”

 

“I could feel it,” Kara said. “But it just doesn’t work on me anymore.”

 

“Why not?” Cat asked, sharp as ever.

 

“When I met her at first, I’d just sent my boyfriend away. So she used the fear I had, that he was dead, sucked into a black hole or killed by a meteor out there in empty space. I was paralysed by it, but Alex got me through it. She reminded me to have hope. It turned out I needn’t have bothered worrying; five minutes outside of Earth’s atmosphere, he got sucked into a wormhole and into the 31st century. He ended up back in our time, through the most ridiculously convoluted tale you can ever imagine, and he brought his wife with him. Which was nice of him.”

 

“Okay. Nice deflection, with the sad tale of the missing boyfriend. But you have to have fears, Kara. Everyone does,” Cat said, eyes boring into Kara’s.

 

Kara sighed.

 

“Okay. If you must know - I’ve already lost everything, Cat. There’s nothing more that I fear that hasn’t already happened. I was gone for almost a year and everyone moved on. Alex and Maggie got married while I was in that coma, and they’re happy, James and Winn are doing their superhero thing, Lena has Sam and doesn’t even want to talk to me, and National City has Superwoman, who’s clearly a big upgrade on the little girl they had before. Since the Phantom Zone, since the rest of my people died, I’ve feared being alone and forgotten. And now I am.”

 

Cat gasped quietly.

 

“Kara, that’s… it’s not true. You matter to me, to Carter, to your sister, your mother. And countless others. Supergirl matters to the world, whether you feel like it or not right now. You’re not forgotten, and you’re not alone,” Cat said, intensely.

 

“That’s not how it feels,” Kara said, simply. “But thank you. I appreciate your faith in me.”

 

Cat looked at her sadly, and moved on, getting ready for her next meeting. Kara followed her, remembering that she had to speak Cantonese, now, and she mentally changed gears.

 

The week continued in much the same vein, keeping Kara busy but not quite busy enough to stop her from thinking way too much. She missed National City. She missed her loft. She missed game nights, and the alien bar, and lunches and dinners with Lena. Lena coming by for movie nights. She missed it all. It was weird, because she was finding her job fulfilling, but she just couldn’t seem to bond with people here in Washington the same way. Life here wasn’t an episode of Scandal, exactly, but things were fast-paced, and no-one was interested in her ‘aw shucks’ persona. So she ditched it, becoming quieter and harder, working hard and walling herself off from the world.

 

She spent several nights that week on the streets of Washington, preventing a few minor crimes and saving lives. It made her feel a little better, but not much.

 

That weekend, she went to Midvale and stayed with Eliza, who plied her with far too much food and drink and listened to her stories about working so closely with the President and Cat. Eliza loved hearing about it, but she was obviously worried about Kara, too.

 

“You don’t seem like yourself, Kara. You’re not smiling,” Eliza said.

 

“I don’t feel like it,” Kara said, shrugging. “I guess it’s going to take a while to get used to being gone for such a long time, and coming back with everything so different.”

 

“I understand, sweetie. Alex was so lost when you were in that coma. She spent every waking minute at your side for the first few months, until she collapsed, and Maggie had to talk her down, get her to rest. She eventually realised that there was nothing for her to do but wait for you to wake on your own. Having the new Kryptonian to help was good for her,” Eliza said, sighing.

 

“You don’t approve of Sam?” Kara asked, eyebrows up.

 

“It’s not that I don’t approve. I just think – Reign was part of her, from when she was a baby. Who’s to say she won’t emerge again, at a time when Sam’s help is most needed?”

 

“J’onn tested her,” Kara said, shrugging. “He turned into her daughter, had a DEO agent ‘kill’ him in front of her. Since she didn’t turn then, he didn’t think it was likely that she ever would.”

 

“That’s fine, but I wouldn’t be willing to stake innocent lives on it, not after what she did to you,” Eliza said, shivering. She pulled Kara closer to her, kissing her head. “I thought I’d lost you for good.”

 

“Apparently, I’m really hard to get rid of,” Kara said, grimly.

 

“Oh, honey. I know it must be hard. I’m sure she’s a lovely person, but this Sam has taken a lot from you.”

 

“Yeah, she has,” Kara agreed. “But none of it is her fault, Eliza. She’s tried to keep the city safe because she knows that it was her doing that I was in a coma. She kept everyone safe, and she managed to stop Reign from killing me. She must be pretty incredible, for Lena to love her.”

 

“Lena’s your friend, the Luthor girl?” Eliza asked, eyes narrowing a little.

 

“She was. Not anymore,” Kara clarified. “She didn’t take kindly to the revelation that I was Supergirl, and that I’d been lying to her since we met. I can’t say I blame her, either.”

 

“That’s garbage,” Eliza said, dismissively. “She might have been angry at you for a while, but there must be something else driving her to be so pissed.”

 

“Does it matter?” Kara asked. “I apologised, and she wasn’t moved. She hugged me, and then she turned away. I haven’t seen her since.”

 

“And she hasn’t reached out at all?”

 

“Well, she did send me flowers, or at least I’m pretty sure it was her,” Kara said. “After I put Psi away.”

 

“Hmm. Did she ever send you flowers before?” Eliza asked.

 

“She used to send them sometimes, when I was upset or when I did something nice for her. Like, she filled my office with plumerias when I wrote a positive story about her company.”

 

“Kara,” Eliza said, hesitantly. “Do you think it’s possible that Lena might have had romantic feelings for you?”

 

“What do you mean?” Kara asked, puzzled.

  
“Women don’t usually send each other flowers, sweetie. I mean, maybe your mother or your sister for a birthday, but not really for friends. Or at least, not so many that they would fill your office. That’s a really extravagant gesture.”

 

“Well, she’s a billionaire,” Kara said. “She does extravagant things all the time.”

 

“Hmm,” Eliza said. “It would explain her… extreme reaction, when she found out you’d been lying. If she was in love with you.”

 

“I don’t think so,” Kara said, shaking her head. “She hates me, Eliza. She looked at me like I was nothing.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Eliza said, hugging Kara a little tighter. “But sometimes love and hate are two sides of the same coin. Maybe think about it a little. And maybe think about whether you might have feelings for her, because you seem awfully torn up about losing someone who was only a friend.”

 

Kara looked at her, eyes wide.

 

“It’s not… I’m not… I miss all of my friends,” she said, trailing off.

 

“But you’re not on the verge of tears because James and Winn moved on, are you?” Eliza pointed out.

 

Kara stayed silent, perturbed. It wasn’t…. that wasn’t how she felt. Was it? She loved Lena, but as a friend. Friendly friends. Gal pals. Like Vickie Donahue and Alex used to be. No, not like them, because Alex was a lesbian. Not like them at all. Like Oprah and Gayle. They were straight, right? _Friends._

 

She heard Eliza chuckling quietly and she glared.

 

“This is not funny, Eliza.”

 

“Sure it’s not, honey,” Eliza said, grinning again. She disappeared off into the kitchen, returning with a whole chocolate pecan pie and a hot chocolate, so Kara couldn’t be too mad at her.

 

She dropped by Alex and Maggie’s on Sunday, eating the dreadful nut roast that Maggie put together without gagging, thanks to her Kryptonian constitution, and she smiled and nodded patiently as Alex told her how happy everyone at the DEO was to see her, and how Sam had asked Alex to pass on her thanks for the save.

 

“It was nothing. Just trying to help,” Kara said, smiling. It felt like a grimace, but she figured it worked, because Alex’s worry lines went away, then. They had dessert and while Alex was clearing up, Maggie drew Kara to the other end of the apartment.

 

“I don’t buy your smiles, Little D. What’s going on with you? Is everything not okay in Washington?”

 

“I’m fine, Maggie,” Kara said. “Just trying to find my feet. It’s a little different than National City.”

 

“In what way?” Maggie asked.

 

“People aren’t… interested, in making friends. There isn’t much time for it. Sometimes I can be in meetings until after midnight. People just want hook-ups or someone to listen to them complain. They’re not interested in investing time in a friendship. It’s just… a period of adjustment.”

 

“Right,” Maggie said, rolling her eyes. “A period of adjustment. Do you ever consider just coming home?”

 

“My home is gone,” Kara said, woodenly. “It’s been gone a long time, Maggie.”

 

She squeezed Maggie’s hand, swooped across the apartment to kiss Alex goodbye, and then disappeared out into the night. She hid above the clouds for a while, looking at the surface of the moon lazily, then looking through it. No matter how old she got, no matter how much she saw, space was completely full of wonders. The moon itself was filled with rare minerals and metals, and one day humanity would find them and use them to advance their technology further. Kara thought about telling the President or the DEO, but decided against it. The materials would be safe there until humanity was ready to colonise the moon.

 

Two weeks later, Kara had a reminder that it was Lena’s birthday. She thought about it for awhile before deciding on the same tactic Lena had used on her. A bunch of plumerias, hand-delivered to Lena’s balcony at L-Corp with a note, just saying ‘Happy Birthday’.

 

She got a text from an unknown number a few days later.

 

“Thank you for the flowers. This is my new number. L”

 

Kara stared at the message for hours, before saving it in her phone under LL. Anything more personal didn’t feel… appropriate. She didn’t reply to the message, simply saving the number and eventually getting on with her evening.

 

A few months later, she saw a notice in the media that Lena and Sam had set a date, for a few months’ time. She sent a quick text of congratulations to Lena, and got a ‘thanks’ in reply, and she left it at that.

 

Supergirl had to emerge in Washington after, predictably enough, a plane decided to develop technical difficulties, ending up in restricted airspace near the Capitol, almost getting shot down by the air force. Kara intervened, waving off the terrifying air force jets, the pilots saluting her. She carried the ailing aircraft out of restricted airspace quickly, taking it to the nearest civilian airport. It was her first real rescue, a proper save, since moving to DC, and when she pulled the plane door off and was applauded by the passengers, something inside of her settled a little. She was using her powers to do things that no-one else could have. Superman might have made it in time, and so might Super… woman, but she, Kara, was here, and she’d saved people’s lives. It mattered, and she was blushing as she waved at the passengers, giving them the usual super-spiel about flying being the safest way to travel, statistically speaking. They all grinned, and she made sure that everyone was able to get off the plane safely, and then she flew off, flipping over onto her back and smiling up at the sun as she flew.

 

She changed back into her civilian clothing and landed inside Cat’s office within a second, and was getting some paperwork in order when Cat came back into the room.

 

“You’re okay?” she asked, touching Kara’s face and looking her over. “You have a little oil, just here,” she said, finding a handkerchief and wiping Kara’s face. “Good job today, Kara. You saved a lot of lives.”

 

“My cousin would have helped, if I wasn’t here. Or Sam. But I was glad to do it,” Kara said, smiling genuinely for the first time she could remember in a long time. Cat smiled in response.

 

“That’s my Supergirl,” she said, fondly. “You’re dining in the Residence tonight, with Olivia and I. She wants to thank you, and she can’t really do that for Kara Danvers. So you have to come as Supergirl. Is that okay?”

 

“Of course,” Kara said. “Is my suit okay?”

 

“Yes,” Cat said, sniffing. “You look formal enough for dinner with the President. Even in that primary coloured horror-show you call a uniform.”

 

Kara smiled, rolling her eyes at the familiar teasing. Cat Grant would never change, and Kara never wanted her to.

 

Dinner with the President was… surreal. First there was a photo op, with President Marsdin offering Supergirl her personal thanks – one of her ambassadors had been on the flight that almost went down – and then there was a surprise private medal ceremony, to formally thank her for defeating Reign.

 

“It’s a little late, I know, but it took me a while to get approval for this,” Olivia confided, as she pinned the medal to Kara’s chest. “You deserve it, a million times over, for what you’ve sacrificed, Kara.”

 

“Thank you,” Kara said, eyes filling. “I’m glad to have been of service.”

 

In truth, that was all she wanted. To be useful to someone. Anyone, really. But she believed in the President – this one, at least – and was glad to be working so near to her. Washington had been a good idea after all, she told herself.

 

The food was sublime, and Kara was given an entire fillet of beef to herself, along with a platter of potatoes and other vegetables, and copious amounts of meat gravy. She ate as neatly as she could, smiling as Carter looked on in fascination, and she chatted with the President and Cat about how she had been, what she’d done while she was ‘off-planet’, which was code for ‘in a horrifying-death coma’, apparently. She made some stuff up about visiting some old friends on Starhaven to recover from her injuries, and the President nodded.

 

The dessert was just as spectacular, a huge mountain of chocolate pecan pies, and she scarfed it all down in record time, Cat watching indulgently.

 

“That’s really disgusting,” Carter said, sotto voce, to Cat. She snickered and Kara glared, but it made no difference. Grants would be Grants.

 

For that one evening, Kara felt almost like herself again. It was the catalyst for Supergirl to take to the skies of Washington, but when the press asked her if she was a permanent resident of the capital, she shook her head.

 

“Right now, National City doesn’t need me. It’s being ably protected by Superwoman, and I thank her for stepping in during my absence. If National City ever does need me in future, I’ll be there. For now, Washington is home, but I’m not thinking about permanent arrangements just yet.”

 

The media reported on it in all sorts of different ways, of course, some saying that Supergirl was abandoning the ordinary people of her home city to protect the rich in Washington DC, but the truth was that Kara was more likely to be found in the poorer districts, dealing with gun crime and trying to help rehabilitate those who were involved in criminal activity because of their social inequality. It was a difficult job, but with her day job in the White House, she was able to draw attention to the plight of people in some of the more deprived areas of the city, and she improved the lives of some of those she met, at least.

 

Lena’s wedding was coming up, and Kara was trying to avoid any references to it. Alex and Maggie were both going to be bridesmaids, and Alex kept mentioning that Kara should go and see Lena, that she’d softened, that she might even welcome her, now. But Kara shook her head.

 

 “I wish her well, but I have no desire for more pain. She’s made it clear that she doesn’t want me in her life, and I’m going to respect that.”

 

Alex didn’t push, but she did watch Kara, concerned, each time they binge-watched something on Netflix or watched their Thursday night shows, or when Kara came up for Sunday dinner. Kara just ignored it, though. Lena had been more than clear, and what was the point of opening herself up for more hurt?

 

James and Winn came to visit Kara in Washington, getting a tour of the White House, and they were introduced to the President, who wanted to thank James for his work as Guardian, and Winn as his backup. Afterwards they went out for Chinese food, and it almost felt like old times again, for Kara. They joked around and talked about Supergirl’s early rescues, and Winn did impersonations of J’onn and Alex, and then James asked if she was coming back for Lena’s wedding.

 

“No,” Kara said, coughing slightly in surprise at the question. “She was pretty mad, after she found out who I am. She didn’t want to see me, and I am respecting her wishes.”

 

James looked at Winn, frowning.

 

“Kar, I find that really hard to believe. Like, when you were in the coma, that first couple of months, she was there all the time. Like, nearly 24/7. She was frantic. I know she stopped visiting, but I thought she’d lost hope, not… She cares about you, I know she does,” Winn said.

 

“Whatever happened back then, I don’t know anything about it,” Kara said. “But I do know that she doesn’t want anything to do with me now. She told Alex that, and I went to talk to her before I left for Washington, and she gave me the brush-off.”

 

“What did she say?” Winn asked.

 

“Um, she said that… when I apologised, she said it was forgotten. But she wouldn’t look at me. I told her I was leaving to work for Cat, and she asked me if I’d lost my passion for reporting. I said it was probably best if I didn’t go back to it in case someone put two and two together and got Supergirl, and she laughed, but not in a nice way. She hugged me, and I left,” Kara said.

 

“She hugged you? That’s giving you the brush off?” Winn asked.

 

“It was just… I think she felt sorry for me. She was upset, but she clearly didn’t want me there. So I left. I didn’t want to hurt her anymore than I already had,” Kara said.

 

“That doesn’t sound like a brush-off to me, either,” James said, in his deep, rich voice. “It sounds like she still cares.”

 

“What does it matter?” Kara asked. “I’m here, now, and she’s there, and the city is safe, and she’s happy. There’s no reason to stir up all that hurt again. So I’m leaving it behind me.”

 

James frowned, exchanging another look with Winn, and they changed the subject. Kara told them about Ally, the girl she’d been dating, on-and-off, and James told her about his unexpected relationship with Eve Tessmacher.

 

“I was pretty much determined not to go there, after she was with Mon-El and all – no offence, Kara, but I hate the guy – but she’s just so sweet. She wore me down, and we’re thinking about moving in together,” he said, grinning.

 

“Congratulations,” Kara said, smiling. “She’s great. I know she doesn’t seem like it, but she really is smart. Hold on to her, James.”

 

“I intend to,” he said, finishing his drink and calling their waiter over for more drinks. When they all had fresh glasses, Kara asked Winn about Lyra.

 

“She’s talking about us mating, which is something different to sex,” Winn said, looking a tiny bit frightened. “Apparently when we do that, she’ll have a litter of pups. I don’t know if she means that literally, or if it will just be more than one kid at a time. Frankly, the idea scares the shit out of me, but I love her, so…”

 

“Aw. My boys, all grown up!” Kara exclaimed, grinning at them both. “I’m so happy for you both. You deserve amazing women and happy lives.”

 

“Amen to that,” James said, and they all clinked glasses, getting more and more sloppy drunk as their night continued. Kara added a few shots of alien alcohol to her drinks over the course of the evening, but decided to leave it at that, wanting to be sure that she was okay for work the next day. James and Winn went back to their hotel just after midnight, and she went back to her empty apartment, staring at the ceiling and wishing that everyone would stop giving her such a hard time about Lena. She was respecting Lena’s wishes by keeping away and not contacting her. Lena had made it clear enough that Kara had no place in her life, with one look of complete indifference.

 

The rest of their interactions had just made that completely clear. She had Sam now, and Kara was not needed. Nor was she wanted. Kara had to respect that, even if it made her want to scream in anguish.

 


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone comes for a visit, and the Phantom Zone sinks its teeth into Kara.

* * *

Lena’s return to Kara’s life was sudden. One day she was working hard on writing the minutes of a meeting, translating from Urdu to English, when she felt a familiar presence. She took off her headphones, and found that Lena’s nervous heartbeat was thumping away on the other side of the door of her office.

 

“Come in,” she called out, after a moment’s thought. The heartbeat stuttered, and Lena opened the door, stepping inside. She looked sheepish, but she looked like Lena, not like the stranger she’d become.

 

“Hi, Kara,” she said, standing there like a schoolgirl who’d been summoned to the Principal’s office.

 

“Lena,” Kara said, smiling faintly. “To what do I owe the honour?”

 

Lena flinched a little.

 

“I was in Washington on business, and I called Cat. She got me access,” Lena said.

 

“Oh,” Kara said pleasantly. She looked around for her tablet. “Was there someone you needed to see? Cat didn’t ask me to set up any meetings or anything. But I can get on that now if you…”

 

“I came to see you, Kara,” Lena said, nervously.

 

“Oh,” Kara said, dumbfounded. “Please, sit down.”

 

She stood, waving at the visitor’s chair awkwardly. “Can I get you a drink, or some food?”

 

“I’d love some coffee,” Lena said.

 

Kara made a quick call to her own assistant, Cassidy, and a minute or so later the young woman knocked, setting down a pumpkin spice latte for Kara and a black coffee for Lena.

 

“I didn’t know how you take your coffee, Miss Luthor, I’m sorry,” Cassidy said, reddening. She was really young, to Kara’s eyes, and she was constantly nervous. Kara wondered idly if she’d ever seemed like that.

 

“It’s fine, Cassidy. I know how Lena likes it,” Kara said, before suddenly reddening. She had to stifle a nervous giggle when she realised what she’d said. Cassidy didn’t help – always prone to giggles, she almost ran out of the room, snorting, and Kara took a deep breath to clear away the residual embarrassment before she fixed Lena’s coffee with a little creamer.

 

“So, you came all the way to the White House to visit me?” Kara asked, looking at Lena properly for the first time. She sat down, regarding Lena expressionlessly, as she took a long drink from her latte.

 

“Yes,” Lena said, dropping her eyes to her coffee. “I… I wanted to talk to you, and I just… it seemed like I should do it now, or it would be too late.”

 

Kara looked at her quizzically.

 

“I don’t understand,” she said.

 

“I… I’ve treated you horribly, Kara. Alex and Maggie have been nice enough not to berate me for it, but Sam – she didn’t realise, I don’t think, until you left National City so abruptly. She asked Alex and Maggie why, and it took a while, but they explained.”

 

“I didn’t leave National City because of you, Lena,” Kara said, jaw tightening. “You don’t need to be sorry.”

 

“Be that as it may, I certainly didn’t help matters,” Lena said, after a moment’s thought. “I was… I was your best friend, and I let you wake up from a year-long coma alone and I didn’t even have the decency to tell you why I was mad.”

 

“You don’t owe me anything,” Kara said, almost harshly. “I lied to you. Your reaction wasn’t unexpected. Even your mother warned me that you’d hate me when you found out. You don’t owe me any apologies, Lena. You can go home with a clear conscience.”

 

To her own astonishment, Kara found herself rising to her feet, ready to show Lena out. Lena was staring at her in disbelief.

 

“I thought, maybe, if we talked, you might forgive me,” she said, swallowing.

 

“I forgive you,” Kara said, tonelessly. She was starting to feel dizzy and a little sick, and her vision was swimming. It was like the Phantom Zone and the coma were closing in on her, and she could feel herself giving in to their pull. It would be so easy just to be pulled back under, to let herself go. Maybe Rao would take her back, this time. Everything was foggy and dark.

 

_“Kara?”_

 

There was a voice in there with her. She couldn’t see.

 

_“Kara, breathe with me. Please, darling. Breathe. Feel my heart beating.”_

 

Warmth against her hand. Thumping. It made the screaming recede, the sound of meteors popping against her pod’s shields fade. She concentrated on it. It was a nice feeling, the thumping. And there was warmth around her, too. Maybe she was home, now? With Rao? Were her parents there?

 

_“Ieiu,” she murmured. “Ukr?”_

 

_“What’s she saying?” the voice asked. It was a pretty voice, low and soothing._

 

_“It’s Kryptonian,” another voice replied. “I think so, anyway. She speaks dozens of other languages, so it could be any one of them, I suppose.”_

 

She fought her way back from under, something in those voices calling to her. She found herself on the couch in her office, her head in Cat Grant’s lap and her hand clasped in Lena’s. Lena was kneeling on the floor next to her.

 

“What happened?” Kara managed, after a moment of blinking.

 

“You had some sort of… episode,” Cat said, delicately, stroking Kara’s hair. “A flashback, I suppose. From the coma, or perhaps the Phantom Zone.”

 

“What do you mean, Cat?” Lena asked, as Kara faded out a little.

 

“It’s up to her to tell you,” Cat said, snapping a little.

 

“Tell me,” Lena insisted.

 

Cat’s voice faded to a murmur, and the hand stroking Kara’s hair didn’t stop, so she let herself drift. She didn’t care where she was right then. She was content, somehow, despite her earlier distress. She was with two familiar heartbeats and her mind was at rest.

 

She woke again a little later, finding herself in a similar position. But instead of having her head in Cat’s lap, her head was in Lena’s lap. She sat up, suddenly, moving away from her former best friend. Her head spun as she did so.

  
“I’m sorry. I didn’t realise… I was asleep,” Kara said shortly. “You didn’t have to stay, Lena.”

 

“I absolutely did,” Lena said, and she had that stubbornness in her voice that had always infuriated Kara.

 

“I should get home. I’m sure Sam will be waiting for you, too,” Kara said, pointedly. “Where did Cat go?”

 

“She had a meeting. Told me to tell you to take the rest of the week off, no excuses, no exceptions. She’ll come by tomorrow or the day after.”

 

“Okay,” Kara said. “Thanks for passing on the message.”

 

She stood, switching off her laptop and putting it in her bag, and grabbing her coat. She went to the door, looking at Lena pointedly.

 

“I’m coming with you,” Lena said, her chin raised defiantly.

 

“That won’t be necessary,” Kara said.

 

“It will,” Lena said. “You just passed out in your office after having some sort of PTSD flashback of god knows what, and I am not leaving you alone.”

 

Kara looked at her quizzically.

 

“Why? You were absolutely fine leaving me alone before now. What’s changed?”

 

“I came here to apologise, Kara, and to make things right between us. I’m not going home until I’ve done that.”

 

Kara shook her head irritably.

 

“Look, Lena. I appreciate the thought and all, but I’m really pretty tired now. I’m going home. Why don’t you do the same. You can forget I ever existed, like you wanted to, and everyone can get on with their lives. No harm, no foul.”

 

Lena had moved closer as Kara was speaking, and she touched Kara’s forearm hesitantly.

 

“Kara, I want to make this right,” she said. “I want us to be friends again.”

 

Kara looked at her impassively.

 

“I don’t.”

 

“Why not?” Lena asked. Her eyes were filling with tears, and Kara almost relented before remembering the way Lena had looked at her, before this apparent change of heart. Remembered the months of floating underwater, screaming for someone to hear her, while Lena and Sam, the woman who’d almost killed her, fell in love. The dark at the edges of her vision started to threaten again, and she took a deep breath.

 

“Because I have no desire to be hurt like that again,” Kara said, dully. “Goodbye, Lena.”

 

She left the room, putting the office key in front of a confused Cassidy, and leaving Lena in her office. She moved as quickly as she could, heading out of a side entrance and taking to the sky before Lena could follow her. She did a few laps around the city before she landed at her apartment, making her way inside and changing into comfortable sweats before lying on the couch under a blanket, staring at nothing.

 

She hadn’t expected Lena to come back, to apologise. It was all too much, and it sent her mind a little swimmy, again. She had to concentrate hard to come out of it, to pull herself out of that place where she had been so lost for so long. She didn’t know if she’d have the strength to pull herself out if she went all the way under again. She wasn’t sure she even wanted to.

 

A little while later, there was a knock at the door. She listened closely, finding that Lena’s heartbeat was nowhere nearby. She answered the door, finding a delivery girl with piles of her favourite takeout food.

 

“I didn’t order this,” Kara said, shaking her head.

 

“Says here it’s a gift,” the girl said, smacking her gum obnoxiously.

 

“Fine,” Kara said, sighing. She took the bags, giving the girl a tip, and went to look at the food she’d been sent. It was all of her favourites. Potstickers, pizza, lo mein, egg rolls, deep fried everything, and every kind of dip in the known universe. She knew Lena must have sent it, but she was suddenly too hungry to care. She ate quickly, filling herself up, and when she was done she collapsed back on the couch again.

 

She heard Lena’s heartbeat approaching a little while after that, and she was tempted to fly away, but she was so drowsy that she thought she might end up smashing into the Washington Monument or something equally stupid. She stood, brushing her hair back with her fingers, and opened the door, standing back as Lena approached.

 

“You’re not going to give up,” Kara said. It wasn’t a question.

 

Lena shook her head gravely.

 

“Fine. I’m going to bed. There’s a guest room; the bed’s made up. There are clothes in the chest if you need something to sleep in.”

 

Kara waited until Lena was inside the apartment, and then she locked the door and wandered off to the bathroom before landing in bed. She was asleep a few minutes later.

 

She woke with her eyes burning, and a heart beating against her hand again.

 

_“It’s okay, darling. You’re not there anymore. You’re safe. She can’t hurt you. She didn’t hurt me.”_

 

Lena’s voice was low and soothing, and Kara started to sob at the sound of it. She’d been dreaming that Reign had killed Lena in front of her, snapping her neck, and then she had started to tear Kara to pieces, literally, while Ruby and Alex and Eliza watched in horror. Lena pulled her close, murmuring nonsense under her breath, just soothing noises. Kara sobbed, and Lena stroked her hair, stroked up and down her spine, and after a while Kara was being pulled back under, this time into blessed silence.

 

In the morning, she woke alone in her bed. It took a while for her to remember what was happening, but she could hear Lena’s heartbeat, thumping on and on in its predictable fashion. It was comforting, somehow, even though Lena was, in many ways, the last person Kara wanted to see.

 

She went to the bathroom, taking a quick shower, before dressing in some fresh but comfortable clothes. She walked into her living room to find Lena sitting there, reading, her face held up to the sun.

 

“There’s breakfast in the oven,” Lena said, quietly. She didn’t turn around.

  
“Thank you,” Kara said stiffly. She suddenly remembered the night before, Lena comforting her, and her heart twisted. Why was Lena doing this? Had she not destroyed Kara enough?

 

She found a stacked plate of breakfast foods inside the hot oven, and she pulled it out with her bare hands, turning the oven off and tucking in to the food at the breakfast bar. As far from Lena as she could manage, essentially. She finished her food, pouring herself a huge mug of coffee, and then she went to sit by the window, looking out at her limited view of the city.

 

“It’s a nice apartment,” Lena said. “I preferred your loft, though.”

 

Kara didn’t reply.

 

“You’re not going to make this easy for me, are you?” Lena asked, sighing.

 

“Make _what_ easy, Lena?!” Kara burst out. “When I came round from my coma, Alex told me you were mad at me for not telling you I was Supergirl. I understood that, and it was one of my greatest fears before Reign came along. Telling you, and you _hating_ me for it. But then I found out that you had stopped coming to see me, and that you weren’t even interested in seeing me when you knew I was awake, and that I’d just been lost in my own nightmares for a year, without the person I needed more than anyone in the world. And when I saw you – Rao, the _look_ you gave me. It was like I was nothing to you. I tried to apologise to you, Lena, but you weren’t interested. So why now? What’s changed? I left you alone like you wanted. It seems like you have everything you could ever want. So why now?” Kara asked, her voice filled with pain.

 

“I missed you,” Lena said, so quietly that Kara almost missed it. “I missed you, the whole time you were in that coma, and I’ve missed you the whole time since. I was really mad at you at first, and then I found out that the DEO were detaining Sam, who was so not responsible for what Reign did, and I guess I… I lumped you in with them, because you’d gone along with hiding your identity, so why wouldn’t you go along with them detaining her. After all, Supergirl was always fighting other aliens and taking them away with her black ops friends.” Lena ran her hands through her hair, looking out of the window, her eyes distant. “I was unfair to you, I know that, Kara. You’ve never been one to judge people by things that are beyond their control. I guess I was just angry and hurt. And my mother – she kidnapped me, again, and she taunted me, told me she’d known all along who you were, and she… she said you’d been playing me, keeping an eye on the youngest Luthor just in case I snapped.”

 

Kara looked at her, jaw tight.

 

“And you believed her. Your mother. After everything she’s done to you.”

 

Lena dropped her head, staring at her hands.

 

“I did. I was ready to believe the worst, and I was horrible, Kara. I left you alone and I knew something wasn’t right. You never moved or anything while you were in the coma, but somehow I could feel you were in pain, you were hurting. I should never have left you like that.”

 

Kara didn’t say anything, swallowing thickly. Images flashed through her mind, of Krypton, of Reign’s fists, of Astra’s tear-streaked face as she died, of Kal-El, leaving her. People always left her. It was safer not to care, right? Because then you couldn’t get hurt.

 

“Sam talked me round. Told me I was being selfish, that you needed a friend, and it couldn’t be her, because even though you knew she wasn’t responsible, the healing couldn’t come from the same hand as the blow. She’s… I don’t know what they put in the water on Krypton, but she’s so good, Kara. Just like you.”

 

“We didn’t have water on Krypton,” Kara said, toneless. “The seas were dead, and so were the rivers. We had to manufacture liquids to keep us alive.”

 

“Oh,” Lena said, torn between sadness and scientific fascination. “I guess Sam probably wouldn’t know that, either.”

 

“No,” Kara said. “She was a baby when she was sent to Earth. I was already 13.”

 

“And you ended up in the… Phantasm Zone?” Lena asked, carefully.

  
“The Phantom Zone. Yes,” Kara said.

 

“Was Cat right? You were there for 24 years?”

 

“She was,” Kara said, crisply. She sipped at her coffee, turning to switch on the television, and she found some old cop show and stared at it, pretending to be engrossed.

 

“You can pretend you’re watching that all you like, Kara, but we both know you’re just trying to avoid talking to me.”

 

“Well, if we both know that, why don’t we both pretend that we want to respect each other’s space and only talk when both parties are ready?” Kara suggested, as politely as she could manage in the circumstances.

 

“Fine,” Lena said, sighing. She opened a book and started reading, leaving Kara to do whatever she wished.

 

Kara sighed as she stared at the television screen. It was going to be a long couple of days.

 

Lena stayed in the same spot for hours, reading her book – a thick fantasy book with beautifully illustrated dragons on the cover – and sipping at a glass of water. She looked at Kara from time to time, just to make sure she was still alive, or conscious, perhaps. But other than that she made no noise. To Kara’s annoyance, the sound of her soft breathing, her beating heart, and the soft sound of pages turning – it was soothing, and Kara felt herself relax.

 

At some point she must have dozed off, because even she couldn’t feign interest in the shitty cop shows that were showing on a loop for very long. She woke to the smell of food, and looked across the apartment to see Lena making something in her kitchen. It smelled amazing. Of course, Lena would _have_ to be a good cook, too.

 

Kara stood, going to sit at the breakfast bar, staring down at her hands in silence. Why was Lena doing all this? It had been well over a year since she had stopped visiting Kara at her bedside, from what Alex had said. Surely, if she was going to have a change of heart, it would have happened earlier, and not now, when her wedding was only… was it weeks away? Kara couldn’t remember. She’d paid little attention to the invitation she saw at Alex and Maggie’s place, because her heart was hurt enough.

 

“Jesus!” Lena exclaimed, turning to find Kara sitting right behind her at the breakfast bar. “You scared the shit out of me.”

 

Kara didn’t apologise. She just looked at Lena, her expression as empty as her heart. Lena stared at her, swallowing, and turned back to the food.

 

“I’m making pollo alla cacciatore,” Lena said, after a moment of silence. “I hope you like it.”

 

Kara shrugged. “Sure.” It was food, and it smelled good. She didn’t really know why she was here. Why hadn’t she just gone out this morning, to do a few laps around Washington? Or she could go to Europe, or maybe New Zealand for the rest of the week. There was nothing to say she had to stay here and humour Lena. She made a mental note to find out why Cat had insisted she stayed home in the first place. It was just a bad day. Lena being there had started it off, but that wouldn’t be a problem soon. Kara was confident that Lena would leave soon enough, and not return.

 

Lena served up the food in silence, and Kara began to eat mechanically. It was delicious, but she hadn’t really been enjoying food much since waking up. The pleasure had been drained out of it, for her.

 

“Are you okay, Kara?” Lena asked, quietly. “Is the food not good? I can order something in, if you’d prefer.”

 

“The food is fine,” Kara said. “I’m fine, too. You can go home, Lena. We both know you don’t really want to be here, so just… just go, would you?”

 

She finished her food, leaving the dish, and an astonished-looking Lena, at the breakfast bar. She could clean up later, she figured. For now, she was going to fly, try to clear her head.


	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena thinks about how she and Kara got here.

* * *

Lena Luthor was pragmatic. She tried to take the best course, no matter what the issue. If something needed to be fixed, she fixed it. If someone was bad for her, bad for her life, bad for her career, she cut them out. Ruthlessly. Like a Luthor.

 

Lex had taught her that. And when Lex himself became the problem, when he became the thing that was broken and couldn’t be fixed, when it made her life a living hell that she was related to him, she cut him out like a cancer. In his absence he still ached, like a phantom limb, but she did not allow herself to think of him. He was the past. Once a brother, but no longer. Now he was a plague.

 

When she met Kara Danvers, she had intended to treat her as a reporter, as a professional. Not a friend. Certainly not her best friend. And definitely not the person who she would come to care for more than anyone else. She had intended to treat Kara like everyone else, like a resource that she could use and discard as she wished. But Kara had made that impossible, with her genuine, caring nature, her incredible smile, and her tight hugs, hugs that made Lena feel safer than she ever remembered being.

 

When things went so very, very wrong with Kara, with Sam, with Reign and Supergirl, she watched as her two best friends in the world did their damndest to destroy each other, and National City too. She watched as Sam beat Kara nearly to death, she watched as Sam regained control of herself at just the last minute, only to be hit by three rockets simultaneously. She watched Alex Danvers scream in grief and she watched _fucking_ Superman arrive just then, too late to do anything but carry Kara’s broken body away.

 

Lena hadn’t known Supergirl was Kara at first. She’d had no idea. Even after Kara said she flew to her office on a bus. Even after all the slip-ups. She just thought Kara was a loveable doofus, but then Morgan Edge tried to poison her, and she’d had that dream, that Kara had carried her through the air. It made something click, and she watched Kara carefully from then on. It became clear when she looked at pictures side-by-side, when she saw the scar above Kara’s eyebrow, saw that thousand-watt smile on both faces. She decided not to be pissed about it. Kara hadn’t told her at the beginning because of her surname, and that was… well, it was understandable. Lex’s legacy was a cancer that wouldn’t die. And doubtless the shadowy government agency for whom she worked had insisted on Kara keeping quiet about her alter-ego. Lena knew about those kinds of agencies; one of them had renditioned Lex into oblivion, building a private wing of Stryker’s Island just to hold him. She realised that Kara probably hadn’t had a choice about telling her, and she figured that she could live with that.

 

But then… well. Sam had happened. Lena had worked it out when Sam told her about her blackouts, the way she told Lena that she was making plans to go places and then… she just didn’t turn up wherever she was supposed to be. And neither she nor anyone else knew where she had been during those absences. She left Ruby with her neighbours, and that was completely out of character. Lena had tried to reassure Sam, tried to make her feel better, but what happened instead was that Sam’s eyes turned red for a fraction of a second and it clicked. Sam Arias was Reign.

 

Lena tried to deal with it herself. Tried to fix things. Tried to help separate Sam from Reign. She had even read all of Lex’s research on Superman, and she tried black Kryptonite to separate the two personalities from one another, almost being strangled to death by Reign for her trouble. She wished – oh, how she wished – that she had gone to Alex Danvers back then, told her about Sam. She wished she had worked with the DEO and with Kara to fix things. But she didn’t, and that was on her. Reign had broken free from the cage, Sam still riding along. That was when she’d attacked Kara that last time, and almost killed her.

 

Lena couldn’t forgive herself. She was the reason for Kara’s coma, for Reign’s escape. She didn’t know where Sam was, and she’d tried to take on Ruby as a temporary foster parent, but to no avail. DCFS had decided that Ruby needed to be in a group home with other kids rather than with a Luthor. Lena couldn’t exactly blame them.

 

She went to see Kara every day, frantic with concern, with guilt, with grief, with love. Yes, love. She’d fallen in love with Kara very early on. She hadn’t realised, of course, because she was completely useless when it came to her own feelings. But seeing Kara bleeding and almost dead the first time around with Reign had almost killed her. She’d dumped James shortly after that, realising that her feelings for him were nothing but friendship, and using the information that Maggie had given her about James’ previous antipathy to her as an excuse. Nothing could compare to how she felt about Kara, so trying to date anyone else was an exercise in futility.

 

Kara was lifeless, deathly white except for the bruises, and unresponsive. Lena couldn’t explain how she knew, but she could feel Kara’s distress, like an endless call for help. She could feel that Kara was in pain and she didn’t know how to help. And more than a little of the situation was her fault. She became agitated and frustrated by it all – Kara hadn’t trusted her, she reasoned, otherwise Lena would have trusted Kara enough to tell her about Reign. The conflict in her was confusing her, and she was stuck somewhere between wanting to climb into Kara’s bed and never let her go, and walking out and never seeing her again.

 

She was trying to figure out her own feelings, trying to be the bigger person about it all. She knew Kara, and she loved her. She knew that Kara wouldn’t lie to her just for the sake of it. She knew that Kara probably thought she was protecting Lena. And by keeping the Sam/Reign connection to herself, she knew she had been partially responsible for how things had turned out.

 

Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, she was just about to leave the DEO one day after a few hours by Kara’s bedside, praying for her to recover and also resenting her, when she saw Sam, in Kryptonite chains, beaten and bleeding. She was dragged past by several soldiers, and followed by a smug red-headed man in a high-ranking army uniform. Lena didn’t know who he was, but she intended to find out.

 

In the days that followed, Lena made subtle investigations with Winn and with Alex. Alex, of course, was too pre-occupied with Kara, and had barely noticed anything else. But when Alex was made aware of Sam’s predicament, she grew concerned.

 

They came up with the scheme of planting mini-cameras in the room where they were interrogating Sam. Winn managed it ably, with help from Vasquez, and the results horrified Lena, Winn, Alex, Vasquez, and then J’onn. In short order, they arranged for the videos to be ‘leaked’ to Cat Grant, who brought them to the attention of the President. And shortly after that, Sam was left in the custody of the DEO, to be released at J’onn’s discretion, and the military man in charge, who Lena had learned was General Sam Lane, was sent to somewhere in Alaska to clean up dog poop (she hoped) as the lowest-ranking military officer possible.

 

Lena kept coming to the DEO, but from then on she split her time between Sam and Kara. Alex had been temporarily awarded custody of Ruby, through some string-pulling by the President and her team. Cat Grant had made many, many threats about the situation, knowing how Kara would feel about Ruby’s situation if she were awake. She had demanded that the girl be given to someone familiar and taken out of the hellish group home she was in. A month after that, Sam was home, Ruby back with her, and Lena gave her CFO a month off to get her head around what had happened.

 

Still, Lena went to see Kara. Prayed, begged for her god to bring her back. Other days she railed at that same god for creating a people who would experiment on their people the way they did on Sam, creating the monster within the sweet, caring woman.

 

6 weeks after Sam’s release, Lena went to sleep in her office and woke up in a dark and dank warehouse, with a headache and a black cloth bag over her head.

 

“Hello, dear,” her mother’s voice practically purred as she pulled the hood from Lena’s head. “It’s so good to see you.”

 

“Mother. I was beginning to worry that you’d stopped caring,” Lena said, sighing. “You haven’t abducted me in ages.”

 

“Sorry about that, darling. I’ve been working on getting Lex out of that hellhole. But I did hear about your little Kryptonians getting into that fist-fight. I know you’re pretty, dear, but really? Having two super-powered beings fighting over you is so dramatic. You’re hardly Helen of Troy.”

 

Lena shook her head, grinning despite herself.

 

“As always, mother, you manage to misread things spectacularly. I had nothing to do with their fight. It was something to do with Reign’s programming. All related to the Kryptonians this time, for a change.”

 

Lillian smiled. It was all teeth.

 

“Just my little joke, dear. I was surprised to hear that you were visiting that spoiled lump of flesh that used to be Supergirl. My sources tell me she’s practically a vegetable. And good riddance, I say. She was playing you from the start. Of course, you didn’t realise, and there she was, laughing at you. Do you remember that day I rescued you from those Daxamite pests? She lied to your face, telling you that Kara Danvers had sent her to save you, when she was only there for her boyfriend. Never said a word about rescuing you. It’s a shame, darling, that you don’t possess your brother’s keen mind. He would never be fooled by a pretty face the way you were. He thought the Kent boy was his friend for a while, of course, but he soon saw through him to the alien menace beneath. But you - you went and fell in _love_ with the vermin instead. It’s bad enough to go around having feelings, dear, but for that filthy alien? I did laugh at first – I’m quite sure your Kara did, seeing you panting after her the way you did – but after a while it was just… sad. Lex is very disappointed in you.”

 

Lena had gone from vaguely amused to incandescent with rage.

 

“I don’t give a damn what you or Lex think, Lillian,” Lena snarled. “Kara has never been anything but a good friend to me. I don’t believe for one moment she would behave that way. She kept her identity secret for good reasons.”

 

“So she didn’t tell you that I knew? If she was protecting you, presumably she’d be protecting you from your evil mother and brother. But she was already aware that I knew, and by extension that Lex did. So without that excuse, what’s her reason for lying to you, if you’re her closest friend? I told her, the day we went to the Daxamite ship, that you would hate her for lying to you. But she just shrugged. I did my best to protect you, darling, but you just wouldn’t stay away from her. I can’t help you if you won’t even help yourself.”

 

Lena stared at her. Something of what Lillian was saying was true; she knew her mother well enough to know that. Kara did know that Lillian knew. And that Lex must know. So what reason _did_ she have for keeping it a secret? It didn’t make sense. Unless she was really…

 

“There it is. The penny drops. Her filthy cousin told her to befriend you, to make you trust her, so that she would see you coming when you decided to live up to your family’s legacy. They have been surveilling you the whole time, watching you, laughing at you. And you’ve been letting them. Have I taught you nothing, daughter? I thought, when you helped with the lead-seeding device, that you had learned your lesson; that you had realised that the aliens are all a menace. But you still didn’t learn, did you? It makes me so sad that I have to step in to teach you those things still, darling.”

 

Lena lifted her chin, tightening her jaw.

 

“You have never had anything worth teaching me, Lillian. Regardless of what Kara might have done or not done, you’re still wrong. You’ve still lied to me and deceived me over and over, hurt me both physically and emotionally, and you’ve never been on my side. You’re not my mother; you never were. If you were, you would have cared about my well-being. You never have.”

 

Lillian tsked loudly.

 

“Now, now, dear. You are a Luthor, and I have taught you how to be a Luthor. Your feelings are irrelevant. We are at war, Lena. It’s time to come back to the fold, darling. Be a Luthor. We’ll free Lex together, and then we’ll fight the alien menace together.”

 

She held her hand out, and somehow expected that Lena would actually reach out and take it. After everything, she still thought that Lena would turn. And yes, Lena was tempted, because if Kara really had been playing her, then who knew what else she was capable of?

 

“Dear god, Lillian. You really, really think I’m going to come to your side now because you say that Supergirl has been watching me? It doesn’t matter! Aliens are just people with different faces and bodies than us. They are as good or as bad as anyone else, and I’d still trust the most untrustworthy alien before I’d trust a snake like you.”

 

Lillian’s lips drew back in a snarl.

 

“I had hoped… well, never mind. Come along, Cyborg Superman. Time to start bleeding her. Then we can implant the embryo and she can go in the stasis pod while Lex’s child grows in her womb. A pure Luthor child will be the answer to all of our prayers.”

 

The real Hank Henshaw appeared from behind Lena, and she tried to control her deep urge to vomit. They wanted to impregnate her with Lex’s child? Were they crazy?

 

“Don’t worry, dear. I’ve rewritten the genetic code to make sure that the baby won’t have any congenital defects, and I’ve added a nice portion of Kryptonian DNA from your little girlfriend. And the best thing was that I didn’t even have to steal it; our friend Reign splattered bits of her all over National City. When this child is born, the world will finally see that we can have superpowers of our own, and we can finally get rid of the filth who are flooding this planet.”

 

Lena was shaking her head, panicking, and Hank Henshaw was advancing on her, a cruel smirk on his half-a-face, when all hell broke loose. The DEO had found her, finally. After everything with Kara, with Reign, and knowing that Lena was always at risk for kidnapping or assault by aliens and humans alike, they offered to inject her with a tiny tracker, the size of an atom. Something from a different earth, they said, but Lena had just shaken her head when Alex offered to tell her about it. In any case, she’d been rescued, and Sam had rushed to her side at the DEO – she was still wearing Kryptonite bracelets, back then. Lena was confused, she would admit that. Confused, lost, broken, and doubting that Kara had ever been her friend. It was later that night at Sam’s that Sam had nervously leaned over, asking if she could kiss Lena, and Lena just… grasped at it. Something certain, something sure. Sam loved her, there was no doubt of that, and Lena needed something to hold on to.

 

Fast-forward to this moment, standing in Kara’s apartment, staring at the breakfast bar, at the empty plate on the other side, left where Kara had abandoned it just moments before. Lena had expected Kara to be unhappy with her. Of course she had. It had taken her far too much time to get a grasp on her conflicted feelings, to realise that Kara was just following orders. That Kara had wanted to tell her the whole time. Alex had told her that repeatedly over the last year or more, but Lena wasn’t ready to listen. When she thought of how she’d hurt Kara, how she’d done her best ice-queen impression when she laid eyes on her best friend for the first time in more than six months, she felt horrible. No matter what Kara had done, she’d never deserved any of that. When Sam told her about Kara’s stealth suit, about how Kara had floated silently past them in a corridor of the DEO, she’d cried for an hour. She had hurt Kara so much that Kara didn’t even want Lena to look at her again. It was… heartbreaking.

 

Still, it was a while after Psi’s escape that Sam had started to realise that there was more to Lena’s behaviour than just anger at being lied to. She came back from the DEO one evening looking a little disturbed, and she sat down with Lena right away.

 

“Hey, babe,” she’d said, sweet as ever. “You know I love you, right?”

 

“Of course,” Lena had answered, smiling. Of that, she was entirely sure. That fact had held her together since Sam first kissed her.

 

“Good. Well, just keep that in mind, okay?” Sam said, squeezing her hands gently.

 

Lena nodded, baffled.

 

“I was sparring with Alex earlier, and we had the kryptonite power dampeners on. When we were done, she switched them off, and I guess Vasquez was nearby, because she was talking to Anderson in one of the corridors, and I just tuned in by accident. Anyway, she said that she thought Alex and Maggie had been way too nice to you, after the way you behaved, abandoning Kara like that. I tuned out right away, but… I spoke to Alex, instead. I thought you were mad at Kara for lying to you about the Supergirl thing, and I didn’t really agree with it, but I figured… it’s not my place, you know? I don’t know what happened between the two of you.”

 

“Okay,” Lena said, frowning in puzzlement. “And?”

 

“And Alex told me that it wasn’t just that. That your mother had fed you some bullshit about Kara keeping an eye on you. And that you blamed her for what the DEO did to me. Now, firstly, you and I both know that Kara can’t lie to save her life. She has like, 100 tells. If she was watching you for the sake of keeping an eye on you, for the sake of watching the ‘evil’ Luthor? You would have easily known, Lee. She was your friend for a long time. I know you and I have a longer history, but you and Kara – you were always so close, and you always smiled like she brightened up your whole day.”

 

Sam sat back in her chair, still keeping one hand in Lena’s.

 

“You know that she wasn’t doing that, and you know better than to believe anything that Lillian Luthor says, don’t you?”

 

Lena shrugged.

 

“There was some truth to what she said.”

 

“Perhaps. But not about Kara watching you. Kara might have had some of her own reasons for not telling you why she was Supergirl, but you and I both know they had nothing to do with you being a Luthor. You could have asked her why, if you hadn’t been so…”

 

“Such a bitch?” Lena suggested, face cold and eyebrows up.

 

“Your words, not mine,” Sam said sternly. “But you could have asked. Instead, you told me for six months that you’d been visiting her, and Alex told me you stopped seeing her not long after we got together. Now, I get that you are upset at her, but that doesn’t excuse you lying to me. We’re in a relationship, Lena, and that’s not okay.”

 

Lena nodded, dropping her chin. She shouldn’t have lied to Sam, that was true.

 

“Now, as far as her being responsible for the actions of the DEO and the government? That is crap, Lena. You know she fought the hardest of anyone, maybe except you, to try to get me back. You know that. If she’d known what General Lane and his people had done, she would have taken the world apart to get me released. So I dare you, Lena Lutessa Luthor, to justify to me why you are blaming Kara for something you know wasn’t her fault, and that she would have opposed if she hadn’t been in a coma that I put her in. I dare you.”

 

Sam’s voice had risen in volume, and she had gritted her teeth and let go of Lena’s hand, always so careful that she didn’t hurt anyone. So the sight of her tearing one of their expensive cushions to pieces and taking deep, deep breaths to calm herself down? That made Lena stop, and think.

 

“I won’t insult you by trying to justify it,” Lena said, after a while. She sighed. “There is no excuse. Everything went so badly wrong, Sam. Kara was… she gave you the time you needed to come back, we both know that. She let Reign beat her almost to death, she held her off for longer just to give you a chance to regain control, no matter how much it cost her. And I have been… I shouldn’t have blamed her. She didn’t do anything wrong, and I know she wouldn’t have allowed what happened to you to continue. She wouldn’t. And I’m sorry. Anything that was done to you – I don’t have the right to be mad at Kara for it. She was fighting for her life, and I let myself get muddled up and emotional and I blamed it all on her. I don’t know if I agree with you about her motives for not telling me who she really was, but you’re right to say that I didn’t give her a chance to explain, and I left my best friend alone in the dark for such a long time because I was hurt, and because I let my mother manipulate me.”

 

Sam looked at her, compassionate and caring as ever.

 

“That’s a start. But… we’re gonna talk about this, Lena. A lot more. And I want you to talk to Alex and Maggie both, and… if there’s anything you’re not telling me, then… tell them. You’re entitled to your secrets. But trust someone, Lee. Whoever it is. Just tell someone why you got so upset that someone as caring, someone as compassionate as you, would turn her back on the first person to be a true friend to her in National City. I know there has to be more to it. But yeah. Secrets. We’re all entitled. Just… go to them. Talk to them. Be honest, and when you’re ready, when you’re okay to be civil, you should go to Kara. Even if it’s just an afternoon. An apology over coffee. Whatever. Just… make this right, Lena. I honestly… I can’t even contemplate making wedding plans while this cloud is hanging over us.”

 

Lena remembered her world quaking, in that moment.

 

“Do you… you don’t want to marry me?” she asked, bottom lip trembling.

 

Sam had taken her hand again.

 

“That’s… of course I want to marry you, Lena. You’re the love of my life. I love you so, so much. And to marry you, for us to be together for the rest of our lives? That would be… I want that, so much, sweetie. But this thing with you and Kara, it’s hurting you, Lee, and I want you to fix it first. Call it a wedding present to your bride, huh?”

 

Lena nodded, a few tears of shock falling from her lashes.

 

“You don’t ever need to doubt how much I love you, darling.”

 

Lena didn’t doubt it, not really, though Sam had shaken her badly when she mentioned not wanting to make wedding plans. But in truth, a deep part of her had known that Sam would still be here, even if she didn’t fix things with Kara. She loved Lena and she’d never leave, never hurt her, never do anything but love her and be steadfast and sweet. She had a wonderful daughter who was already like a daughter to Lena, and Lena had known back then, just as she knew now, as she sat at Kara’s breakfast bar staring at a sauce-tinged fork in the middle of an empty plate, that Sam’s love for her was unconditional.

 

So why did that fact make her cry harder now than she had when Kara was in that crater, almost dead?


	6. Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cat lays down the law, and Kara meets with a doctor

* * *

Kara ran out of the living area, changing into her suit and switching on the stealth function as she flew out of her bedroom window, heading as high up as she could without actually leaving Earth’s atmosphere. She hovered up there for a while, enjoying the silence. It was peaceful, up there in the cold silence of the upper atmosphere. She could hear people if she needed to – her super-hearing tended to just ‘tune in’ all by itself now when someone was in trouble. But she wasn’t bombarded with sound the way she was down there on the surface. She floated, and she let her mind drift. She tried to think of something happy, because despite what she’d said to Lena, she knew she wasn’t fine. But as hard as she tried, she couldn’t think of anything. Happiness was something that happened before the coma, before Reign, or so it seemed to her right now.

 

Her cellphone rang after a while, with Cat’s ringtone, so Kara picked it up.

 

“Where are you?” Cat demanded, without saying hello. Kara shook her head fondly.

 

“Just out,” Kara said. “Did you need me for something?”

 

“I’m at your apartment, so yes,” Cat said acerbically. “Come home, Supergirl. Chop chop.”

 

She hung up, and Kara smiled, despite a tiny bit of annoyance that Cat had spoken to Lena without telling her. She couldn’t help but smile, though, where Cat was involved. Cat had been her saving grace since she woke. She was the only one to give Kara what she needed. A purpose. No one else needed her, and that was the thing that had really driven her from National City. If just one person had truly needed her, and her alone, she might have stayed. But despite Alex’s protestations to the contrary, she didn’t need Kara. She had Maggie for emotional support, and she and Kara could continue their relationship the way they had been doing. The DEO didn’t need her, the city didn’t need her, and all of her friends had moved on. That was why she was here, in this unfamiliar city. She just wanted to be useful.

 

She flew back down, her suit still cloaked, and slipped silently through the open bedroom window, changing into casual but stylish clothing, knowing that Cat would just make fun of her if she came out in her PJs or sweats. She walked out into the living area, finding Cat sitting next to a woman Kara didn’t know, and Lena sitting opposite both women, her jaw tight and her cheeks flushed. The atmosphere was tense.

 

“Hi, Cat,” Kara said. “Sorry; I didn’t realise you were actually coming right now.”

 

Cat turned, her eyebrow raised. She appraised Kara’s clothing, nodding in satisfaction, and told Kara to sit.

 

“This is Dr Calabria,” she said. “She’s Olivia’s doctor. Olivia and I talked about what happened yesterday, and she suggested that you speak to her doctor.”

 

“I don’t need a doctor,” Kara said stubbornly. “I had a bad day.”

 

“Be that as it may, Kara, you may consider it an order from the President, to both Supergirl and Kara Danvers. You are to meet with Dr Calabria three times a week for the foreseeable future. If she’s happy with it, you can return to work next week, but if you miss sessions or otherwise do not engage with the doctor, you will be suspended until such times as Olivia and I are happy that you’re well,” Cat said, voice surprisingly soft. “I know how much you have been through, darling. Even I ask for help.”

 

“I don’t need help,” Kara insisted.

 

“Do you want to keep working for me?” Cat asked gently, taking Kara’s hands in both of hers.

 

Kara nodded, eyes downcast.

 

“Then you will do this for me. If it turns out you truly don’t need the help, then we’re good. The doctor will sign something saying so, and we will all go on with our lives. But if you do need help and you don’t avail yourself of it, darling, then things will not go well for anyone concerned. So please. Do this for me. I wouldn’t suggest it if I didn’t think it was necessary and that it would help; you know that, Kara.”

 

Kara slumped in her chair, defeated. She couldn’t argue with Cat Grant when she was being caring, of all things. It was… like meeting Bizarro Cat. Not that Cat wasn’t caring, deep down, but she hid that stuff _way_ under the surface. For her to say this stuff out loud, and in front of virtual strangers? She must be really worried.

 

“Okay,” Kara said, closing her eyes. “I’ll talk to the doctor.”

 

“Good,” Cat said. “No time like the present.”

 

Dr Calabria stood, asking Kara if there was another room they could speak in, privately. Kara showed her into the tiny room she used as an office when she worked from home. She moved piles of paper and books from the spare chair, sitting down in the other one.

 

“So, Kara. Cat tells me you had a dissociative episode yesterday. She didn’t know where you thought you were, but you were conscious, and not present. Would you like to tell me what happened?”

 

The doctor was tall and slim, reminding Kara of Lillian Luthor in some ways. But not all ways, thankfully, because her face was calm and her expression politely interested, rather than manic and smug. She looked a little strange for a human, and Kara took a second to scan her with x-ray vision. She wasn’t human, Kara could tell straight away.

 

“What are you?” Kara asked bluntly.

 

“A psychotherapist, among other things,” the doctor said calmly.

 

“What _species,”_ Kara clarified, rolling her eyes.

 

“Timosle. We are from the centre of the Milky Way, almost. A long way from here,” the doctor said, adjusting her glasses on her nose.

 

“What’s your true form like?” Kara asked, since the woman’s skeleton looked strange and bent and… confined, inside her humanoid shape.

 

“That is another story for another day,” the doctor said severely. “All you need to know about my species at this time is that we have a gift for healing emotional damage and mental illness. Even for Kryptonians. Their genetic engineering stopped telepathy, but our gifts are closer to emotional empathy, rather than psychic power. If you have damage in your heart - and I sense that you have a great deal, Kara Zor-El - then we can talk about it, as normal psychotherapists and patients do. You will learn from me how to handle pain in the future in different ways. But I can also drain any energies that are damaging your mind and heart. It is for this purpose that our people are born, and we travel the eighteen realms of our gods to help those who need us. Even from Timosle I could hear your heart shrieking, Kara Zor-El. I knew that one day we would meet. I will help you, this I swear.”

 

She looked at Kara gravely, her eyes flashing purple, and Kara relaxed a little. The Timosle were known of throughout the sectors Kara had visited when she was on Krypton. They were a legend, turning up when needed and then disappearing. Like the Mary Poppins of mind-healing. Like so many other things about her home, she’d forgotten all about them.

 

“Okay,” Kara said. “I guess I can live with that.”

 

“You will speak to me?”

 

“I will,” Kara confirmed.

 

The doctor nodded. “Then let’s begin.”

 

The session was long and draining, but afterwards Kara felt different. A little nauseated, for some reason, like something had been festering inside of her and it had burst. But in a good way. If there was a good way for that to happen.

 

Dr Calabria had spoken to her about Lena, at length, and confirmed that whatever Kara did, she had to fix what was wrong between her and Lena, even if that meant them never seeing each other again.

 

“Your heart is broken for her, and the cracks are filled with bitterness and emptiness. If it breaks any more, your Phantom Zone will seep out and engulf you. Deal with that, Kara Zor-El, before you deal with anything else.”

 

Kara took her strange warning to heart, reluctantly. She knew that just ignoring what Lena meant to her wasn’t healthy, but Lena was the one who had rejected her, not the other way around.

 

When she and the doctor returned to the living area a little while later, Lena and Cat were sitting on opposite ends of the couch. Cat was pointedly ignoring Lena, whose face was tinged with red.

 

“I will see you in two days, Kara. Remember what I said,” Dr Calabria said. Cat stood to go with her.

 

“Can I speak with you for a sec, Cat?” Kara asked.

 

“Of course,” Cat said, gently.

 

“I will wait outside,” the doctor announced, marching out at speed. Kara walked Cat to the door and took her hand, squeezing it.

 

“Thank you,” she said, closing her eyes. “I didn’t want to admit it, but I needed to talk to someone. Thank you for pushing me into it.”

 

“You’re welcome,” Cat said. “I care too much about you to see you drift back into that endless nightmare. You seem to think it’s inevitable, that the Phantom Zone is coming for you, but it’s not, Kara. You are alive, and vital, and strong. No matter what Reign did to you, you came back. You stood up for the people who needed you. And you made Reign change, back into the woman you once called a friend. You’re the strongest person I know, but everyone needs help sometimes. So don’t be embarrassed, or afraid. Admitting your weakness is considered a strength for some warrior races out there, or so I’ve heard.”

 

“Thank you, Miss Grant,” Kara said, eyes filling. “You are amazing.”

 

“I know,” Cat said breezily. “Now, go and straighten things out with your gal pal. I might want to punch her right in that pretty little face right now, but she does love you.”

 

“I will. Thank you.”

 

Cat went then, quietly, a small smile on her face, and Kara leaned against the door when she was gone, closing her eyes. She felt restless and energetic, but also exhausted and too tired to think straight.

 

“We should talk,” Lena said, from the other side of the living space. Kara looked up at her and nodded.

 

“We should.”

 

They sat in silence for an age. Kara didn’t know how to start, what to say, and she was already emotionally exhausted by her long conversation with the doctor.

 

“I don’t know how to start,” Lena said, eventually. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

 

“Tell me why you’re here,” Kara suggested.

 

“I came to apologise. I told you that.”

 

“Why, though?” Kara asked. “You were fine with things before. Even when I left, you could have said something, and you didn’t. What changed?”

 

“Nothing changed. Or not exactly, anyway. Sam talked to me. Like I said, she didn’t have any idea that you leaving had anything to do with me. She knew that I didn’t want to talk to you, but she thought it was because you’d lied about the Supergirl thing. And she said something about you hiding from me?” Lena said, one eyebrow up.

 

“My new suit has a stealth mode,” Kara explained. “I saw you and her coming towards me, a few days after I saw you for the first time after the coma. I… I couldn’t handle talking to you again, even just to say hello. If you’d looked at me like that again, I… So I switched it on, and I floated past you. I couldn’t…” she choked on a sob. “So that’s what she meant.”

 

Lena was wide-eyed, and Kara could tell that she was going to apologise again.

 

“So Sam said something to you?” Kara prompted, coughing a little to loosen up her voice, tightened by the threat of tears.

 

“Yes. She spoke to a few people. Alex, Maggie. J’onn. They told her that you’d left for a lot of reasons, but Maggie in particular was vocal about my behaviour being the main catalyst.”

 

“Okay,” Kara said, nodding. “So what did she say that changed your mind? You made things very clear when I saw you, Lena. I can’t imagine what might have made your feelings change.”

 

Lena swallowed, staring out the window.

 

“Sam asked me why I was so angry. I explained as best I could. That you were my best friend, the first person I really trusted, and it turned out that all of the things I loved the most about you were lies. Then I told her that you worked with the DEO, and that you were always locking other aliens up, and that I believed you would have supported the DEO’s treatment of her. We talked about Lillian abducting me, how she’d taunted me with how stupid and how blind I was, to be friends with you when you were really the Super who was sent there by Superman to put me down if I started to show signs of Lex’s madness.”

 

Lena sighed, her eyes still on the outside.

 

“Sam was _so_ angry at me. I mean, you’ve seen Reign angry, obviously.”

 

_Kara saw a fist coming at her, a hand around her throat. The ground rushing up to meet her. Then fighting her way back up out of the dark only to fight the same fight again. Hearing her skull crack. Her sternum. Feeling her heart stutter in her chest with each blow. Watching those fists come down, relentless, again and again. Until Sam re-emerged, pulling back, her eyes wide with horror. Kara’s blood on Reign’s fists. Wishing for it to be over, wishing for Rao to take her home._

 

“Kara, please. Wake up, come back. You’re safe, no-one can hurt you.”

Kara came back slowly this time, but deliberately. The doctor had warned her to expect these flashbacks for a while. It was part of the process. The trouble was, Kara wasn’t sure she wanted to come back. Sure, she did it this time, but next time she wasn’t sure she would even want to try. Why bother? No-one had missed her. Well. Maybe Alex, but she had Maggie, and she’d move on. She already had. She was working with her sister’s wannabe murderer as if it was nothing. She married Maggie while Kara was under. It wouldn’t take long for her to get used to Kara’s permanent absence.

 

“Kara, please. Wake up, darling. I can’t lose you again.”

 

Kara practically scoffed at that. Lena hadn’t lost her before; she’d thrown her away. Like she was trash. Rotted meat, dead from relentless blows by the butcher.

 

She opened her eyes.

 

“I’m sorry, Kara. I didn’t realise that talking about… what happened, would bring this on again.”

 

Lena sounded frantic. In any other universe, at any other time, Kara might have believed it to be genuine. But this was not that universe.

 

“I’m fine,” she said, sitting up. “I need a minute.”

 

She went to the balcony, standing in the full glare of the sun, eyes closed. It was like a bath in vitality, but it didn’t lift her spirits the way it once had. Her strength, once her comfort, was now subject to the whims of whoever came along. Whoever was stronger. Whoever could beat her into a pulp and leave her to die.

 

She stepped back inside, sitting down again. Near Lena, but not close.

 

“You were telling me that Sam was angry at you,” she said, in an emotionless voice.

                                                                                                                                                         

Lena looked at her nervously.

 

“We don’t have to do this now,” she said. “You’ve had a long day already.”

 

“The sooner we sort this out, the better,” Kara said. That’s what the doctor had said, anyway. What Kara meant was, the sooner Lena finished talking, the sooner she could go home.

 

“Okay,” Lena said, coughing a little. “I… Sam was mad at me. She was angry because she had been the reason for your… and the fact that she was able to fight her way back to herself, was because you fought her for so long, but you were never trying to kill her. She knew that. Reign… she knew it too, and she took it for weakness. But Sam knew you were giving her time.”

 

Kara nodded dully. She remembered seeing sparks in Reign’s eyes. In between blows. The first time and the second time they fought. Sparks of who she used to be. Sparks of Sam. So Kara had held back, at least a little, at the beginning - until it became clear that it was fight with all her strength to hold Reign off, or die. She had no illusions that she had ever had any chance of defeating Reign. Whoever had designed the Worldkiller had been remarkably intelligent, and she was… she was unbeatable.

 

Kara realised she was trembling, because Lena was looking at her, concerned, and she seemed to be moving around, and that’s when she realised that it was her who was moving, not Lena.

 

“Are you cold?” Lena asked.

 

Kara shook her head. She couldn’t get cold, not while she had her powers. Nevertheless, Lena went to find a blanket and came back, wrapping it around Kara’s shoulders gently. Kara settled back into the softness of the couch, letting it hold up her weight. The trembling grew less as she relaxed her body.

 

“Are you sure you’re still okay to talk about this?” Lena asked.

 

“I’m fine,” Kara said automatically. “Go on.”

 

Lena looked at her doubtfully, but continued.

 

“Sam talked to me for a long time. She reminded me of who you are, Kara. She’s something else – I mean, you know. You remember how she was, before. She made me remember how you behaved, how much respect you’ve always had for each and every alien. How you hung on to let her regain control when you could have killed her.”

 

Kara laughed bitterly at that. She could never have killed Reign. The best she could have done was delay Reign for a few minutes until Reign killed her. Lena lifted an eyebrow, but continued.

 

“She made me realise that a lot of what was going on with me – the way I treated you – it was more to do with how frightened I was. I thought you were going to die. I thought you were going to leave me, so I pre-empted it by leaving you, by manufacturing a way to blame you for everything. But you have to understand, Kara. They were taking her to and from interrogations with that asshole general, and they were tasering her with kryptonite, and her cell was… the Kryptonite was turned up to a level that would have killed her, in time, or so Alex told me later. Alex had nothing to do with her treatment, of course, because she wouldn’t do a thing like that.”

 

Lena took a deep breath, looking at Kara imploringly. Kara looked back, impassive. Waiting for Lena to finish. Waiting for Lena to go, because her being here made everything too much. She’d been fine just concentrating on work and doing the odd save as Supergirl, and occasionally sleeping with Ally or a one-night stand. None of that meant anything. But Lena – Lena did, and Kara couldn’t have that.

 

Lena coughed nervously before she continued.

 

“I asked Winn to put some mini-cameras into Sam’s cell. Smaller than a fingertip. He sneaked in there one evening and I sent the video to a private server. Eventually I made sure that some of the footage made its way to the President. The soldiers, her guards - they were beating the shit out of Sam every night. The army guys, and a handful of the DEO. One night things almost got out of hand… one of them insinuated that he might…” Lena paused for a second, taking a deep breath. “I sent the footage to President Marsdin, through Cat, and the President dismissed General Lane. He was demoted, actually. Sent to a remote outpost somewhere.”

 

Lena’s voice was shaking, and Kara had the urge to lean over, to grab her hand, to comfort her, but she wouldn’t let herself.

 

“Anyway, as you can imagine, even after all of that, the DEO were reluctant to let Sam out. They kept her for another month, testing her in a variety of ways to make sure that Reign was gone for good. I did go back to see you in that time, but then when she was back, when she was safe, I… I didn’t know how to. And then she started saving people, as Superwoman, and I couldn’t let her deal with the DEO alone. So I was coming back and forth, and I wanted to see you, Kara, but I just… I was so mad, and so stupidly proud. I couldn’t figure out how to reconcile everything. I didn’t trust the DEO, and you were part of the DEO, and I was mad at you and I was terrified that you were going to die even though you’d promised you’d always protect me. I was an idiot, Kara, and I’m so sorry. There’s no way I can ever make it up to you.”

 

Kara looked at her for a long time, saying nothing.

 

“Aren’t you going to say anything?” Lena asked, eventually.

 

“I don’t think I have anything to say,” Kara said. “Or not yet, anyway.”

 

Lena nodded.

 

“Okay. I can deal with that. Do you want me to go?”

 

Kara shrugged.

 

“I’ll stay here for a while. If you want me to go, just tell me, okay?”

 

Kara nodded.

 

“Have you seen the Good Place?” Lena asked.

 

Kara shook her head. Of course she hadn’t. She’d been practically dead for a year, and then she had left her home and started a new life as the assistant to the President’s Press Secretary.

 

“Okay. I hear it’s good. Let’s start with that. Just let me know if you hate it.”

 

Kara nodded wearily, pulling the blanket closer around herself. Being here with Lena was oddly comforting. As long as she didn’t speak.

 

The show was pretty diverting, and they got through five episodes before Kara’s stomach rumbled. She blushed, and Lena laughed, a high, tinkling sound.

 

“Let me order some food,” she said, fondly. Kara heard her rustling in the drawer in her kitchen where she kept her takeout menus, and making a quick call. Kara closed her eyes, ignoring the flashing lights on the television screen.

 

Lena settled back on the couch a few minutes later, her weight making the seat dip.

 

“Are you okay?” Lena asked, quietly.

 

“I’m fine,” Kara said automatically.

 

“Sure you are,” Lena said. Kara could practically hear her eyes roll.

 

“Just leave it alone,” Kara said, quietly but harshly.

 

Lena recoiled, standing and moving away. Kara was equal parts relieved and ashamed. Lena didn’t deserve her… Well, maybe she did, but Kara wasn’t that much of an ass that she would enjoy being like this to anyone. She didn’t enjoy taking her negative feelings out on people, no matter how much they had hurt her.

 

The food arrived a few minutes later and Lena set a plate down on Kara’s coffee table.

 

“Thank you,” Kara said, quietly. “And I’m sorry for snapping. You should go, Lena. You don’t have to take crap from me. Go home to your job and your fiancée and your new family, Lena, please. If you ever cared about me, just go.”

 

She lifted the plate of food and went to her room, leaving a dumbfounded, tearful Lena Luthor in her wake.


	7. Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara and Lena argue, and the doctor and Cat have words with our superhero

* * *

The next day Kara slipped out of the apartment first thing in the morning, taking off into the skies and not returning until after midnight. She went to Paris, Berlin and Phuket, eating her favourite foods and flying when she wasn’t eating. Weirdly, she felt free, like she wasn’t tethered to the Earth. Part of her wanted to test that theory, wanted to fly out through the barrier of the Earth’s atmosphere and into space, to see how far she’d get. Sure, she’d passed out the last time she did that, but she didn’t agree with Alex’s assertion that she couldn’t survive in space, that she couldn’t generate thrust. Her collapse had likely been more to do with lifting Fort Rozz into space after almost blowing her powers in her fight with Non.

 

She was turning her head, considering it, when her earpiece crackled. The DEO’s Washington office.

 

“Supergirl? Are you around? We have a situation,” an anonymous voice said.

 

“Of course,” Kara said. “What’s going on?”

 

She turned back towards the States at high speed. Ten minutes later she was hovering over the Washington monument, where some sort of King Kong lookalike was scaling the thing, taking half of it down as it did so. It was pulling huge bits of rock from the monument and throwing it at people below.

 

“Hey!” Kara yelled, shooting a blast of heat vision at the creature to get his attention.

 

He howled in pain.

 

“Sorry, but what are you doing?” she asked, hovering nearby.

 

“Grodd want to go home!” he snarled, and then her mind was assailed by a blast of psychic energy. She fell to the ground, shaking her head to clear it. She calculated carefully, x-raying his skull to check how much pressure she needed to knock him out but not kill him. She nodded to herself, dodging another pile of rock and then moving faster than the eye could see – or the ape could follow. She caught the falling ape as he fell, knocked clean out, and Kara dropped him with her DEO colleagues, warning them that he had some sort of psychic ability. She gave in to her growing tiredness, then, heading back to her apartment. A quick x-ray of her apartment showed Lena asleep on the couch. Kara drifted in through her bedroom window, changing into her PJs. She went to check on Lena, finding the television still on. She switched it off before lifting Lena gently and putting her into her bed in the guest bedroom. She looked down at the peaceful, sleeping face of her friend, a woman she loved perhaps more than almost anyone on this Earth, and found her eyes filling with tears. Their friendship, any love between them, that was all before. This was now, and before didn’t matter, not anymore. She smoothed the comforter over Lena’s body and turned, heading back to her room. She didn’t notice Lena’s eyes open, watching her in the darkness of her apartment. She didn’t notice Lena wipe away a tear, biting her lip to keep from sobbing.

 

***

 

The next day Kara woke early, with a manic sort of energy that had her unable to sit still. Lena, who had made her breakfast again, watched her fondly, rolling her eyes, but saying nothing. Luckily, there was a small disaster on the other side of DC, and she was able to get out some of her energy holding up a building and welding parts of it together with her heat vision.

 

After that she went to help the crew who were fixing the Washington monument, and with her help, a job that should have taken a few weeks was done in an hour. The DEO had tracked Grodd the Gorilla’s origin down to a parallel Earth, and had contacted Barry Allen, who brought him home, away from Earth 38 and out of trouble, hopefully.

 

When Kara was done with her city repairs, she headed back to her apartment, taking a deep breath as she entered. Lena was tapping away on a keyboard at the kitchen table, and the sight of her irritated Kara beyond belief. She swallowed it down, however, because she had yet to deal with her feelings about what Lena had said to her. She had no idea how to deal with them, truth be told.

 

“Hi,” she said, dully.

 

“Hi,” Lena said, turning to look at her, a hopeful look on her face. “How are you feeling?”

 

“Fine,” Kara said, shortly. “You?”

 

“You know,” Lena said, smiling. “Busy. Like always. CatCo and LCorp don’t run themselves.”

 

“I thought you’d taken a step back from CatCo,” Kara commented.

 

“I did. For a long time. But it was for the same stupid reasons I didn’t go to see you. I… I bought CatCo because I knew it was something that you loved. I knew it was important to you. And then, with everything – I left James to look after it. But the truth is, he’s not really CEO material. I have a lot of work to do, to bring things back into line.”

 

Kara nodded. She wasn’t surprised. James was smart, but his focus wasn’t on CatCo. It was on his superhero antics as Guardian.

 

“So what are you planning? Are you taking over again, or are you firing James and putting someone else in his place?”

 

“Do you really want to know?” Lena asked, eyes narrowing. She turned to face Kara fully.

 

“I do,” Kara said, shrugging. “CatCo was a haven for me, when I needed it.”

 

Lena nodded thoughtfully.

 

“My plan is to ask him to step down. His heart isn’t in it anyway. I might run it myself, or I might hire someone who’s better qualified. I’m not sure, yet. Sam is the official CEO of LCorp, though I’m still Chair of the Board and all that stuff. I have some decisions to make, I think.”

 

Kara nodded. She went to the kitchen, where she found food in the oven, waiting.

 

“You don’t have to cook for me,” she said, keeping her voice level with difficulty.

 

“I was cooking for myself, anyway,” Lena said dismissively.

 

“You eat sloppy Joe’s now?” Kara asked, turning and folding her arms across her chest.

 

“Have you seen who I live with?” Lena asked, half-laughing. “Sam and Ruby kill for those things. So yeah, I’ve learned to adapt.”

 

Kara’s throat tightened. Of course Lena’s eating habits would change. She had a family now.

 

“I… I’m not hungry, actually. I’m going to take a nap,” Kara said, disappearing at super-speed before Lena could say a thing. She cried herself to sleep into her pillow, staying as quiet as she could. She prayed to Rao to help her, to give her a reason why he’d brought her back to this torment instead of letting her go, letting her join her family in his light. And then she slept until Lena knocked on her door timidly a while later.

 

“The doctor is here,” she said, apologetically.

 

Kara nodded, changing out of her suit once Lena was gone, into her normal daytime clothes.

 

Her session with the doctor was draining. They talked about Krypton, about the coma, about the Phantom Zone. And about Lena, despite Kara not wanting to talk about her at all.

 

“She’s worried about you, Kara Zor-El,” the doctor insisted. “No matter what her actions were in the past, she is sorry and she wants to help. She doesn’t have to be here, you know that.”

 

“I don’t want her here,” Kara snapped. “I want her to leave me alone. She left me in that place, and now she wants me to forgive her. Meanwhile, she’s living with the woman who almost killed me. They’re getting married. Why is she even here? She wants to be with Sam, so why is she here?” Her voice was trembling.

 

The doctor looked at her carefully.

 

“That’s the first time you’ve shown that much emotion,” she noted. “I can’t help but wonder what that means.”

 

“It means I’m pissed,” Kara said, gritting her teeth. “She was my best friend, the closest person to me. My support. And I went to fight Reign, knowing who she was, knowing I would probably die. I went to what I knew was probably going to be my death because I wanted Lena to be safe. Her and my family and my other friends. And then I woke up and she wasn’t there. She didn’t want to see me, because apparently, she blamed me for what had happened to Sam when I wasn’t even _conscious_. Only now she says it was because she was scared to lose me, so she invented a reason not to see me. I don’t know how to make sense of any of it.”

 

“She cares for you, that much is clear to me,” the doctor said, after a pause. “She wouldn’t be here otherwise, would she?”

 

“I don’t know,” Kara said, scrubbing at her face with her hands. “It doesn’t make any sense to me. Why won’t she just leave me alone? She’s hurt me enough.”

 

“I think she is also scared, because she witnessed you in this dissociative state. I know it frightened Cat,” the doctor said.

 

“I was there for a year,” Kara said, sullen. “I was there for a year, abandoned.”

 

“I know you felt that you were alone, but as I understand it, you were never alone in that room. Not for one minute. Your friends and your family took shifts to make sure that you never woke up alone. For a year. So yes, your friend Lena might have deserted you, and I do not pretend to know or understand her reasons. But you are not alone, however you might feel. However you might try to isolate yourself.”

 

“I am not isolating myself,” Kara protested. “This is literally the capital of the country!”

 

“And yet, before your Lena was here, you spent most of your nights alone in this apartment. You are far from everyone and everything you know, except Cat. And she agrees you needed to run away, and so she gave you a job.”

 

“So it’s a pity job?” Kara asked, her jaw tight.

 

“No, she needed an assistant. The timing was just… fortunate.”

 

Kara shook her head. Nothing was as it should be. She came here to be needed, not to be given a pity position to occupy her.

 

“I’m going to resign tomorrow,” Kara said, fuming. “I can’t believe she…”

 

“She gave you the job because you were the right person for it,” the doctor interrupted. “Are you good at your job? Is it challenging? Could someone else do it as well as you, do you think? Someone Cat would trust as much?”

 

Kara thought for a moment.

 

“I am good at the job, and probably there aren’t many people with my skills. As for whether Cat would trust anyone else as much as she trusts me? I don’t know.”

 

“You do,” the doctor stated flatly. “Now, talk to me about your friend Lena. You became friends how? A Luthor and a Kryptonian?”

 

Kara sighed, and began to tell the doctor about meeting Lena. About how it had changed her life. How Lena was her confidante, her strength, her cheerleader, and she was the same for Lena.

 

“And then?” the doctor asked.

  
“And then, she went out with my friend James for a while, and then that fizzled when she was told about some of the things he said about her before they started dating. And there was Sam, who became our best friend. Who turned out to be Reign, the Worldkiller. She’s from my world, but she was sort of built, I guess, by genetic engineers on my planet. What for, I don’t truly understand. But Lena… I said goodbye to her before I went to fight Reign. The first time she and I fought, she beat me almost to death. I had no real hope that I could beat her. So I told Lena to find her happiness, and said I was going away for a while, and we hugged. She kissed me on the cheek, and that’s the last time I saw ‘my’ Lena.”

 

“And what are your feelings for her, Kara Zor-El?” Dr Calabria asked, leaning back, her arms folded across her chest.

 

“What do you mean?” Kara asked.

 

“You know what I am asking, Kara. Your planet had Matricomp, but even before that, Kryptonians knew when they had met their soulmate. You knew when you had found _zhao_ , the romantic love.”

 

“Romantic?” Kara said, scoffing. “I’m… that’s not even… I’m not gay, Dr Calabria.”

 

“Perhaps you are not gay, but that does not mean you cannot be attracted to a woman. There are a plethora of definitions on this planet. And on Krypton, as on my planet, no such definitions existed, because all were considered to be bisexual. Or perhaps it would translate more to pansexuality, as they call it on Earth.”

 

“I don’t want to talk about this,” Kara muttered.

 

“I am sure you do not. Because to speak of it makes it real, does it not?” Dr Calabria pointed out, pushing her glasses up her long, thin nose. Her eyes sparked amethyst for a minute before returning to a more non-descript brown.

 

“Doctor, I agreed to do therapy to discuss my coma, and make sure I don’t have another… episode. I don’t see how this is relevant,” Kara said, rubbing her temples. She never got headaches, but one was definitely threatening right now.

 

“I understand, Kara, but part of your current issues are to do with Miss Luthor and the loss of her from your life. You lost her, and that loss was more difficult than the loss of your purpose, as National City’s hero, or your sister’s marriage in your absence, or your friends and their focus on their own lives to the detriment of yours. It is clear that Lena is an issue, one with which you need help. So speak, or do not. If you do not, I will report back to the Cat and the President that you are not co-operating.”

 

The doc crossed her arms, with a tiny, smug little smile. Checkmate. Kara’s skin was already itching with the need to do something, to be useful. To not disappear. The doctor held all the cards, and she knew it.

 

“Fine,” Kara said, glaring. “I suppose I don’t really have any choice, then.”

 

The doctor nodded.

 

“Now. Your feelings on Miss Luthor are not simply platonic, are they? When did you realise this?”

 

Kara thought about it. She wasn’t actually that sure. But when Lena started seeing James, she did feel something not-friendly.

 

“I don’t know exactly. But she… she kissed our friend, James, around the time when I had my first fight with Reign. She asked for my blessing… well, technically it wasn’t me, because I was in my first Reign-induced coma. But when I realised that they were seeing each other, I felt… non-friendly, let’s just say. I was pretty angry, and at first I thought it was because James had been so nasty about Lena in the past.”

 

“And yet he was happy to be in a relationship with her? Interesting…” Dr Calabria said.

 

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Kara said, heatedly. “He was fine when he was going to get sex out of it, but as soon as Lena came under any sort of suspicion, he was like ‘she’s a Luthor, she’s bad news, Kara’.” She did her best ‘sanctimonious James’ impression, crossing her arms and frowning.

 

The doctor chuckled. “So after this, I assume she broke up with James?”

 

“She found out some of the things he’d said about her before.”

 

“And did you have anything to do with this realisation?” Dr Calabria asked.

 

“I didn’t. It was Maggie who told her, actually,” Kara said. “She felt like Lena needed to know that he had, at one point, been trying to convince Supergirl-me into treating her like a villain.”

 

“And you didn’t,” the doctor said. It wasn’t a question.

 

“I believed in her from the first time I met her. She was so different to Lex, so unsure of herself, so small, in some ways. And yet she still fought so hard to make things better, trying to make up for what he did, in whatever small way she could. And everything she has done since that moment has proved me right. Even my cousin agrees, and he has the most right to be bitter about the Luthor name. But James wouldn’t give her the benefit of the doubt, even when he realised that it was my father who made the Medusa virus, and my aunt who wanted to make humans into slaves with Myriad. He never judged me for those things, but he was ready to blame her for anything that went wrong in the city, as soon as she got here. Even when it became clear that she was the target of the attacks, not the perpetrator.”

 

“You are passionate in her defence,” the doctor noted. “You love her, do you not?”

 

“Of course I do. She’s smart and strong, and she is really trying to make a difference in the world. And she cares so hard,” Kara said. “I don’t know how anyone doesn’t love her.”

 

The doctor grinned. On her long face, the expression looked feral.

 

“So the loss of this person from your life, this person who you love, who is so important to you. It has sent you into a spiral. I find it telling that the first time you have an episode here in Washington, it’s when Lena is in your office.”

 

“Do you think that’s why it happened?” Kara asked, a little plaintively.

 

“I do,” the doctor said. “Lena Luthor is not the only issue you are holding on to, but she is… a catalyst, for some of your more negative feelings. Of abandonment, of being left behind, alone.”

 

Kara’s vision dimmed around the edges, the Phantom Zone crowding in. The doctor touched her bare arm and, after a few seconds, her vision returned to normal. She felt exhausted, suddenly.

 

“That will be all for today,” the doctor said, crisply. “We have made strides, Kara Zor-El. You need to eat and rest. No Supergirl duties for you today. The DEO will be informed.”

 

“But…”

 

The doctor held up her hand.

 

“No buts. You are grounded. You will stay home and eat and sleep, that is all.”

 

Kara ground her teeth.

 

“Fine,” she managed, after a while. “Thank you, doctor.”

 

“You’re welcome,” the doctor said. “I will see you in two days.”

 

Kara nodded, standing up slowly, her world rocking around her. The doctor supported her into the living area, setting her down on the couch. She went to speak to Lena, who was bustling around in the kitchen, and Lena turned to look at Kara, concerned. She nodded resolutely at what the doctor was saying, seeing her out, and then she made a quick call before heading over to the couch and wrapping Kara in a blanket.

 

“The doctor said you had a bit of an episode. You’re on house arrest today, so don’t shout at me. I’m just following orders, okay?”

 

Kara nodded, silently. She had been scared, badly, by the darkness closing in on her again. She had hoped that the episode in her office was a one-off. Lena pulled her close and put an arm around her shoulders, and Kara let herself relax back into her arms. She didn’t know why Lena was offering her comfort, or even why she was here, but it was what she needed, so she went with it.

 

A little while later, Lena got up to answer the door, grabbing the takeout food from the delivery person and setting it out on plates. A few minutes later, she brought it over. Homemade arancini with focaccia, garlic bread, baked cannelloni, and eggplant parmigiana.

 

“You always know what’ll make me feel better.”

 

“Well, you are my favourite,” Lena said, smiling the way she had, back when they were still friends. Kara gave her a tentative smile back, before eating her way through the piles of food methodically. When she was finished, she was suddenly exhausted.

 

“Lie down,” Lena urged, quietly. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

 

“Promise?” Kara asked, before she could stop herself.

 

“Promise,” Lena said, nodding gravely. She put a cushion on her knee, and Kara laid her head on it. Lena fussed with her blanket for a moment, making sure Kara was totally covered, and then she began to run her fingers through Kara’s hair, humming a melody quietly. Kara fell asleep almost immediately.

 

It was dark when she woke, and Lena’s fingers were still in her hair. She moved a little, turning her head, and found that Lena was asleep, her head back against the cushions and her mouth slightly open. She looked silly but beautiful, still. Kara watched her for a moment before she decided to sit up. She wrapped Lena up in the blanket, this time, and went to the kitchen to cook. She put together some ingredients to make a chicken broth, enjoying the time that it took to boil the chicken, scooping out the scum from the top of the pot, chopping vegetables and then pulling apart the still-hot chicken with her fingers. She grabbed some stellini, star-shaped pasta, and cooked the finely-sliced vegetables in the chicken stock she’d made by boiling the bird, adding the pasta first and then the hand-shredded chicken. When it was ready, she brought two bowls to the coffee table, shaking Lena awake gently.

 

“I made some soup,” Kara said, quietly.

 

“Thanks, baby,” Lena said, sleepily. “Is Ruby sleeping?”

 

With that, the domestic atmosphere abruptly disappeared, for Kara. She wasn’t Lena’s partner. She was an old friend who Lena felt bad for, that was all. She needed Lena to go home as soon as possible. This was hurting much more than it was healing.

 

“It’s Kara,” she said. “I brought you some soup. I’m going to my room.”

 

Before Lena could reply, she shot into her room, keeping her soup in her bowl only by virtue of having superpowers. She ate the food without really tasting it, staring out at the Washington Skyline. Was there anywhere on this Rao-forsaken planet where she would ever feel safe, like she was at home? It didn’t seem likely, not now.

 

She lay back on her bed, closing her eyes, and let tears leak from behind her closed lids. She had never felt so alone on this planet, not since she woke from her coma.

 

Lena knocked on her door a little while later. Kara didn’t answer, but she opened the door anyway.

 

“I’m just checking you didn’t leave. The doctor said you shouldn’t exert yourself,” Lena said. She put a cup of herbal tea on Kara’s nightstand. “I’m sorry that I… I was half-asleep, and Sam has to wake me for dinner most days. I just… forgot where I was.”

 

“Go home, Lena,” Kara said, turning onto her side. “Just please, go home. You’re making this worse.”

 

She felt, rather than heard, Lena recoil.

 

“I’m here to try to help, Kara,” she said, after a moment’s silence. “I want to help.”

 

“Well you’re not,” Kara said, tears running down onto her pillow. “Just leave me alone, please.”

 

Lena took a deep breath.

 

“I’ll leave you for now, Kara. But I’m not going anywhere. If it was you, you wouldn’t leave me.”

 

“If it was me, I never would have left in the first place. Just… leave me alone, Lena. You’ve done your due diligence. Just let me go, okay?”

 

“I can’t,” Lena said, quietly. “I fucked this all up, I know that. I hurt you badly. But I didn’t mean to, and I have no intention of letting that stand. You are the most important person in my life, Kara Danvers, and I want you to know that. When you do, then maybe I’ll go back. Maybe.”

 

“You are getting married, Lena. Shouldn’t Sam be the most important person in your life? Just go, please. Stop hurting me over and over. It’s too much.”

 

Lena sighed.

 

“I’m going. I’ll be here in the morning if you want to talk.”

 

Kara didn’t breathe again until the door closed. She put some music on to cover up, and then she let her tears out. She cried herself to sleep, something she’d been doing far too often, recently. When she woke in the morning, Lena was gone. She didn’t know whether to be relieved or heartbroken.

 

It was around lunchtime when Cat knocked on the door, sashaying her way inside with a Prada bag hooked around her elbow.

 

“Good afternoon, Kiera,” she said, dismissively. She sat on the couch, perching in that elegant way of hers, and Kara looked at her quizzically.

 

“It’s been a long time since you called me Kiera,” Kara said, puzzled. “What did I do?”

 

“What do you think you did?” Cat asked, looking at her over the top of her glasses.

 

“I have no idea,” Kara said.

 

“We both know that’s not true. Lena Luthor came to see me this morning. She cried so hard I thought she was going to burst a blood vessel. You know how I hate it when people cry, Kara. And you made that happen. She came by to ask for my help because, no matter what she does, how much she tries, you keep pushing her away. I couldn’t exactly tell her that your little shit-fit last night was caused by jealousy, now, could I? Because she thought you were Sam, her beloved fiancée, and you were butthurt because it’s not you.”

 

“That’s not true,” Kara said, frowning.

 

“Isn’t it?”

 

“No,” Kara said, firmly. “I’m not exactly… delighted, that she is marrying the woman who nearly killed me. But I’m not jealous of Sam; not like that. I’m envious because she almost killed me and as a reward she took my whole fucking life, Cat. I can’t blame Sam, because it’s not her fault, but I’m pissed, okay? And Lena… she left me behind to look after the person who put me in a coma. So I’m not exactly loving the reminder, okay? But if she’s good for Lena, then that’s great. It wasn’t jealousy, Cat.”

 

“You know, I think I actually believe you,” Cat said, taking her glasses off and chewing on the leg contemplatively. “I think that, in ordinary circumstances, you would probably be pleased for them. Which leads me to this question. What the _fuck_ is wrong with you? If someone had taken all of that away from me, and my best friend/the woman I love, I would not be cheering her on. Why are you?”

 

“Because she didn’t deserve to be made into that thing, Cat. She didn’t. She didn’t want to be the judge of worlds, to decide who lived and who died. She didn’t want to be responsible for killing people. And if she and Lena had to fall in love, then so be it. I could have said something to Lena about how I felt before all of this, but I didn’t.”

 

“You make me sick,” Cat said, shaking her head. “You really are that good, aren’t you?”

 

“Um… thanks?” Kara said, frowning.

 

“You’re an idiot, Kara. You love Lena, and she loves you. She wouldn’t be here, otherwise, putting up with this shit from you. I wouldn’t put up with it, I can tell you that.”

 

“Why are you here, Cat?” Kara said wearily.

 

“I came to tell you to take it easy on Lena. She’s annoyingly determined to stay here and help you, whether you like it or not. You telling her it was hurting you more… well, that almost put her off. But I managed to talk her round. You wouldn’t have lashed out like that unless you were scared.”

 

“Scared of what? She _is_ hurting me, Cat. She’s making it harder. She’s going to go soon, and I’ll probably never see her again. So she might as well go now and that way I’ll get over it more quickly.”

 

“You know you don’t want her to go,” Cat said, gently. “You don’t want that at all. So why are you trying so hard to get rid of her?”

 

“Like I said. It’ll hurt less if she goes now. The longer she stays, the longer I’ll have to…”

 

“To what? To keep feeling this way about her? Like you love her?”

 

Kara nodded, defeated.

 

“She doesn’t love me like that, and when she goes it’s going to hurt, Cat. I hurt so bad already. I don’t think I can take much more.”

 

Cat looked at her, green eyes intent on Kara’s.

 

“She does love you, Kara. Maybe she doesn’t want to admit it, but she does. This wedding with the other Kryptonian isn’t going to happen. Trust me. I can tell,” Cat said, soothingly. “Now, when she comes back, I want you to apologise to her for what you said last night, and thank her for helping you. And stick to the doctor’s instructions. I don’t want to find out that you’ve had another episode, okay?”

 

Kara nodded, clenching her jaw.

 

“I’m going back to the White House, but the next time you feel like you’re going to flip out on Lena, call me, okay? I am not exactly her best friend, Kara. I’m very much on your side – her reasons for cutting you out of her life were spurious at best. But I do enjoy a good redemption story. So give her a chance, Supergirl?”

 

“I will,” Kara promised. “I’m sorry she cried at you, Cat.”

 

“It’s fine. At least she didn’t try to make me a latte with whole milk.”

 

“That was one time,” Kara protested. “And it wasn’t even me!”

 

“Well if you think I’m forgiving you just because you weren’t there, you don’t know me very well,” Cat said, sniffing.

 

Kara shook her head, smiling despite herself.

 

“Don’t ever change, Cat. Please,” she said, smiling.

 

“I think I can safely guarantee that I won’t,” Cat said, sweetly. “Now, I’m going. Remember what I said.”

 

Kara nodded, showing Cat to the door and waving until she disappeared down the corridor. A little while later, Lena opened the door with a key and came in, standing by the door uncertainly.

 

“I’m sorry,” Kara said, as soon as she saw Lena. “I was as asshole and I lashed out at you. I appreciate everything you’ve done since you came here.”

 

“Is that what Cat told you to say?” Lena asked, tilting her head a little, both eyebrows up.

 

“Yes,” Kara admitted. “But she’s right. I said something that I knew would drive you away, and I didn’t mean it.”

 

“You sounded like you meant it,” Lena said, chin still up.

 

“I wanted you to go, Lena. So I had to make it convincing.”

 

“Why did you want me to go?” Lena asked.

 

“Because I thought if you left now, it would hurt less than if you stayed here longer and I started depending on you.”

 

Lena looked at her carefully for a minute or so.

 

“I’m not going anywhere; not until I know you’re okay,” Lena said.

 

“You have to go soon; you’re getting married,” Kara said.

 

“I set my wedding date, Kara. I can change it if I want to. In fact, Sam and I already decided to delay it until we have more time.”

 

“You shouldn’t be putting it off for me,” Kara said, quietly. “I’ll still be here when you come back from your honeymoon or whatever. I’ll be fine.”

 

“Yes, you’re clearly totally fine,” Lena scoffed. “People who are fine usually have multiple dissociative episodes in a week.”

 

Kara sighed.

 

“I said I was sorry.”

 

“I know,” Lena said. “Now, have you got any more of that delicious soup? Because it was really nice, even though you acted like an ass.”

 

“Fine,” Kara said, hiding a small smile. “Go sit down and I’ll make some.”

 

She grabbed some more pasta and cooked it in the broth, serving up two more steaming bowls. This time they ate together, Kara sitting close but not quite next to Lena on the couch. They dipped the last of the soup out of the bowl with the remainder of the focaccia from their Italian meal the day before.

 

“I didn’t think you could cook,” Lena commented, when they were done.

 

“I don’t normally have enough patience. And I eat a lot. It’s easier to order in. But yeah, I learned how to cook from Eliza.”

 

“Compliments to Eliza, then, because that’s the best chicken broth I’ve ever had.”

 

“I’ll pass it on,” Kara said, collecting the bowls and going to clean up. She made some tea once she’d loaded up the dishwasher, and set the cups on the coffee table.

 

“So why did you talk to me like that last night? What did I do?”

 

“It was… I’m having some difficulties, dealing with what Reign did to me. And I can’t help but transfer some of those feelings to Sam. Before you say anything, of course I know that it wasn’t her fault. But on paper, she almost killed me and then she pretty much took my life. Like, suddenly my best friend didn’t want anything to do with me, but was getting married to her. And she took over being the superhero for my city. My sister works with her and respects her, she’s part of the gang. And it felt a lot like people didn’t miss me. It was maybe because I was under for so long, I guess, that people moved on. So when you woke up and you thought I was her, it touched a nerve. And I thought it would be better if you left right away, because you were going to anyway. So I lashed out. I’m sorry.”

 

Lena was looking at her understandingly.

 

“I think I get it,” she said, eventually. “I know that you understand that it wasn’t Sam’s fault, but in some ways that doesn’t really matter. The result is the same. You’ve been pushed out of your own life, and Sam has ended up taking on some of the roles you once held. It must be… frustrating.”

 

Kara nodded, looking away. Frustrated wasn’t the word she would use. Lost, alone, abandoned. Those covered it a little better.

 

“I’m not leaving, Kara. I’m here until you don’t need me anymore. If you really want me to go, then you can tell me right now and I will. But if you’re willing, I’d like to stay and help in any way that I can.”

 

“I want you to stay,” Kara managed, swallowing. “But I wish you could just get on with your life instead. You shouldn’t be here when you should be getting married.”

 

“That’s my decision, Kara. Not yours. Since I’m here, you can take it as read that it’s where I want to be. No-one is forcing me. I want to be here for you, and here is where I’ll stay until you don’t need me.”

 

Kara thought that Lena might never leave, in that case, because Kara knew she’d always need Lena. But she would let her go, because that’s what friends do when it comes to their friends’ happiness. They let go and they stand on the sidelines and they applaud. That’s what friends do, even if it breaks their heart.


	8. Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena has some thoughts, there are some flashbacks, and Lena and Sam have a talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. I have been reading the comments on this fic, as I do with all of my fics. I will apologise, first, because I can’t reply to them all. I usually do answer when someone asks a question, but that’s all I can manage because of an issue with my laptop. But to return to the comments - you all have a lot of thoughts about this fic. It’s already got more comments than almost any of my other fics - and while I am really pleased that it has generated so much conversation, there is one thing I need to say to those of you who are asking me to change things in the fic, like Sam’s superhero name, or the main pairing, or how the therapist acts, to name a few suggestions I’ve had. We’re less than halfway through what I’ve already written, and I wrote this fic based on my own thoughts and observations. I’m not planning to change anything that I have written, I’m sorry. This is a SuperCorp fic, Dr Calabria is an alien treating an alien, and her methods are not intended to be an accurate reflection of therapy here on earth. And Sam’s gonna stay Superwoman. And to reiterate what’s in the tags, there is cheating here, and there is non-con, for a very specific reason that will become clear when (if) you read it. Anyway, like I said, I love getting comments, and I read every one, but if you are commenting to tell me how I should change the fic, I’m sorry – that’s not going to happen. If any of the issues in the fic are worrying or upsetting to you, please don’t read; life is far too short to waste on a fic that is upsetting to you for any reason. My hope when I'm posting a fic is that people will enjoy it, so please don't read if you're not. Thanks all of you for reading, and I hope those of you who do continue will enjoy the rest.

* * *

Lena stood at the window, staring out at the city beyond. For such a cheap apartment, Kara’s place really did have a nice view. Lena tuned out of the conference call she’d been brought in on for God only knew what reason, beyond bored with the macho posturing of the idiots she had to deal with as CEO of L-Corp and now CatCo. She missed the days of working on research, of making the world a better place.

 

She rubbed at her eyes, displacing her glasses and leaving a few smears on the lenses. She was so, so tired. Running two companies was virtually impossible, but even when she’d been doing that she hadn’t been this drained. This whole thing with Kara was exhausting on a level she couldn’t truly comprehend. Part of her regretted the decision to come here, to try to make things right. She could have been in National City right now, returning home from work at 6pm to Sam making dinner and Ruby chattering about whatever she’d been doing at school that day or telling them the gossip about the kids in her class, like if Carl had ever got up the courage to ask Elise to go to the movies with him, or whether her arch-nemesis had been caught sending rumours around their class group chat. It was a simpler life, a more comfortable one. But it wasn’t the truth. It was someone’s truth, sure, but not Lena’s. Lena didn’t get simple domesticity. She wanted it, of course. She wanted to feel comfortable and safe at home, the way she never had been at the Luthor mansion or even with Jack. He had had so many expectations of Lena; that they would get married, have kids and she would give up her career to look after them. It wasn’t that Lena hadn’t wanted kids too – she still did, but… not like that, not where they were going to be ‘her’ responsibility because she was the one who gave birth to them. She wasn’t the traditional type, and Jack knew that, but he’d still tried to change her.

 

Part of her wished that she’d just stayed in Metropolis when he asked her. Maybe he’d still be alive if she had. Maybe they’d have a whole brood of smart little kids who could imitate their dad’s accent perfectly, and maybe she’d be deliriously happy. But she doubted it.

 

This thing with Kara, their friendship, it was realer and deeper than any other relationship Lena had ever had. Back before Reign, their friendship had been this pure, fresh, living thing, and it had given Lena life for the first time since Lex’s madness had brought her life crashing down about her ears. She was still embarrassed, looking back, at how much her cheeks used to hurt when Kara was around, because she could never stop herself from lighting up around her. Now, though, with this Kara – the broken, lost Kara with the dead eyes, Lena was still… not lighting up, exactly. But every moment with Kara, even when they were arguing, it felt important, significant in a way that Lena was fairly sure would rival any significant moment with Sam or Jack or James or anyone else. She wasn’t sure what that meant for her, or for Kara, but she knew it meant something, and that she would have to keep trying to help Kara, trying to help repair the harm she’d done.

 

She kept making mistakes. The night she’d caused Kara to go into one of those dissociative states had terrified her. Saying something so stupid as “Well, you’ve seen Sam angry.” Who did that? Like, “Hey Kara, remember when my fiancée beat you almost to death? Wasn’t that fun?” Fucking idiot. But Kara had come back round from it that time. Lena had a feeling that it wasn’t always going to be that easy to get her back, but she wasn’t sure where it came from.

 

“Miss Luthor? Miss Luthor, did you hear that?”

 

She snapped back to attention.

 

“I’m sorry, Henry. I think I lost you there for a minute. Would you mind repeating that for me?”

 

Ten minutes later the conference call was done, and Lena went to the kitchen and busied herself cutting up vegetables. She was going to try making an Irish stew. She knew the recipe by heart. A tattered, hand-written recipe book, a teddy bear and a tiny bracelet were the only things she’d retained from her time with her biological mother. Lena couldn’t remember her, not really. Just little flashes. A scent here, or a sound, a song that she could never quite recognise enough to have any hope of finding it. Hair as dark as Lena’s own, and eyes almost as pale. She didn’t think she’d ever met any sort of father figure, which made sense once she realised that Lionel Luthor was actually her biological father. It had been fun getting that revelation from her mother’s lips, in a prison no less. And it was all part of a scam to get Lena herself put in prison. Because apparently that was how the Luthor family operated these days, since Lex’s madness and Lionel’s subsequent death.

 

The last few days had been a roller coaster. Kara disappeared for a whole day, and then lifted Lena into bed so… so fucking _tenderly_ , it had just about ended her. She made a meal for Lena and then she freaked out because Lena thought she was Sam for a split-second when she was waking up. A delicious meal, one that tasted like home-cooking and love.

 

Kara had told her to go, to stop hurting her more. It had been like a gut-punch. She was here because she wanted to help, not because she wanted to make it worse. She had thought they were getting somewhere when Kara trusted her to be there when she woke.

 

She’d left after Kara said that she was hurting her even worse, calling a car service and going to the nearest hotel. She sat on the balcony for half the night, drinking whiskey that probably cost more than the entire apartment building that Kara lived in, and wondered if Kara was right. Why was she even here? Was she really just making things worse, reminding Kara of things she was trying to leave behind? For the first time since she’d decided to come to DC, she was doubting herself.

 

She fell into a fitful sleep sometime around 5 and had unsettled dreams, waking up with tears on her face. She’d dreamed of Kara saying goodbye to her, the evening that Reign had escaped Lena’s lab. Reign had torched a half-way house, burning 30 people alive with her heat vision. Most of them were violent offenders, but they’d paid their dues, by human standards. Not by Reign’s, though. She burned them alive and goaded Supergirl to come stop her.

 

Lena didn’t realise at the time that Kara thought she was going to her death. Lena was distraught over Reign escaping, beating herself up for not seeing the tiny vulnerability in her security. And Kara was… she wasn’t like herself. She was normally bubbly and smiling, but that day she was cold, her face hard, set.

 

“I… I came to say goodbye, Lee. I know that this is really quick, and I wish I’d had longer to decide, but I got a job in Australia. It’s a long-term thing, and I’ll be investigating some pretty scary people, so I might not be able to talk to anyone for a while. Hopefully I’ll be back, but I don’t know when.”

 

Lena had blinked for a minute, trying to take in what Kara was saying.

 

“Kara, what do you mean?” she said, eventually. “I don’t understand. You’re going undercover in Australia, for some sort of criminal activity, and you don’t know when – or even if – you’ll be back?”

 

She remembered her brows pulling together with strain and confusion, this strange talk being the icing on the cake after watching Sam kill so many people, knowing that it was her fault.

 

“I know it sounds crazy, but I can’t talk about it, Lee. I’m sorry.”

 

Kara was standing by the balcony window, staring out at the stars.

 

“You know, you really are my favourite,” she said, turning and pulling Lena into a hug. “Thank you for being such a great friend.”

 

She kissed the corner of Lena’s lips, and then she was gone, like a mini-tornado, and Lena was left gaping in confusion, wondering what the hell was going on.

 

Later that night she watched Reign beat Kara to the point of death and beyond, feeling every blow as if it were landing on her own heart, and she realised that Kara’s face had been cold, had been set, because Kara knew she was going to her death. She screamed as Reign hit Kara again and again, and fell to her knees when Sam regained control, only to be hit by three missiles with a massive Kryptonite payload.

 

It had been one of the worst days of Lena’s life, rivalled only by standing in the wreckage of Metropolis and watching Lex as he set his Frankenstein-monster on Superman.

 

She shivered, chopping up onions and carrots and turnip, potatoes and meat, putting them all into Kara’s slow-cooker, adding stock and herbs and garlic – her own addition, since garlic wasn’t exactly a staple of the Irish diet – and settled down with a book to try and take her mind off things for a while. It didn’t work, and she discarded it a bit later, taking out her journal and writing out some thoughts, trying to get her brain to make sense.

 

_“You want to talk about it?” Alex had asked, her eyes narrowed in that odd but sympathetic way of hers. It was a few days after Sam had talked to her about Kara, and Lena was still mulling things over._

_“Not really, but I sense I don’t have the option of staying silent anymore,” Lena said wryly, staring out of the DEO’s balcony without really looking at anything._

_“Well, it’s probably about time,” Alex said, shrugging._

_“Yeah,” Lena agreed. “So do you want to take me to the interrogation room? Beat me up in one of the kryptonite rooms?”_

_“No, especially since the kryptonite rooms would have no effect on you. If I had a Luthor torture chamber, I’d drag you in there,” Alex said, her face perfectly straight._

_Lena raised an eyebrow._

_“You really are good at that,” she said, as Alex grinned._

_“Years of practice. So, you wanna go get a coffee while we wait for Sam to come back with the bad guys?”_

_“Why aren’t you out there?” Lena asked, quizzically._

_“Vasquez won the toss this morning,” Alex said, shrugging. “Plus I pulled my knee on that last op, with that Lengomidion swamp-horse.”_

_“You guys toss a coin to work ops with Sam?” Lena asked, smiling as Alex took her arm and drew her to the elevators._

_“Sometimes. I wanted to go today because the aliens she’s fighting are the ones I did my dissertation on. And Vasquez just wanted to punch something. So we tossed a coin, and I lost. I don’t mind, actually. I do need the rest, and I can always study those guys when they’re in lockup.”_

_Lena nodded. A minute later they were in the commissary, and the officer on duty smiled and nodded as Alex asked for their usual coffee order. Alex led Lena to a table in the corner, as far from any other people as she could manage._

_“So. Sam talked to you, huh?”_

_“She did,” Lena said, taking a deep breath._

_“And how was that?” Alex asked, a smile tickling at the edge of her lips._

_“She scared the shit out of me, is how that was,” Lena said, eyes wide. “I had no idea she could be that scary.”_

_“Yeah,” Alex said, laugh-snorting as she took her iced coffee from the duty officer with a smile. “She’s something. I can see why you love her.”_

_Lena half-smiled at that._

_“So, she told me I should talk to you, and honestly I don’t know why. She more or less came out and said that I was hiding something from her. I’m not really sure what it was that she meant, but… anyway. I know I screwed up with Kara. I was… I was so confused, and so hurt. She was the person I cared about more than anyone, and I really let her in, and… It’s not like I didn’t know she was Supergirl, she wasn’t subtle. But she still… she still lied to me, Alex, and I was pissed at her at exactly the same time as I was praying for her to be okay. And then the thing with my mother – she put it into my head that Kara really_ **was** _waiting for me to turn, and I just… the idea killed me, Alex,” Lena said, wiping away sudden, hot tears._

_“You know she’d never do that,” Alex said, taking one of her hands and squeezing it gently._

_“I know,” Lena said, shaking her head at herself and at her mother. “I do, deep down. But some part of me was so scared…”_

_“That it was all a lie?” Alex interjected. “That she didn’t really care about you?”_

_Tears started flooding down Lena’s face. Alex gathered Lena into her arms, and hugged her the way Kara used to, a full-body hug that seemed to make her cry harder. She managed to fight the tears back a few minutes later, taking a couple of sips from her cup and letting the hot liquid dissolve the lump in her throat._

_“Feel better?” Alex asked, handing her a tissue._

_Lena nodded, wiping her face. Alex took the tissue from her after a moment, wiping away the remnants of mascara and eyeliner that hadn’t survived her crying jag._

_“Waterproof my ass,” Lena muttered, rolling her eyes._

_“So,” Alex said, once Lena was cleaned up and feeling a little more human. “You do know that Kara isn’t capable of that level of deceit, don’t you? Do you have any idea how many arguments she had with every single one of us – James, Winn, me, J’onn, Maggie – about how you were a good person, you were trying to do good, and you didn’t have anything to do with Cadmus? You do know that she couldn’t have been your friend the way she was while she was watching you, right?”_

_Lena nodded, reluctantly._

_“I do.”_

_“So why aren’t you in DC right now, trying to make this right?” Alex asked, in a gentle tone. There was no judgement in it._

_“I don’t know what to say, for starters,” Lena said. “I was such a complete ass to her. But I was so scared that it would turn out not to be real, our… friendship, and I couldn’t bear to look at her. After Sam told me she’d used that stealth cloak to hide from me… I was devastated that I’d done that to her, that she couldn’t even face me because I’d hurt her so much.”_

_“She said you hugged her, when she left,” Alex said, conversationally. “Why?”_

_“The question now is why did you make her come to see me?” Lena asked, baffled. “She certainly didn’t want to.”_

_“I needed to be sure that she really wanted to go. That she wasn’t being driven away because you hurt her. Honestly I expected you to cave and apologise, but you didn’t.”_

_“No, I didn’t,” Lena said, biting her lip._

_“So why hug her? If you were being all ‘head bitch in charge’ and acting indifferent, why would you do that?”_

_“Because I love her, Alex!” Lena snapped. “The idea of her moving away broke my fucking heart, okay? I didn’t want her to go, and I couldn’t stop myself from at least hugging her one last time. Happy?”_

_Alex did appear to be exactly that. Her smile was blinding._

_“Yeah, actually. Was that so hard to say?”_

_“What, that I love her? Of course it was. I was so scared that she was really spying on me for her cousin, Alex, and… fuck, then she told me she was leaving, and… of course I love her. She’s my best friend, and she stood by me through everything.”_

_Alex smiled smugly, and when Lena asked her why, she didn’t answer._

_“So how are you gonna make this right, Luthor? You’re supposed to be the one with the dastardly planning skills. How are you gonna fix this?”_

Of course, regardless of Lena’s dastardly planning skills, things hadn’t gone the way she thought. Instead of being glad to see her, Kara had told her to leave before collapsing at Lena’s feet, and scaring her to death. And even now, even after Lena had held her through several of these dissociative crises, Kara still didn’t want her in DC. Sure, she’d said that she did want Lena to stay, with her mouth, but her eyes said something else. Her eyes said that she was waiting for the next betrayal, waiting to be left behind again. And part of Lena – hell, most of Lena – didn’t blame her. She wasn’t sure if she could do this, could stay here, could watch Kara fall to pieces like this. It was horrifying to watch the woman she cared for so deeply turn into a frightened child, turn into someone who screamed in her sleep and flinched every time Sam’s name was mentioned.

 

As if summoned by Lena thinking about her, Sam called her cell right then.

 

“Hey baby,” she said, sounding happy and energetic. “How are you? How’s Kara?”

 

“Hey you,” Lena said, smiling. “You sound happy.”

 

“Ruby’s just been fooling around, showing me her dance moves from her recital. She’s such a goof.”

 

“She is. And so are you,” Lena said, indulgently.

 

“Yeah, I know. What can I say; the kid brings it out in me. So how are things going, really?”

 

“Not great. She hates me,” Lena said, sighing. “I don’t even blame her. I know she doesn’t want me here, and I’m starting to think it was a bad idea to come here.”

 

“Lena baby, you’re wrong. You’re the right person for the job, and like you said, you can’t blame her for being pissed. Just keep trying. Something tells me you’re the only person who can help bring her out of this.”

 

“I don’t know, Sammy. She… she keeps having these dissociative states, and I’m so scared I’m making them worse.”

 

“You know that the doctor said she needs someone, honey. That someone is you. Trust me. I can feel it. Some sort of Kryptonian telepathy, probably,” Sam said airily.

  
“Sure, sweetie. You’re a superhero for half a year and suddenly you have telepathy?”

 

“You don’t know. I could have telepathy. Puny human.”

 

“Hmm,” Lena said, doubtfully. “If you were telepathic, you’d know how to load the dishwasher so that the top rack gets clean too.”

 

“How does anyone do that?!” Sam said, exasperated. “You’re some sort of dishwasher wizard, Lena Lutessa Luthor. I bet that’s your evil Luthor superpower.”

 

“And what a superpower. I can’t kill Kryptonians, but I can make sure the water circulates throughout the dishwasher to get an even clean! Mu ha ha!”

 

Sam laugh-snorted, and Lena smiled.

 

“I miss you,” she said, and she wasn’t lying. Sam made her feel better, no matter what the problem was.

 

“I miss you too, sweetie,” Sam said, her tone sad. “But this is important. I know that you know that.”

 

Lena nodded, and then said, “Yes. I know.”

 

“Good. So keep your chin up, Lutessa, and let’s bring our Supergirl back to the land of the living.”

 

“You’re the best,” Lena said, fondly.

 

“No, you are. You’re cleaning up my mess too, you know,” Sam said, sincerely.

 

“Reign’s mess, not yours,” Lena insisted.

 

“Potayto, potahto,” Sam said. “She was a part of me. I bear some responsibility for not seeing what was happening.”

 

“Only you could blame yourself for that.”

 

“Eh. I think you would have blamed yourself plenty, too,” Sam said, and Lena could almost hear her rolling her eyes.

 

“Maybe. But still. I love you.”

 

“I love you too, honey. Stay safe. I’m proud of you.”

 

Lena hung up with a sad smile on her face. She loved Sam, so much. But it didn’t feel the way it should, she knew that. She didn’t exactly know how it was supposed to feel, but she knew that this wasn’t it. She just hoped that she didn’t hurt Sam too badly if things went south.

 

Kara woke up shortly after her conversation with Sam, so Lena went to check on the food and brought Kara a wake-up sandwich and coffee, doing her best to feed and keep her Kryptonian for now. Until the next episode, at least. Lena just hoped that the end was in sight for Kara, because watching her suffer was one of the hardest things she’d ever done.


	9. Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara and Lena talk a little more, and Kara gets some visitors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Me again. Just wanted to say thank you for the response to my last note. I know this fic is a little heavy, and I know that it's gonna be hard to get over what Lena's done. Feel free to comment to your heart's content, criticism or otherwise, as always - just try to keep it civil. Thanks for reading. :)

* * *

After Cat’s intervention, Kara stopped resisting Lena’s presence. Instead, she revelled in it, knowing that it wouldn’t be long at all before Lena was gone from her life, probably forever. They watched movies and binge-watched shows on Netflix and Hulu, and talked about Kara’s coma, the Phantom Zone, and about Reign.

 

“She’s so strong,” Lena commented, one day when they were sharing a pint of ice cream. “To fight her way back from all of that programming, to go back to who she was? She amazes me.”

 

“She really is something,” Kara agreed. She meant it, too. She knew a little from her father and her mother about how the Worldkillers were made, and Sam being able to reject that programming and stay as herself – it was astonishing. More than astonishing. It should have been impossible.

 

“I see a lot of you, in her,” Lena said. “Your bravery, your kindness, the way you care about everyone so deeply – she has all of that. I find it a little crazy that she didn’t turn into Reign before.”

 

“Probably because of Ruby,” Kara said. “I don’t think that her creators had any intention of her having a kid. Is… is Ruby her biological child?”

 

“Yeah, why?” Lena asked.

 

“If she’s Sam’s biological daughter, then she’s at least 50% Kryptonian. That means she’s probably going to develop powers, at least to some degree.”

 

“Oh. Wow. I hadn’t thought of that,” Lena said, eyes wide.

 

“When you get home, get Alex to check her over. And there’s no-one else I would trust to help a teenager get used to their powers. Alex helped me to control mine, and I got mine all at once. She’s Ruby’s best bet.”

 

“I’ll pass that on to Sam,” Lena said. She smiled, suddenly. “Even when you have every reason to be angry with someone, you’re still trying to help. Do you have a bad bone in that body, Kara Zor-El?”

 

“I have plenty of bad bones, or whatever. You wouldn’t be saying that if you’d seen me under the influence of red Kryptonite,” Kara said, face serious. “I have a lot of rage inside me, Lena. My parents sent me 27 light years away, and in a lot of ways I would rather have stayed with them, because at least then we would have gone into Rao’s light together.”

 

Lena winced at that, but carried on talking quietly.

 

“I used to wonder why my mother had left me. I didn’t really process that she was dead, I don’t think. But Lillian made sure I knew when I was old enough. She told me that my mother was trash, and she ended up dying alone like the trash she was.”

 

Kara exhaled loudly, shaking her head.

 

“She is a real peach, that woman, isn’t she?”

 

“To be entirely fair to her, my mother did have an affair with her husband,” Lena said, shrugging.

 

“And if she was talking to your mother like that, it would be one thing. But you were a child. You had no influence over where or how you were born. She took it out on you and none of it was your fault.”

 

“Well, that’s the least of what she’s done, let’s face it,” Lena said, sadly. “She’s still out there, somewhere, waiting to pop up at the most inconvenient time. I did wonder, at first, if she had anything to do with turning Sam into Reign. But it turned out that was your people, not mine. For a change.”

 

“Thanks for the reminder,” Kara said, sourly. It still didn’t sit right with her that Sam was related to her, by DNA, at least. Astra’s genes shouldn’t have been used like that. It was just… wrong.

 

“I’m sure your Aunt would have been proud of Sam for overcoming what they did to her,” Lena said, quietly.

 

“Probably,” Kara agreed. “She valued strength. She was a true warrior, not like me. She would never have failed against Reign.”

 

There was a silence, then.

 

“Do you honestly think that, Kara? That you failed? Because you did the opposite. You could have killed her, and you held back. Sam told me that herself. She said you gave her time to fight Reign for control.”

 

“Well, she’s wrong,” Kara yelled, making Lena jump. “She could have killed me a dozen times, Lena. The first time we fought she put me in a coma that lasted for days. The last thing I wanted to do was face her again, but I had to, because there wasn’t anyone else who could. And if Reign ever takes over again, I am under no illusions that I would be able to fight her off, Lena. If she ever comes back, she will kill me. So don’t give me that crap about giving her time to fight back. All I did was fight to stay alive, and I could barely do that.”

 

Kara stalked off, hiding in a small corner of her bedroom, her knees to her chest. She tried to breathe deeply and evenly, as the doctor had taught her, but this time it didn’t work. Her vision started to darken at the edges. She tried to concentrate harder on her breathing, but she was too scared. And then she gave in. What was the point of fighting so hard to stay in a world that didn’t need her? She let herself fall backwards into the dark, only to be yanked back out of it by Lena, who slapped her face, hard.

 

“Wake up, Kara,” she begged, grasping at Kara’s hair and pulling her head to her chest. “Please. I’m sorry. I thought it would make you feel better, to hear that Sam thinks you’re the best person on Earth. I didn’t realise you had so much fear. Please, don’t let go, darling.”

 

Kara came around gradually. This time she was facedown in Lena’s considerable cleavage, something that normally would embarrass her. But she was long past feeling the effects of embarrassment these days.

 

“You’re awake,” Lena said, breathing a sigh of relief. “Thank god.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Kara said, her words slightly muffled by Lena’s bosom.

 

“Stop saying sorry, would you?” Lena said, sounding a little annoyed. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for. Just tell me when you’re freaking out in future, and stop running away. One of these days you really will be too deep to bring back.”

 

Kara nodded, her eyes closed. She had given up. She had no idea why Lena knew that, but she clearly did.

 

She breathed out a sigh, and Lena shivered against her. Kara fought her own thoughts, which threatened to be inappropriate, given the circumstances. But it was Lena, and like it or not, she had strong feelings for the woman.

 

“You can’t leave me, Kara. Not after all this,” Lena said, kissing the top of her head gently. “So you have to start fighting, now, okay?”

 

Kara nodded, and then she was asleep, Lena’s arms wrapped tightly around her. She felt safe, an unusual feeling for her since Reign came out to the world.

 

The doctor came by the next day, and she drained some more of Kara’s bad energy, leaving Kara too exhausted to do anything much. Lena cooked for her and kept her warm, wrapped up in blankets and always with a hot drink nearby. They got through a series of a silly comedy show, and as time went on, they drifted closer and closer together until they were usually wrapped up together under one blanket. Sometimes Lena wrapped her arms around Kara, and when she did that, Kara felt safer than she had in months.

 

One day, Kara asked how she and Sam ended up together.

 

“Are you sure you want to talk about that?” Lena asked, doubtfully.

 

“She’s a big part of your life, Lee. You don’t have to talk about it, but I’d love to know how you went from friends to engaged. I missed all of that.”

 

Lena told her about how she’d spent the first few weeks after Sam was released from the DEO at Sam’s place, helping to take care of Ruby and getting Sam back to normal life. “After that, it became normal for us to just see each other a couple of times a week, with or without Ruby, and one night, Sam thanked me for helping her out, and… she asked if she could kiss me.”

 

“Wow,” Kara said, smiling. “That’s like a romantic comedy or something. It’s very sweet.”

 

“I thought so,” Lena said, blushing slightly. “I wish you’d been around, Kara. It was weird to start any thing with anyone without you being there. You’ve been my rock for such a long time, and I missed your advice.”

 

Kara bit back a retort, since at that point, Lena had already rejected her in her absence, so she wouldn’t have been asking for Kara’s advice, would she? But she was trying to play nice, and in all honesty, she wasn’t even that pissed at Lena anymore. She understood why Lena had behaved that way, at least, even if she thought it was still shitty behaviour.

 

“I’m really pleased that you’ve found someone to love you, the way you deserve,” Kara said, honestly.

 

“Thank you,” Lena said, blushing much more brightly this time. “You’re way too kind to me. You always have been.”

 

“I maintain that I’ve been just the correct amount of kind,” Kara said. “You just never met anyone who treated you the way you should be treated, before.”

 

“I’d like to say that you’re right, but in all honesty, I’m still not used to people treating me like I’m a human being,” Lena said, twirling her hair around her fingers idly.

 

“Well, with any luck this is the end of people treating you like an evil Luthor,” Kara said. “You deserve so much more than to be judged by their actions.”

 

Lena’s smile in reaction was blinding.

 

***

 

The following day Kara and Lena had an unexpected visit from Alex and Maggie.

 

Kara was lying on the couch, half-watching an old episode of Will and Grace. Lena was putting something together for lunch, so she answered the unexpected knock at the door.

 

“Alex. Maggie. Hi!” Lena said, smiling and then giving both women a hug. “It’s so good to see you.”

 

Kara sat up, slowly. “Hey! What are you doing here?”

 

Alex stalked over to Kara, her jaw set.

 

“I had a call from one of my buddies at the Washington DEO the other day, saying that you’d been grounded – doctor’s orders. I spoke to J’onn, and he didn’t know a thing about it. So I called your office and Cassidy told me you were on leave. So then I called Cat, and she said you weren’t at your best, but wouldn’t elaborate. So I got suspicious and I asked if J’onn minded me taking a trip down here. So what the fuck is going on, Kara, and why didn’t you tell me?”

 

Alex sat next to Kara and grabbed her tightly in a hug.

 

“I love you, you idiot. What’s going on, and why is Lena here?” Alex asked, in a whisper.

 

“You’ll have to ask her that,” Kara replied, in a whisper.

 

She pulled back, and sighed.

 

“I had an episode at work. I sort of… dissociated, I guess. That’s what the doctor is calling it,” Kara said, holding her hands out in appeal. “I didn’t want to worry you.”

 

“What the fuck, Kara? You know I’ve always been your doctor. Why wouldn’t you tell me?!”

 

“She told you that, Alex. She didn’t want to worry you,” Maggie said, sitting next to Alex and stroking her arm gently.

 

Alex relaxed immediately.

 

“What happened, exactly? Tell me,” she demanded.

 

“Lena can probably tell you better than I can,” Kara said. “She was conscious; I wasn’t.”

 

Alex turned her eyes on Lena, who swallowed, hard, at her expression.

 

“I’ll explain as soon as I’ve finished making us lunch,” Lena said, turning back to the kitchen and chopping something-or-another.

 

“You better,” Alex muttered.

 

“Alex,” Maggie said, in a quiet warning tone. “Chill, honey. We talked about this.”

 

“I know,” Alex said, subsiding.

 

“So, tell me. How are things? I haven’t talked to you since our last Shonda night,” Kara said.

 

“I’m good. We’re good. We’ve actually had a bit of luck, recently. The DEO in National City found some of the Daxamite birthing pods, intact. They were in a ship that landed just outside the harbour and sank.  If the President signs off on it, we could potentially use them to have a baby.”

 

“Oh my god, guys! That’s amazing!” Kara squealed, grabbing them both in a tight hug. “I’m so happy for you. If you want me to put in a good word with the President, I’ll… well, I’ll ask Cat to do it, but either way she’ll hear it.”

 

“It’s okay, Kar,” Maggie said, smiling. “We’re good. If it happens, it happens.”

 

Her smile was so serene that Kara was bowled over by it, and she sighed happily.

 

“I’m gonna be an aunt!” she said, grinning.

 

Lena came over with several plates balancing on her arms. She put them on the coffee table – some gross vegan salad for Maggie, a Caesar salad for her and for Alex, and 2 cheeseburgers, fries, and a side of salad for Kara.

 

Kara started to chew happily, smiling at Lena, and then Alex turned her ‘scary Agent’ face on Lena. 

 

“So, what exactly happened that day, please?” she asked, trying to stay polite.

 

Lena swallowed again.

 

“I came down to see Kara. You know that Sam and I had some… talks, about how I behaved with Kara. She talked to you guys, too, right?”

 

Maggie and Alex nodded.

 

“So I came down to speak to Kara. And she got upset; overwrought, really. Then she just… passed out. Right on the floor, in front of me. I called for help and Cassidy went for Cat. I tried to wake Kara, tried to get her to concentrate on my heartbeat, because she was hyperventilating, and she said she couldn’t see. I put her hand on my heart, and Cat came in, and we both held her until she woke. We moved her to the couch, with her head in Cat’s lap, and then Cat and I swapped when Kara didn’t wake. She was half-conscious, but she wasn’t present.”

 

“What was happening to you, Kara?” Maggie asked gently.

 

“I… I was lost, like when I was in the coma. Like the Phantom Zone. Just reliving everything that had ever gone wrong, my planet exploding, Jeremiah, Astra, Reign, Mon-El.”

 

Alex winced at Astra’s name, and Kara took her hand, squeezing.

 

“I don’t blame you, you know that.”

 

Alex nodded guiltily.

 

“And what happened when you woke up?”

 

“The first time I woke, I could feel a heartbeat against my palm. And Cat was stroking my hair. They were talking, Lena and Cat, and I think I was speaking in _Kryptahnuio.”_

 

“You were,” Lena confirmed. “Or at least I think you were; I’ve never heard it before.”

 

Kara nodded.

 

“I fell asleep, this time – not back in that… place. I slept, and when I woke up, my head was in Lena’s lap. We talked for a minute and then I flew home.”

 

“You’re missing a few steps there, darling,” Lena said wryly. “Kara told me to go back to National City and to leave her alone, and she ran away. Didn’t even wait for me to leave her office.”

 

Kara said nothing, her cheeks heating up.

 

“And has it happened since then?” Alex asked, her eyes narrowed.

 

“A few times, yes,” Kara said.

 

“It’s pretty much any time she gets upset. And it’s usually my fault,” Lena said, sadly.

 

“It’s not your fault,” Kara said. “It’s no-one’s fault. It’s just how things ended up.”

 

“Thank you for saying that, Kara, but I think we both know that my abandoning you is a big trigger for whatever is going on in your mind,” Lena said, biting her lip guiltily.

 

“Who is this doctor?” Alex asked.

 

“She’s called Calabria. She’s from Timosle, a planet of mind-healers. She’s been a lot of help so far. She also works with the President,” Kara said.

 

“I need her number,” Alex said.

 

“I don’t have it,” Kara said, spreading her hands and shrugging.

 

“I do,” Lena said, unexpectedly. “Cat gave it to me in case you had an episode that you couldn’t be brought out of.”

 

“Oh,” Kara said, frowning. “Okay.”

 

Alex took down the doctor’s number and started on her salad. After they’d eaten, she and Maggie made their excuses and took off, saying they’d be back later.

 

“Well. That was interesting,” Lena said, once the apartment was quiet.

 

“Yeah,” Kara said. “I thought Alex was going to murder me.”

 

“I thought she was going to murder _me_ ,” Lena said. “There’s a lot that I’m responsible for.”

 

“Would you stop?” Kara said. “You did a shitty thing, and yeah, you hurt me. But I lied to you for a long time, and the things the DEO did to Sam were unconscionable. I don’t even blame you for giving up on me.”

 

Lena looked at her, eyes narrowed.

 

“If that’s true, then you’re a fool. I hurt you, a lot, Kara, and I won’t have you lessening the impact of it. You can forgive me if that’s something you want to do, but don’t deny how much it damaged you. Dr Calabria told me that my abandonment of you is one of the main reasons for your dissociative states, which are essentially caused by your brain trying to pull you back into that coma. So no matter what you say, I know what I’ve done, and I am going to do everything and anything I can to make it up to you. Okay?”

 

Kara swallowed. She couldn’t say anything, so she simply nodded, dropping her eyes. Lena pulled her in for a hug, and kissed the top of her head. Kara tried not to shiver.


	10. Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara falls into the dark, and Lena finds a way to bring her back. 
> 
> Warning - this is where the cheating begins, and the non-con warning applies for this chapter too.

* * *

Alex and Maggie returned a little later, just in time for dinner, which made Lena chuckle and increase their order to the local Mexican restaurant.

 

“So, Dr Calabria knows her stuff,” Alex said, blushing slightly. Kara wanted to ask what the blush was about, but judging from Maggie, who was stifling a laugh, and Alex’s tight jaw, she didn’t think that questions would be welcome on that topic. She imagined that Alex had been given a dressing-down by the doctor, who was clearly more than competent. “She said that there’s some damage to your mind - from the fight with Reign, and it still hasn’t healed. Until it does, it’s possible that any reminder of that trauma – or any other emotional trauma that you might be holding onto – could lead to you reverting to a comatose state. So we need to manage your exposure to things that might traumatise you in the meantime. That includes any talk of things that happened just before the coma, and any people who might have dropped out of your life, for example. Unless you’re with Dr Calabria, because she can pull you back out of it. Oh, and Lena – please don’t slap her again if she’s going under. Any negative stimuli could damage her even more.”

 

“Oh. God, I’m so sorry. I was just so scared, and I couldn’t think of a way to pull you out. You were giving up, Kara, I could feel it,” Lena said, clearly distraught.

 

Kara looked away, staring at the floor.

 

“Is that true, Kar?” Alex asked, quietly. She was suddenly sitting next to Kara, a hand on her biceps. “Did you give up?”

 

Kara said nothing, still staring at a nondescript patch of floor. Alex pulled her into a hug.

 

“I love you, you stupid alien. You’re not allowed to give up, okay?” Alex whispered. “Maggie made me realise that you needed to be away, and I respect that, but you can’t give up on me when I’m not even here to fight for you, okay?”

 

Kara nodded into her sister’s shoulder, tears suddenly coming in a rush. Alex’s arms tightened around her and she heard Maggie and Lena go out of the living area and into one of the other rooms. Kara let herself really cry, let her sobs out into her sister’s shoulders, the shoulders that had been supporting her since she landed on Earth.

 

“It’s okay, sweetie. I’ve got you,” Alex murmured, rubbing her back, nice and hard, the way she knew Kara needed her comfort, because she could barely feel soft touches sometimes, especially when she was overwhelmed.

 

Kara cried herself out, and Alex wiped her face with a baby wipe. When Kara was able to speak, she said, “Baby wipes? I thought you were still waiting to find out about the pods?”

 

“Just getting prepared,” Alex said, smiling dreamily.

 

Kara smiled wanly.

 

“I’m so happy for you and Maggie. I hope you get your wish,” she said, quietly.

 

“Thank you,” Alex said, solemnly. “But I need to know that you’re okay before I start undertaking something like having a baby, Kara. You’re the most important thing to me, you know that.”

 

“It’s not your responsibility,” Kara said, wearily. “I am a grown woman, and I love you and I appreciate your protection and everything that you’ve done for me since I landed, but it’s past time for you to let me go, Alex. I am working this out, slowly. I… I had a bad thing happen to me. I nearly died. The trauma is going to linger, but I promise you I am doing my best to deal with it.”

 

Alex looked at her, eyes slightly narrowed in that way that always made Kara feel like she was looking right into her soul.

 

“I know you don’t need me,” she said, eventually. “I know you’ll come through this. I think that… this is more to do with me, than with you. Nearly losing you, that whole year – it was agony. I don’t think that I can live through losing you, Kara. Maggie is the love of my life, but you are like… the other half of me, in some ways. A soulmate, in the familial sense. You know, I get why you moved here,” Alex said, thoughtfully, standing and looking out at the DC skyline. “Coming back to everything being the way it is, now, with Sam taking over your duties and Lena moving on, and even me and Maggie getting married – that had to be painful and confusing. I get that you’re trying to find your place again, after only just establishing it. But one of the things I miss most about you is… working with you. Because we know each other and it’s not on a level that needs speech. When we were in the field together, we could just… look at each other and we both knew what we were going to do, right away. It was almost like telepathy. I don’t have that with other agents, except maybe J’onn, and he stays out of the field, mostly, now. And Maggie – we’re pretty good with communication, but sometimes there’s a barrier there, when we’re arguing or there’s something I’m feeling insecure about. With you and me, there never was. There never needed to be because we talked about everything. So I’m being a little selfish, here, when I tell you that I _need_ you to be okay before I move forward.”

 

Kara nodded, her eyes never leaving her sister’s.

 

“I am doing everything I can to be okay,” she promised. “And Lena’s helping.”

 

“I admit, I was surprised when you told me she was here. And even more surprised to find you co-operating,” Alex said.

 

“We had a few moments,” Kara admitted, wryly. “I told her to go home, multiple times. I was a bit of an ass.”

 

“So was she,” Alex said, shrugging. “Sam was _so_ mad.”

 

Kara waved her hand at Alex.

 

“Let’s not talk about Sam getting mad; I don’t need another episode,” Kara said, suddenly feeling a little faint.

 

Alex was holding her tightly in an instant.

 

“Is that what started it?” she asked, touching Kara’s face gently.

 

“Part of it, I think. I’ve never come so close to dying. Lena keeps saying that Sam is grateful that I went easy on her, that I gave her time to take over from… from Reign, but… I _didn’t_ , Alex. I was fighting for my life, and I almost lost,” Kara finished, in a whisper, staring at nothing.

 

“There’s nothing wrong with being afraid, Kara,” Alex said. “I’m afraid all the time.”

 

“But you throw yourself at danger anyway,” Kara pointed out. “Since I woke up, I’ve saved a plane and helped the fire department and stopped robberies, but if I ever faced someone like her again, I… I don’t know if I would be able to do it,” she said, rubbing at her eyes wearily.

 

“That’s okay, Kara. PTSD happens to the best of us. Flashbacks, dissociation, panic attacks. But you do the therapy and take the meds and usually, it works out,” Alex said quietly.

 

“There are no pills for me,” Kara said hoarsely. “That’s what Dr Calabria is for, I guess. She is helping, I guess, but it’s… it’s slow.”

 

“But you’ll get there and you’ll be stronger than ever, because you’re Supergirl, and I’m your sister, and we get back up, Kara. We run towards the gunshots, not away. That’s who we are. That’s who I learned to be, from you. Watching you go save that woman and her baby when we were kids in Midvale – that’s where I first saw the hero in you. You inspired me that day, and later when you saved me when that car ran us off the road. You’re my hero, Kara, and you will never stay beaten. Girl of Steel doesn’t refer to your skin or your bones; it means that you have the strongest heart I have ever known. It will take time, because healing always does, but you will heal. Trust your friends, your family. El Mayarah, Kara Zor-El.”

 

Alex kissed Kara’s forehead before leaning her own against it, closing her eyes. Kara did the same, taking strength from her sister’s words. Alex would always be her hero, too, and she didn’t have to tell her that for Alex to know.

 

That day was the first real step forward for Kara, when she looked back. Because a pep talk from a caring Alex Danvers was not to be sniffed at.

 

Maggie and Lena returned shortly after, when the doorbell rang and their food arrived. They sat in companionable silence, eating the excellent takeout and drinking margaritas that Lena put together in Kara’s kitchen.

 

Maggie and Alex took their leave later that evening, saying that they were going to stay for a few days. For Alex’s sake, they insisted, making Lena grin.

 

When they were gone, Kara lay back on the sofa, letting her body relax. A few minutes later, Lena joined her, putting a blanket around both of them and holding her arm up for Kara to slip underneath. With the comforting weight of Lena’s arm around her shoulders, and the warmth of the apartment, Kara slipped into sleep to the soundtrack of some excessively stupid sci-fi movie. The shouting and violence echoed in her mind as she fell into an uneasy dream.

 

_“I will Reign,” Sam said, her eyes flashing red. Her hand tightened around Kara’s throat, and Kara felt her face redden, her head throb with trapped blood, her chest screaming for air._

_She was almost beaten, and she knew it. Reign – Sam – had so much more stamina and power than Kara did. She was pure brute strength and fury, and she believed she was right. Kara was no longer sure she was even doing the right thing. If Reign killed all of the drug dealers, the murderers, the rapists, maybe… maybe that was better than Kara’s brand of justice. Maybe it was time she just… stopped fighting. Maybe… she could return to Rao’s light. She knew that her friends and family needed her. But they would carry on, and their lives were short. They would see each other in Rao’s light, in peace. She was so exhausted. Coming back from the first fight had taken almost everything she had. She wasn’t sure she could do it again._

_She saw Lena standing in the crowd, her hand on her mouth, tears in her eyes. Horrified. And that’s what made Kara fight back. She steeled herself, throwing herself forward and headbutting Sam square on the nose. She managed to break the woman’s hold on her throat, and with a punch she pulled from her what felt like her actual soul, she put Sam through a building, praying fervently that there was no-one in there at this time of night._

_Reign appeared again at the edge of the shattered building, her eyes glowing red. Then she staggered, and put both hands on her head, screaming as if she was in agony. She flew blindly to Kara’s side, falling to her knees, and when she looked up at Kara, Kara saw Sam, not Reign._

_“Please…” Sam whispered. “Please, end it.”_

_Then her eyes turned red again. Kara hit her as hard as she could, Lena’s face still in her mind. Lena was probably the only one who truly needed Kara to stay, so she hit Reign again, and again, and when Reign hit back, she saw the conflict in the woman’s eyes, the anguish in her every movement._

_“Fight back, Sam,” Kara grated out, as Reign punched her in the gut. “Fight back, please, Sam.”_

_Sam’s eyes flashed at her from Reign’s face. And then… she was pushed down, again, and Reign grabbed a nearby lamppost and used it to hit Kara so hard she flew halfway through the upper atmosphere before she was able to stop herself. She managed to control her flight, just about, but it was wavering. She was almost out of juice, and she had no time to fly around the world to gather more solar power. Reign could destroy National City in the time it took her to do that. She shook her head and flew back down, reaching the speed of sound and hitting Reign with her full fury, her heat vision as hot as it would go. The sound when she hit Reign was indescribable, making a crater wider than CatCo plaza. And still, Reign stood up._

_“You will die, Kara Zor-El,” Reign grated out. “I am justice, and I will Reign.”_

_“Sam will win,” Kara said, bravely, staggering. “I know she will. Love will reign. Love always wins.”_

_Kara believed what she was saying. And the fear in Reign’s eyes said she believed it, too._

_“Come on, Sam. I know you can do it,” she said, looking into her friend’s eyes. “I know you are in there. Ruby loves you. She needs her mom. Alex, and Maggie, and Lena – they all need you._ I _need you. Please. You can do this, Sam. I believe in your strength, and your heart.”_

_Reign hit her with the remains of a metal door. It must have been part of a bank vault, because it was thick enough not to break on Kara’s body. Kara hit back with her heat vision as she struggled to get up. It sputtered and died. She was out of juice, finally. Now it was up to Sam._

_Reign hit her again. Kara felt her collarbone crumble into dust. Her ribs shattered, and she distinctly felt  the cracked remains of one enter her lung. The bones in her arm were crushed so badly that they would be beyond repair for a human._

_Another blow, and this time it was Kara’s cheekbone, her jaw. Shattered. Something was wrong with her eye._

_“Sam. Please,” she managed to choke out, blood pouring from her mouth. “Come back,” she said, choking on the blood._

_Another blow. Her larynx was crushed. She was suffocating, and blood was bubbling in her chest. Reign’s arm pulled back, the huge piece of metal moving like it was nothing. Then she fell back, staggering as if she’d been hit by a nuclear blast. She dropped the door, staring at Kara in horror._

_Her hand went to her mouth, covered with Kara’s blood._

_“Oh, God,” she said, horrified. “Please, don’t die!”_

_Three missiles hit Sam simultaneously, and the last thing Kara saw for another year was the beautiful colours of the explosion as she slipped into the dark._

***

“Kara, please, please come back to me, please don’t let go,” a voice was saying. It sounded familiar, but it was distant, and Kara could see Rao’s light. Red and deep and welcoming.

 

“Come home, _inah,_ ” her mother’s voice murmured. “It’s time to rest, my darling.”

“Please, Kara. I can’t live without you,” the other voice said. It was upsetting. The voice was choked with tears. Kara shifted irritably. She wanted to go on, to find her mother and father, to see her grandfather and grandmother, to see Astra. She wanted to dwell in the endless halls of Rao, to live in peace and harmony with the people she loved. But that voice – it was another that she loved. She knew it, but didn’t know who it truly was.

 

“ _Inah_ ,” her mother called.

 

Kara shook off the irritation. Her mother was here, calling for her. It was time, now. Her pain, her struggles, they were over. She had earned her place in Rao’s halls. She was _so_ ready to go home.

 

Something was pulling her, though, and her mother’s voice was fading. Her body. Her body was alive, and something was…

 

She snapped into consciousness, and found that her body was aroused, because Lena Luthor was straddling her lap and kissing her. She tried to push Lena away, or at least she thought she did, because even in her half-fugue state, she knew it was wrong somehow. But she didn’t try hard enough. Lena’s tongue was in her mouth, and something inside of Kara - some measure of control that she had been exerting since Lena had arrived at her apartment in Washington – that thing snapped, and Kara almost growled as her hands slipped to Lena’s ass, pulling her forward so she was moving her hips, grinding against Kara.

 

“You’re…” Lena managed to get a few words out, in between kisses. “You’re… back…”

 

Kara didn’t answer, she simply squeezed Lena’s ass and sucked on her tongue. Before she knew it, she was pulling open Lena’s shirt, and there was… there was nothing underneath it. Kara moved her mouth to Lena’s breasts, devouring them hungrily. Lena was half-gone, her head thrown back and her eyes rolling in her head.

 

Kara took Lena’s movements as the encouragement they were. She pulled the shirt off completely, and then she moved, placing Lena on her back on the couch. She fumbled with the button and zip of Lena’s jeans, frenzied, desperate, and Lena was, too, writhing against her. Kara pulled Lena’s jeans down, then her underwear, pulling them off and flinging them behind her. She ran her fingers slowly over Lena, parting her lips gently, and Lena shuddered, her back arching off the couch.

 

“Touch me,” she said, suddenly, desperately. “Please.”

 

Kara nodded, and then she lifted Lena’s thighs, sliding her arms around them and pulling Lena forward. Her mouth was on Lena, then, and Lena shuddered, moaning out her approval as Kara put her tongue to use, tasting every inch of the woman she was so deeply in love with. She couldn’t think; didn’t want to. She had everything she wanted in her arms, and she let herself be free in that moment, knowing she would have to face the music later. She did what she’d only ever dreamed of before, feeling what it was like to be inside Lena, to taste her, making her come over and over again until she demanded to return the favour, leaving Kara drenched and replete, satisfied beyond imagination.

 

Lena was lying on top of her, their skin touching from head to toe, a blanket wrapped around both of them as they bathed in the afterglow of the most meaningful night of one of their lives, at least. And then Lena spoke.

 

“We’re going to have to talk about this,” she said, her voice husky.

 

“I know,” Kara said, quietly. “I know. But not now, please?”

 

“Okay,” Lena said. “Bed?”

 

Kara nodded, sitting up and lifting Lena into her arms, the blanket pooling around her feet.

 

“Yours or mine, or did you mean separate beds?” Kara asked, looking away from Lena, biting her lip.

 

“Yours,” Lena said, her hand moving to tilt Kara’s face towards her. “Yours. We’ll talk in the morning.”

 

On the way to the bedroom, Kara pinned Lena to the wall and made her scream Kara’s name for the fifth time that night.

 

Morning took a long time to come, because as soon as they recovered, they were touching each other again, revelling in every kiss, every touch. It wasn’t fucking, Kara could tell. The connection between them was deep; too deep for it to be just sex. It was intense and profound, and Kara found herself lost in it, unable to decide whether she enjoyed touching or being touched more. It was beautiful and it was the best night of Kara’s life so far. And it was… it was hot. Filthy, in just the right way, and Kara found that she loved listening to Lena talk to her, instructing her where to touch, the huskiness of her voice as she directed Kara to go deeper, or harder. The look in her eyes as she watched Kara come. The taste of her mouth, the sweetness of her body. It was addictive.

 

When morning finally came around, they were wrapped together, only a sheet around their bodies. Kara’s arms were both wrapped across Lena’s chest, her nose buried in her hair.

 

“We have to get up,” Lena said, her hair tickling at Kara’s nose. “Kara.”

 

“Five more minutes,” Kara whined, nuzzling in deeper.

 

Lena sighed.

 

“I want to stay here too, darling, but we have to get up. We need to talk.”

 

Kara suddenly realised where they were, what was happening, and she froze. Lena’s ass was pushed back into her crotch and her breasts were underneath Kara’s hands and they were both naked and they’d been – _Oh Rao_ – they’d been having sex all night. Lena brought her back from the brink, stopped her from going back under, from going home to Rao. She wasn’t entirely happy about that, if she were being entirely honest. She still felt a longing in her heart, a deep yearning to go home. But last night had been… incredible. It was life-changing, and if Kara had her way, she would be with Lena for the rest of her life. But she knew that wasn’t possible. She sighed, slowly pulling her body away. Reluctantly separating herself from the woman holding Kara’s heart in her well-manicured hands.

 

“Okay,” she said, sitting up and putting her head in her hands. “Let’s talk.”

 

They decided to shower – separately – and regroup in the kitchen to talk. Lena was already cooking a huge breakfast for them both.

 

“That’s a lot, even for me,” Kara said, gesturing towards the pans filled with bacon and eggs and pancakes. There were waffles in the iron and hash browns in the oven, and bread in the toaster.

 

“I… I thought you might need extra calories, after the… exertion,” Lena said, her cheeks pinking slightly.

 

“Oh,” Kara said, nodding. “Thank you.”

 

“So,” Lena said, carefully dishing the food out onto two plates. “We should talk.”

 

“Yes, of course,” Kara said, rubbing at her temple wearily. “We should.”

 

The silence that followed was thunderous.

 

“Did you want me to start?” Kara asked, frowning, after ten minutes or so had passed. “Because I’m pretty sure that what I want is not what you want.”

 

Lena looked at her, swallowing.

 

“I suppose not,” she said, looking away. She paused for a moment before speaking again. “I’m sorry, Kara. I made a commitment to Sam. And last night… I was losing you, and I knew that if I hit you, I could cause more damage. So I did the only thing I could think of,” she said. Her pulse increased, as did her blood pressure – Kara could hear it.

 

“You’re lying,” she said, flatly. “I don’t know what about, but you’re lying.”

 

Lena swallowed again.

 

“Okay, so maybe it wasn’t the only thing I could think of. I could maybe have thrown water on you, but I wasn’t sure what the shock would do. I tried yelling, I tried peeling your eyes open. I tried to move you, but you’re… god, you’re so heavy when you’re unconscious. When I realised nothing else was working, I… I tried…” She sighed heavily.  “I… I can’t say that I’ve never wanted to… you know,” she trailed off.

 

“I figured that out, after we spent the entire night…” Kara trailed off, then. “I didn’t… I didn’t want to make you into a cheater. I didn’t… you really should go back to National City, Lena.”

 

“I promised you I was staying until you didn’t need me anymore,” Lena said.

 

“Well, that was okay when things were… like they were before. But now we’ve… we both crossed the line, Lee. It was incredible, the best night of my entire life, but… it wasn’t right. Sam didn’t do anything to deserve that.”

 

She had to take a deep breath then, because the dream from the night before was closing in on her again. She focused on her breathing, running through the exercises that Dr Calabria had given her, centring herself in the here and now.

 

When she looked up again, Lena was watching her, worried.

 

“Are you okay?” she asked.

 

“Yes,” Kara said, nodding. “I’m fine.”

 

“I think… maybe it _would_ be the wisest thing for me to go back to National City, for the sake of my relationship with Sam, but I am pretty sure that leaving you now would mean you ending up in that coma, this time for good,” Lena said, reaching across the breakfast bar to take Kara’s hands. “I’m not willing to let that happen, even if it means losing Sam.”

 

Kara pulled her hands away.

 

“That’s not… I can’t let you do that. I won’t let you,” Kara said, setting her jaw.

 

“What are you going to do? Throw me out? Would you really do that to me, after everything?”

 

Kara shook her head.

 

“I don’t want to, but I could… you turned your back on me, I could…” Kara trailed off. Her heart wasn’t in it. She couldn’t bring up the things they’d already settled, not even to save Lena’s upcoming marriage. She loved Lena too much to hurt her like that.

 

Lena lifted an eyebrow, then rolled her eyes.

 

“You were really going to bring that all up, again, to drive me away? You’re really invested in my relationship with Sam.”

 

“I’m invested in your happiness,” Kara said quietly.

 

“I know,” Lena said. “I know. But my relationship with Sam, that’s my business. I know that if things weren’t… what they are, last night wouldn’t have happened. But it did, and I need to work out what to do about that, and what it means for me and Sam. And for you and I. But for now, I’d like it if we could both try to put it to one side, and just… keep on with your recovery, instead. Does that sound reasonable?”

 

“You said you need to think about what last night meant for you and I? Do I get any input there?” Kara asked softly, pushing her hair back from her face with one hand.

 

“In time, yes,” Lena said. “Not right now, please, Kara. You are still recovering, and I want you to be better before we talk about what we do moving forward, okay?”

 

Her voice was low and pleading, and Kara nodded.

 

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry that I’ve put you in this position, and I’m sorry for the pain it will cause others, but I’m not sorry for what we did. It was incredible, the most perfect night of my life, and you should know that it wasn’t just sex for me. I love you. I’m _in_ love with you, and everything we did was, for me, an expression of that. You don’t need to say anything; I just needed you to know.”

 

Lena nodded, troubled. Clearly hearing that Kara was in love with her didn’t help, and Kara took a long, slow breath as she thought through the implications of Lena’s reaction. Clearly Kara’s deeper feelings weren’t reciprocated, and it had just been sex for Lena. Kara felt like her ribs were crushed again, because her heart was thumping and she could barely breathe. She fought through it, though, standing and moving to the large window at the other end of the living space, staring out at nothing as she breathed slowly and carefully until her heart stopped hammering in her chest. It wasn’t like she hadn’t known this was going to be the outcome. Lena had already chosen Sam, after all, long before Kara’s return to the land of the living. She swallowed her feelings down and went back to the breakfast bar, finishing her food opposite a silent Lena.

 

“Did Cat say you could go back to work yet?” Lena asked, when they were both finished eating and had moved to the couch to cradle their coffee mugs between their hands.

 

“Not yet. Soon, I hope. As soon as Dr C thinks I’m not going to pass out at work again.”

 

“Good,” Lena said. “I have some work to do, today. Is there anything you want to do, or need?”

 

“Nothing,” Kara confirmed. “I’m happy to vegetate and spend time with Alex and Maggie, if they’re around.”

 

“Okay,” Lena said, averting her eyes again. She watched the television with apparent interest, and Kara repressed a sigh. She pulled a book from the shelf, a fantasy thing that Winn had recommended to her forever ago, and she tried to immerse herself in it. When Alex texted her a while later asking if she wanted to meet for lunch, she was more than grateful for the interruption. Lena had been working since breakfast, typing and making calls and putting out fires at CatCo, and the atmosphere in the apartment was… fraught. She left the apartment a short while later with more than a little relief. She didn’t want to regret what had happened; it had been a transformative moment in her life. But Lena was making that very difficult. Kara was high above the clouds and she let herself look back at her apartment, looking through the other apartments above and seeing Lena, still sitting at the small table, her head in her hands. She sighed and turned, following the Potomac to the small café where she was meeting Alex, changing into her day clothes in an alleyway. She hoped that she hadn’t destroyed Lena’s relationship with Sam or with herself, because she wasn’t sure how she would manage without Lena, now that her… best friend, was back in her life. She didn’t want to know if she could manage without Lena. She sent up a quick prayer to Rao, and steeled herself to make it through lunch with Alex without giving away what she’d been doing all night. She sighed again. It was going to be a long, long day.


	11. Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara speaks to Cat, our girls have some unexpected visitors, and Lena has to take some drastic action to bring Kara back from the brink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Firstly, a warning. This is the chapter were there is a description of the non-consensual touching. I have tried to describe it in a way that gets across Lena’s distaste and difficulty with doing what she is doing, but also to make it clear that it is, in its own way, an act of love, something done out of desperation and the desire to save Kara. If you are at all triggered by that sort of thing, I ask you to please not read. I don’t want to be responsible for hurting or upsetting anyone, so mind the tags and mind your own mental health.  
> I want to thank you for all of the comments and views and kudos on this fic. It is lovely to see people enjoying this particular brand of angst, and trusting in me to deliver a satisfying ending, which I absolutely intend to do. Whether I’m successful or not will be a matter of your own opinion, of course, as a reader. Unfortunately, though, I’m still getting comments that are less thoughtful, less pleasant, and really quite upsetting. To those people I say, and for the last time: Dr Calabria is a character who seems polarising. However, this is not a psychology manual. This is the imagined mind-healing of an alien, a woman famed for such mind-healing across the galaxies, a woman who is treating another alien. I do not believe it to be beyond the realms of belief to say that if Kryptonians existed, they might have minds that differ from our own. Their psyches might very well be completely different. In this fic, they are. If you cannot suspend your disbelief, that’s fine. Please don’t read. And please, don’t comment either. Don’t tell me my writing, my fic, is toxic. You seem to not realise that I am a human being who is writing a story, which first of all I am writing for me. It’s cathartic and good for me to write, and I enjoy it. I like to think I write fairly well. I am autistic and my ideas of how the human mind works may not measure up to yours. I also have issues with my mental health, and those of you who choose to comment with negatives about me, about what and how I choose to write, you knock me back. I am not saying that constructive criticism is unwelcome; if you have an idea of something that might help me improve my writing or improve my story, feel free to suggest it. However, if you want to tell me you think I’m shit, that this fic is shit, that I can’t possibly redeem Lena or that you have decided not to read anymore? Don’t. It takes less effort to just close the fic and step away than it does to come and say stuff that is hurtful. Maybe I’m a sensitive snowflake to you, but maybe just consider being kind instead. 
> 
> I apologise for those of you who have said nice things, and who support me and lift my spirits, who have had to read this note. You are all good souls and I thank you for that. I will, however, be closing my comments section on this, with regret, if I get anymore negativity. It’s just not worth the impact it has on my mental health. Thank you all for reading and best wishes.

* * *

When Kara was gone, and Lena was confident that she was a good distance away, she put her head in her hands. The night before had been – Jesus, it was amazing. Life-changing. Like, so incredible that it had caused her to have one of those epiphanies that people had sometimes, but without it being a horrible realisation like it was most of the time. It was also a clear answer to her questions about her recent behaviour, since Kara had fallen into her coma. Yes, she knew before last night that she loved Kara, but she hadn’t realised it was this _deep_. Because of course Kara was beautiful. Anyone with eyes could see that. She was like a blonde cheerleader, sure, but her beauty had depth because she was the personification of sunshine. Her optimism was unrelenting, her belief in others unstoppable. Her belief in Lena was a force that could not be contained, and it had carried Lena almost since they met.

 

But now, after that night, she knew. Her love for Kara was deep, once-in-a-lifetime romantic love. Incredible, heartbreakingly true love, the kind a person could only dream of, usually. Kara had blown her mind. Not that she wasn’t fumbling and trying to find her way at the beginning, and man, she liked Lena’s tits a _lot._ But after a while, she’d more than made up for her initial inexperience.

 

The night before, Lena had been unaware, at first, that Kara was having a nightmare. She was deeply asleep, and her fists were clenched. That was all. Lena continued watching television, relaxed and becoming sleepy. But after a while Kara was mumbling and then she was moving away from Lena, curled up in the corner of the couch, cowering. She was making tiny little cries in her own language, too. Something that sounded like ‘yay-you’, or similar, and ‘oook-er’. Lena would have to ask her later what those words meant. In any case, she knew she couldn’t slap Kara because brain damage and trauma and all of that. What could she do, though? She looked up ways to wake her, and the cold water thing was one, but she couldn’t be sure that she wouldn’t send Kara into some sort of shock, and she was panicking. She yelled at her, peeled back her eyelids to find that her eyes were rolled back with only the whites visible. She couldn’t think of anything else, so she just… she moved over, pulling Kara’s arms away from her abdomen, stroking her hair and her neck and whispering reassurances. The longer the episode went on, however, the slacker Kara’s face became, her body relaxing, but it wasn’t in a good way. Lena couldn’t explain what she was feeling, but it was just like when Kara was in the coma and she could sense that things were wrong. She could just feel something weird – if people had a soul, it was like Kara’s soul was departing, leaving her body behind. So Lena kissed her. Just a kiss, chaste and suitable for friends to exchange, if they were the touchy-feely kind of friends. But there was no response. She kissed Kara for a little longer, moving her lips carefully against Kara’s slack ones, trying to elicit some sort of response. She parted Kara’s lips with her tongue, moving past her teeth, and licking at her tongue. Kara’s tongue twitched, then, so Lena decided to carry on, straddling Kara’s lap, threading her fingers into Kara’s hair and alternating between pulling her hair and scratching at her scalp. It was strange to kiss someone who wasn’t responding at all, but she persevered, occasionally telling Kara that she needed her, she had to come back. And then…

 

The memory of it was enough to make Lena wet again. Kara had woken up, suddenly but completely, and her response was a fiery conflagration of touches and kisses and bites and her hands were on Lena’s ass and by the time Lena had even realised what was happening, Kara was fucking her on the couch with her tongue, and then her fingers. She carried on taking Lena over and over again, then she let her reciprocate, but on the way to the bedroom, she took Lena roughly but with care against the wall outside her bedroom.

 

_“Do you want me inside you?” Kara asked, biting at Lena’s lower lip, just hard enough to bruise. The demonstration of Kara’s control over her power made Lena moan._

_“Yes,” Lena gasped out. Kara growled her approval, shifting Lena’s weight so that her thighs were wrapped around Kara’s abdomen, Kara’s arm under her ass, supporting her. Kara managed, somehow, to get her other hand underneath Lena, and then she was inside her, and it was better than any sex she’d ever had, and she wanted to scream out, to tell Kara she loved her, she loved her so much, but she knew this could never happen again and so she bit Kara’s shoulder, coming harder than she’d ever come before, and Kara took her to bed straight after and she let her tears of mingled joy and pain seep into the pillow. She distracted Kara by pouncing on her, showing Kara how much she loved her in her actions, even if she couldn’t do it in words. It was maybe the best night of her life, the safest she’d ever felt, the most loved and valued and **needed**_. _But it was also the only night they could ever have together, and that was why she knew that she had to tell Kara they’d never do this again, because Sam was a good person, a sweet and caring partner and a tender lover, if not the kind who made your toes curl and your eyes roll, like Kara. So Lena made the best of the night, going down on Kara and relishing every twitch, every cry, every single second until they were both far too exhausted to try again. Kara wrapped her strong arms around Lena in a hold that would normally have made her squirm and feel confined, but because it was Kara, Lena knew she was safe and loved and that no-one would be able to hurt her while she was in the circle of Kara’s arms._

_When Kara fell asleep Lena cried silently into her pillow, damning that this realisation of hers, that her feelings for Kara really were true love, had come far too late. And now she had cheated on Sam, the most sweet and vulnerable woman to ever live, and she wasn’t sure she could take the guilt of it all, or the pain of knowing that she would never again get to see or feel Kara naked and writhing against her._

Lena shook her head, trying to clear it of the potent memories from the night before. She had to push away a vision of Kara wearing the black strap-on that Lena and Sam had purchased a while back, because it was far too appealing. Kara still had a long recovery period in front of her, and while Lena couldn’t turn her back on Kara, not after everything, she did fear what it meant for her and Sam. Sam didn’t deserve to be cheated on – she’d been the model of a perfect girlfriend. Lena didn’t want to hurt her, but now she was caught between two Kryptonians and she had no idea how to move forward. She made a pot of coffee, sighing to herself, and then forced her mind back on work, on getting CatCo back into shape. The rest would have to wait.

 

***

 

“Oh my god, you and Lena fucked,” Maggie said, as soon as Kara walked into the small café and deli Alex had chosen for their lunch. She hadn’t even been expecting Maggie to be here.

 

“Sssshhhh!!!!” Kara hissed, her face reddening. “I don’t need everyone in DC knowing that!”

 

“So it’s true?” Alex said, her eyes wide.

 

“I thought you knew?” Kara said, looking from Maggie to Alex. “I’m so confused right now.”

 

“I guessed, littlest Danvers. You had that look that Alex had the morning after we slept together the first time, like your whole life had changed. Like you had an epiphany,” Maggie said, smiling smugly.

 

“Oh,” Kara and Alex said together.

 

There was silence for a moment.

 

“Yeah, it totally happened,” Kara said, sighing. “Please don’t tell me how much of a bad person I am; I already feel bad enough.”

 

Alex studied her carefully.

 

“Let’s get some food and then we’ll talk.”

 

There was silence as they ate, the food delicious, and then Alex settled back into her chair with both hands wrapped around a coffee mug.

 

“So how did it happen?” she asked, face expressionless.

 

Kara breathed deeply. They were really doing this, apparently.

 

“After you left, I fell asleep on the couch. I was having a nightmare,” she said, staring into her own coffee reflectively. “One of the bad ones. I relived the fight with Reign, the last one where she nearly killed me. All of it – the flashes of Sam I kept seeing, the broken bones, choking on my own blood, smothering when she crushed my larynx. And then I heard my mother and father calling me. You know that I’m pretty spiritual, and maybe you won’t believe me, but they were really there. They were calling me home. And I… I wanted to, and I was letting go.”

 

Alex made a strangled noise and Maggie took her arm, rubbing her thumb in circles on Alex’s forearm.

 

“I was giving up, and I guess Lena could sense it. She took your advice to heart, and she didn’t slap me. She tried shouting, pulling my eyelids back, other stuff, I guess. But nothing worked. So she kissed me. My body pulled me right back, I guess, and when I woke up she was in my lap and I… I lost my control,” Kara said, shame-faced.

 

Alex was nodding, looking somewhere between devastated and furious. Maggie was stroking her hands, now, looking at Alex and talking in a low, urgent voice. Kara tuned out of their conversation to give them some privacy. She listened to a television a couple of streets over, finding it with her x-ray vision, and she watched some Brooklyn Nine-Nine until Maggie touched her arm, bringing her back to the present.

 

Alex had been crying silently, it appeared, and she was looking away from Kara. Kara sighed.

 

“How mad is she?” she whispered.

 

“A little,” Maggie whispered back. “Okay, a lot. But not about the sex. About you giving up, Kar.  It’s not like she doesn’t know that you’re at the end of your rope, kid, but it still feels to her like she fucked up, like she is responsible for you feeling like this. I’ve managed to convince her to think about things before she speaks, and that’s why she’s so quiet now. Could you… would you be okay to leave, for now? I’ll call you tomorrow and hopefully she’ll be ready to speak to you without letting her anger take over.”

 

“Sure,” Kara said, breathing deeply. “I’m sorry, Mags. I didn’t want you having to deal with this.”

 

“Shut up, Kara. You’re family. This is what we do for family, right? You guys taught me that.”

 

Kara hugged her, making Maggie’s breath explode out of her.

 

“Sorry. But you’re the best, Maggie. I’m so glad Alex has you.”

 

Maggie nodded, her cheeks reddening a little. She looked away, coughing, and Kara left her to it. She moved to Alex, leaned down and kissed her on the forehead.

 

“I love you,” she murmured, and then she made her way out of the café.

 

She took to the skies for a while, helping an ambulance trapped in traffic get to the hospital, finding a box of abandoned puppies that she brought to the animal shelter with barely-concealed longing, and stopping a bar brawl over a football game. Honestly, she had never paid much attention to organised sports since arriving on earth, because she couldn’t trust herself to play without demolishing the other team. And probably her own. But team sports here on Earth were worlds away from what they were on Krypton. On her planet, teams played with honour, and the fans were respectful and dignified. Watching a football game on Earth - and then spending time in the city afterwards - was like spending time with savage beasts in rut. No, worse than that. Drunken, savage beasts in rut. Why have the games at all if they fostered such a sense of superiority in some and desperation in others, leading to nothing but pain and conflict?

 

She landed back at the apartment around five, finding Lena still concentrating on her laptop fiercely. Kara waved at her and then went to change, depositing herself on the sofa with a family-sized bag of chips and a gallon of milk.

 

“Can you really drink all of that?” Lena asked, after a while. She’d been throwing curious glances at Kara as she lifted the huge bottle of milk, drinking huge amounts from it each time.

  
“Of course,” Kara said, offhandedly. “I could eat a whole cow and drink a year’s supply of its milk each day without any difficulty.”

 

Lena winced.

 

“That’s… impressive, and gross. So, so gross.”

 

“Thanks,” Kara said, nonchalantly. She turned her attention back to the television, ignoring Lena’s occasional stares. Lena had made it clear that they couldn’t be together like that again, and Kara was fine with that. So Lena could stare if she wished. Nothing was going to happen.

 

The next day, Kara had lunch with Alex and Maggie, a quiet affair, but when Alex was leaving, she gave Kara a long hug and told her to hold on, for her. Please. Kara promised to try, and Alex and Maggie headed back to National City. Kara headed home and had a long, draining session with Dr Calabria.

 

“This is going to get worse before it gets better,” the doctor said, as she drained that intangible something, that sort of energy she called _kalesh-diszh_ , from Kara. “More of the nightmares, but I think the blackouts, the episodes in the day, they are finished. Take another few days then you may go back to the office.”

 

“Okay,” Kara said, suddenly exhausted. When the doc was gone, she ate a huge meal made for her by a clearly-worried Lena. And then she fell asleep, fell deep into a nightmare and was drifting again. But she woke up, because Lena’s tongue was in her mouth again.

 

The sex was transcendent. Again. Mind-blowing, and later Kara realised that it was changing something in her. But that was later. In the here and now, Lena fucked Kara right over the small table they ate dinner at, taking her from behind, and Kara had to muffle her screams with her own fist. And the shower sex – Rao, that was something. Seeing a drenched, naked Lena Luthor kneeling in front of her, feeling that hot mouth on her most intimate place, throwing her head back and cracking the tiles in the bathroom almost beyond repair – it was the hottest thing Kara had ever experienced. Except for their first time.

 

And the time after that. Because each nightmare led to one conclusion, which was Kara and Lena fucking each other so desperately that it was like they thought they would die, otherwise. It was frantic and harsh and sometimes so beautiful that Kara wept later, while Lena slept.

 

Each morning after, they had the same tense, serious discussion about how it could never happen again.

 

Kara went back to work, Dr Calabria keeping her word and giving her permission. Being back there was weird, but also freeing. Being able to use her brain, be useful, do something that made the world run a little better – it was something Kara desperately needed.

 

She returned to her apartment each night feeling better, and Lena always had a hearty meal ready for her. They didn’t talk about the sex, not the first night back at work or the second, but on the third night, Kara came back exhausted and deeply upset, having been called in by the DC Bureau of the DEO to rescue a group of Amarils from a Cadmus hideout under the river. Several of the innocent aliens, telepathic and sweet and caring, hurting no-one – had been dissected, their fuzzy, adorable bodies desecrated, and Kara gathered the survivors and took them to the DEO, going back for the dead ones and wrapping them up in a sort-of shroud on the instructions of the colony’s elders, taking them to the ocean as the sun set, the little Amarils sobbing behind her. She used her strong breath to send the dead far out to sea where their bodies would feed the marine animals, releasing their souls, as was the Amaril way. Then she cried the whole way home, her tears freezing on her face in the upper atmosphere. She used the stealth function of her suit for the first time in a while, not wanting any humans to see their superhero crying like a little girl.

 

She collapsed on the couch, managing to choke out what had happened, her heart breaking, and Lena cradled her, letting her cry until she was too tired to continue. Then Lena ordered a ton of takeout, and when Kara had made her way through that, she took her to bed. At first it was just platonic cuddling but then they were staring at each other in the dark apartment and then… it was like the times before, desperate and almost violent, and they fell into exhausted slumber a few hours later. When they woke up the next day they didn’t talk about it, and Kara headed back into work like it hadn’t happened.

 

Cat wasn’t stupid, however, and while she loved having Kara back at work, she was also watching carefully for any signs of a relapse. That morning, Kara couldn’t hide her feelings, it appeared, so Cat took her to lunch, getting them a private room in the back of a restaurant that served as a meeting place for lobbyists and political pundits.

 

“What’s happening with you?” Cat asked, taking in Kara’s drawn face and rabbit-caught-in-headlights expression.

 

“What do you mean?” Kara asked, trying to stall.

 

“I mean, what the hell is happening?! You are supposed to be back because you’re recovering, and you look like your whole world has ended,” Cat said, before wincing. “Sorry. Poor choice of words.”

 

“I’m really fine,” Kara lied. “I’m just a little tired.”

 

Cat’s lips pursed.

 

“Kara, do I strike you as the kind of person who likes to waste her time? Or the kind of person who you can easily mislead with your poor attempts at deceit?” Cat asked, acerbically. She called the waiter over for another martini.

 

“No,” Kara said, muttering. “You don’t.”

 

“Then do us both a favour and get to the fucking point,” Cat said, eating an olive in a savage bite that made Kara jump.

 

“I slept with Lena,” she said, closing her eyes so she didn’t have to see the disappointment on Cat’s face.

 

There was a moment of silence, and then Cat touched her hand.

 

“Tell me what happened, Kara. I know that you’re not a person who would deliberately try to seduce someone who’s in a relationship.”

 

Kara opened her eyes, looking at Cat with a grateful expression. She explained what had happened on that first night, and then the second night, and then the third. And then last night, when they didn’t have a nightmare to blame it on.

 

“Kara, you couldn’t really blame it on the nightmares in the first place,” Cat said, rolling her eyes. “You could have stopped as soon as you woke, then it would have been just a kiss, an attempt to wake you, but you both chose not to stop. That means something, Kara. I think you know that.”

 

Kara bowed her head guiltily.

 

“I told her after the first night that I was in love with her. So that’s no secret. I guess I realise that she wouldn’t still be sleeping with me if she didn’t have some feelings for me, too. I just… each time, we talk, and we agree that it can’t happen again, and I have no idea what she’s telling Sam. I mean, none at all. But I love her and I think she loves me, and I don’t know what to do about it, because Sam doesn’t deserve this. She doesn’t deserve to be cheated on. I feel awful, Cat, but first, it really seems to be the only thing that brings me back from that… from that place. And second, I don’t want to stop. I’m such a garbage person. This is… it’s against everything I believe in, Cat.”

 

Cat sighed, rubbing her thumb over Kara’s knuckles comfortingly.

 

“I’m sorry, darling. I know what it’s like to be lost in a haze of lust and, yes, of love. It’s not easy. I’ve been there, and we broke each other’s hearts, and he ended up single with minimal visitation rights to his kids, and his wife was heartbroken. I regret that most of all. Like your friend Sam, Irene didn’t deserve it. She loved her husband, and she was doing everything to keep him, and I just… I took him away. It was like I was just… I couldn’t _not_ be with him.”

 

Cat sighed again, draining her martini.

 

“You have to make it right, you know that, don’t you?” she said, after a long silence.

 

“I know,” Kara groaned. “But the truth is – I need her. Not for the sex. Because she seems to be the only one who can bring me back. And I realise that it seems to be leading us into bed each and every time, so… what do I do, Cat? If she’s not there, chances are I’m going to give up. I could ask Alex to come stay with me, but I think things could get weird, once she realises she is going to have to kiss me to get me back. And maybe have sex after. I mean, Maggie won’t mind, will she?” she said, her voice sounding high and hysterical to her own ears.

 

She banged her head on the table.

 

“Okay. You need to talk to Lena, tonight, and you need to resolve this. I have to assume that Sam is going to lose out, here, because I can’t imagine Lena leaving you to your inevitable death. But so be it. This is how it has to be, Kara. So grab on to your ovaries and pull your big-girl pants up and tell her what has to happen, okay?” Cat said, looking at Kara sympathetically.

 

“I can’t tell her what to do, Cat!” Kara said, aghast. “But I can’t keep going like this either.”

 

“When we’re done with lunch, you’re going home,” Cat said, wiping her mouth on her napkin. “And you’re going to tell Lena that she has to choose, now. If she chooses Sam, then Dr Calabria will find some way for us to bring you out of these nightmares, so there’s no need to fuck your foster sister.”

 

“Okay,” Kara said, finally. “I guess there’s no other option.”

 

“Not if you want to stay sane, there isn’t,” Cat said, tilting her head slightly. “I want you well, Kara, and happy. So just… resolve this, before it consumes you. And call me later and let me know what’s happening, and if I need to contact Dr Calabria to work things out.”

 

Kara nodded, finishing the last mouthful of her Szechuan beef and noodles. She had known she couldn’t avoid this forever. Hurting Sam was not something she had ever wanted, and she knew that Lena felt the same. If Lena made the decision to leave Kara and return to National City, then… yes, it was going to be painful. But it had to be done.

 

After lunch was done – a huge ice-cream sundae practically inhaled on Kara’s part, and two more martinis on Cat’s – Kara changed into her suit and flew back home. She changed in her bedroom and then walked into the living room, finding some unexpected visitors. Ruby and Sam.

 

“Hey, guys!” she said, startled. She hadn’t even noticed the extra heartbeats in the apartment. “How are you?”

 

Ruby ran to her, giving her a hug. The girl was a real sweetheart. She had spent a lot of time with Kara and Alex when the whole Reign thing had happened, and Sam had more or less disappeared. Seeing the kid made her heart clench, her guilt eating at her.

 

“Hey, Kara,” she said, brightly. She babbled on about something that was happening at school, and Kara tried to listen, she really did, but she couldn’t help but tune in to Lena’s heartbeat instead. It was thumping.

 

Sam stood and gave Kara a hug once Ruby was finished with her story about… well, whatever it was about.

 

“It’s so good to see you,” Sam said. “You look so much better, Kara. Though you should maybe eat a little more, you look too thin.”

 

Kara smiled, the expression feeling wrong on her face.

 

“I’m trying to fatten up,” Kara said. “And you’re still such a mom, Samantha Arias,” she joked.

 

“I know,” Sam said, grinning. “It’s in my DNA, I guess.”

 

That made Kara’s mind go off on a tangent. Astra would have been an amazing mom. While Kara wasn’t remotely happy about how Reign had come to be created, she was glad that a part of Astra still lived on in Sam.

 

“Hey, you. Are you okay?” Sam asked, moving closer and touching Kara’s face gently. Her eyes were deep brown and kind. She was beautiful and sweet and Kara felt like a monster. How could she hurt someone like Sam? It didn’t matter, her feelings for Lena, her stupid episodes and the nightmares. She had to stop this, and the best way to do that was to send Lena back home.

 

“I’m fine,” Kara said, dredging up a smile from somewhere. “Things have been a little… intense, lately.”

 

“But Lena’s been looking after you, right?” Sam said, tilting her head sympathetically.

 

“Yeah, she’s been amazing,” Kara said. “What brings you down here?”

 

Kara and Sam sat down on the couch, Sam sitting next to Lena and putting her hand on her fiancée’s knee.

 

“I came to see this one, because god, I miss her. And Ruby wanted to see you both. L-Corp is running perfectly, and Jess recommended I take a holiday. So here I am. We have a hotel room; don’t worry. We’re not staying the night, but we’ll be around for a few days. If that’s okay with you, of course. I don’t want to interrupt whatever process you’ve got going on,” Sam said.

 

Kara’s mind briefly flashed to their ‘process’ and how she’d balanced Lena on her face the night before, using only her fingertips to balance Lena’s weight, fucking her with her tongue until Lena squirted on her, the first time she had done that, at least where Kara was involved. Her heart clenched again and she dropped her head to stare at her hands. She took a deep breath.

 

“It’s fine, of course,” Kara said, smiling. “You’re always welcome here. You’re family now, Superwoman.”

 

Sam bumped her shoulder gently, smiling at her fondly.

 

“I can’t tell you how much that means to me,” she said. “Thank you for being so understanding, Kara.”

 

Kara nodded without looking up, immersed in shame. Lena broke in to their conversation then, and soon Sam and Ruby and Lena were involved in a conversation about someone who lived in their building, who had a dog that kept escaping from its owner’s apartment and somehow making its way into their apartment and onto Ruby’s bed. Apparently Ruby hadn’t even told them about it the first time, hoping to keep the little bundle of mischief. Kara quickly excused herself, saying she was exhausted, and she went to her room and stared at the ceiling.

 

A little while later Lena knocked and came in to her room, sitting on the edge of Kara’s bed.

 

“Sam would like us all to go out to dinner,” she said, quietly, her eyes on the comforter. “Would you like to come?”

 

“That sounds lovely,” Kara said, trying to sound regretful, knowing that Sam might be listening with her super-hearing. “But I really am exhausted. I need a break, I think. I’m going to take a shower and have an early night. You guys have fun, though.”

 

“Okay,” Lena said, in a small voice. She stood, staring at the floor. “Sleep well, Kara.”

 

The little family left her apartment a while later, and Kara went to shower, turning the heat up as high as it would go. It still did little to warm her up. She felt cold, right down to the centre of her being. She had to ask Lena to go. No, she had to _tell_ her. Lena had to go back to her family.


	12. Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara has a serious episode, Lena has to go much further than she is comfortable with to save her, and there's a break up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Big warning*  
> This chapter has one very uncomfortable section. If you are going to be triggered in any way by sexual contact that is not explicitly consented to, then please do not read. It made me uncomfortable to write, so it will be difficult to read. This is the last chapter where this warning applies, however.
> 
> I wanted to say thank you to you all for your lovely comments after the last chapter. I know I may have been a little sensitive to some of the comments I've had before, but they were hurtful to me, and I needed to say something because I was beginning to dread posting each chapter. Anyway, thank you all for understanding, and for the support. It means a lot. Kx

* * *

A few hours later Lena returned, rousing Kara from a hazy dream about her mother. She steeled herself, getting up, rubbing her face with one hand. She stepped into the living area, finding Lena standing by the door, her forehead against it.

 

“Hey,” Kara said, her voice cracking.

 

Lena spun round, surprised. The lights were all off, and there was only a little moonlight shining in through the large window at the far end of the living space.

 

“I thought you were asleep. I was trying not to wake you.”

 

“I was. But it wasn’t a deep sleep. So, I wanted to… we need to talk, Lee,” she said, sighing and pushing her hair back with one hand.

 

“I know,” Lena said. She went to sit at the small table.

 

Kara joined her. She rubbed one socked foot against the other, nervously, under the table.

 

“You have to go home,” she blurted.

 

Lena looked at her, a confused frown on her face.

 

“What?”

 

“You have to go home. You and Sam and Ruby are a family, and we’re… I’m not screwing that up for you, Lena. So I want you to move out. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, and I love you, you know that. But you have to go.”

 

There was silence for a long time. It felt like hours, to Kara. Lena’s expressions were changing over and over and Kara couldn’t make sense of them.

 

“No.”

 

Kara looked up.

 

“No, what?”

 

“No, I’m not going,” Lena said. She looked offended.

 

“Okay. Why?” Kara asked. “You are engaged to Sam, Lena. There’s Ruby to consider. You live together, you made a commitment. If I hadn’t… I won’t screw that up for you. If you make me, I’ll be the bad guy, I’ll throw you out. I’ll ruin our friendship forever if that’s what it takes. You need to go home to your family.”

 

“Stop, Kara,” Lena said, eyes narrowing. “I am here because you need me, and we both know that. If I go now, you might even go back into the coma. So I can’t go.”

 

“You can, and you will. Cat is standing by, and she’s going to contact Dr Calabria to work out some sort of alternative. I’m pretty sure it won’t be as… alternative, as what we’ve been doing. But I’ll work something out. Anyway, it’s none of your business, Lena, because we aren’t anything to each other. You have Sam and you have Ruby and I have my life here. Don’t make me be an asshole, Lena, because I don’t want to do that.”

 

“You know what happened tonight, Kara?” Lena asked, almost snarling. “I sat opposite Ruby, with Sam next to me, and we talked and it was perfectly fine but there was no… there was no spark, none at all. I love her. I really do. But I meant what I said. If it means keeping you alive and safe, then my relationship with Sam will have to be the thing that is sacrificed. I made that decision, and I stand by it. Kara, do you think I have been just sleeping with you and not thinking about the consequences? Because I have been working this through in my head and yes, I know I’ve told you repeatedly that we couldn’t do it again or talk about it, but there’s a reason I _didn’t_ say that again this morning. Because I made a decision, Kara, and that decision was to break off my engagement. I haven’t told Sam yet, only because we haven’t been alone. But tomorrow Ruby’s meeting a school friend and going to the movies, and that’s when I’m going to do it. Even if you were fine, I would have come to the same realisation eventually. Because you… you’re the great love of my life, Kara Zor-El, and I am tired of pretending that you’re not. I know this is going to hurt Sam, so much. I know it is. But staying with her, lying to her when my heart is clearly elsewhere – that’s going to be so much worse in the long run. So don’t tell me to go back home, or to leave you, because I’ve already made up my mind.”

 

Kara stared at her, open-mouthed. She didn’t have time to say anything, though, because there was a soft noise behind her, and when she turned, she saw Sam standing there in her Superwoman costume. She stiffened, her body tightening with fear. Was this Sam, or was it Reign?

 

“I didn’t mean to listen to you, Lena,” Sam said, quietly. “Sometimes I listen to your heartbeat, when I can’t sleep. And tonight you were talking, and I heard you say my name, and then I heard the rest,” she said, stepping forward. The room was still almost pitch black, but her eyes were more than a little red. Kara’s heart started thumping, and her breath caught in her throat.

 

From then on, it was like there were two different Sams in front of Kara, and her mind couldn’t tell the difference. Two figures moving, echoing, converging and moving apart.

 

Lena stood, making her way towards Sam. Kara tried to warn her, to call her back, but she couldn’t speak. Her voice came out as an inaudible wheeze.

 

“I’m so sorry, Sam. If you heard, then you heard me say that I was planning to tell you tomorrow.”

 

Sam’s face was in shadow.

 

“I heard.”

 

Kara started to hyperventilate. Sam’s voice thundered in her ears.

 

“I understand, Lena. I wish that things were different, but… I really do understand. Ruby is going to be heartbroken. I hope you’ll still see her sometimes.”

 

“Of course,” Lena said, taking Sam’s hands in hers. “I am so sorry, Sammy. I love you, I hope that you know that. I always have. This is just...”

 

“I get it,” Sam interrupted. “The way you feel about Kara, it’s always been different.”

 

Her eyes were glowing red, and she was looming over Lena, and Kara tried to stand, tried to get to Lena, but instead her body fell and she scrambled back, her breath rasping, her heart thumping.

 

“Shit, Kara,” Sam said, moving to her side in a flash. “Are you okay?”

 

Kara looked at her, and she saw Reign looking at her from Sam’s face. She screamed hoarsely, and Lena said something to Reign, who moved back and out of the way.

 

“Kara, baby. Darling. It’s me, I’m safe. You’re safe. Sam’s okay, she’s not her. I promise. She’s fine,” Lena said, but Kara’s eyes rolled back in her head and Reign had her by the throat, choking her slowly. She was going to kill Kara and then Lena and there was nothing Kara could do about it, she couldn’t fight someone so strong. In the apartment, in reality, Sam had moved away and was, at Lena’s direction, calling Dr Calabria, and Lena was trying to get Kara to come around. But Kara was trapped inside her dream with Reign. The blows coming down were like claps of thunder, and with each one, Kara’s bones shattered like glass. She started to choke on the blood that was quickly filling her lungs, and she felt her heart stutter. She started to surrender to the dark, praying that Rao would have mercy on Lena, that Lena would live through this. And then Kara Danvers let go.

***

 

“Sam, I’m really sorry,” Lena said, when Kara suddenly stopped moving and breathing. “You have to go. We’ll talk as soon as it’s possible, but you have to go, right now. The doctor will be here soon.”

 

“Lena, I think her heart stopped,” Sam said, frowning. “I should be taking her to the DEO.”

 

“No,” Lena said. “I’m the only one who can bring her back. Please, trust me. Go, and I’ll bring her back.”

 

Sam frowned, but nodded.

 

“Call me back if you need anything,” she said.

 

“I will,” Lena said, nodding. She waited until Sam was gone and then she moved to straddle Kara. She kissed her cool, slack lips, and she quickly pulled off her own clothes and as many of Kara’s as she could manage. Kara wasn’t responding, her tongue lifeless inside her mouth. Lena kissed her deeply, bit her lips, her earlobes, sucked her neck. She cried, telling Kara she was in love with her. And then, begging for forgiveness for the lack of consent, she moved down Kara’s body and started sucking and licking her breasts, and when that didn’t elicit any sort of response, she moved further down, licking at Kara’s clitoris, her vulva, sliding a finger inside her. Every now and then she stopped, calling for Kara, touching her face, calling her back. And then she went back to work.

 

She considered stopping and calling Sam to bring Dr Calabria directly there by air. But Kara’s body twitched, then, her hands moving a little, so Lena redoubled her efforts. Kara was becoming wet, her skin warming up, and a minute later, she was pulling Lena up and into her arms, kissing her, and Lena cried out her relief even as they both entered each other’s bodies and fucked each other, hard and desperate, fervent and frantic. They came almost simultaneously, Lena’s body responding to the sheer harshness of Kara’s movements. As soon as they had both come, Kara ate Lena out on the little table, and then turned her over and fucked her from behind until she was screaming. A few minutes after that, there was a knock at the door.

 

“One minute!” Lena called, her voice hoarse and her breathing heavy. “Be right there.”

 

Kara blurred and came back a few seconds later, and Lena asked her to open the door while she dressed, quickly. She gathered her clothes from the floor and ran back to her room, putting on sweats and coming back to the living area a minute later.

 

Dr Calabria was sitting opposite Kara, her eyes closed, Kara’s hands in hers. Lena stopped, hesitating, wondering what she should do. Should she go?

 

“You call me and say it is an emergency, and I get here twenty minutes later and Kara is fine, if sweaty and smelling of sex.”

 

“I’m sorry, Dr Calabria. This was worse than before. I think her heart stopped; she completely dissociated, and I don’t know what she was thinking in there but… Sam was here, my… my ex. The Kryptonian WorldKiller who beat Kara into her coma was her alter ego. I think it set off a fear response that was so deep that it just pulled Kara right under.”

 

“So you thought it best to fuck her back to life?” Dr Calabria asked acerbically, her eyes still closed.

 

Lena lost her temper.

 

“Well, did you have a better idea you’d like to share, doctor?! Because I can’t slap her, and anything else I did, she just ignored. She only responded when I kissed her. This time, she didn’t even respond to that. I had to…”

 

Dr Calabria held up a hand.

 

“No need for the details, Miss Luthor. You did the right thing, much as I am sorry to say it. It is the only thing keeping her body and mind together. I think you need to stay close until this is resolved.”

 

“You don’t have to,” Kara said, speaking quietly. “You can go back to Sam. I’ll be fine.”

 

“Stop, Kara,” Lena said, sighing. “That’s not an option. I’m here for the long haul. And I would like us to talk about our relationship, when you’re better.”

 

“That part is not my concern,” Dr Calabria said. “But you must stay, Miss Luthor. Kara, you can say what you want, but it is a fact. If she does not stay, you are dead. You think your mother is calling you, but it is your own mind trying to trap you. If you let it, you will drift in that coma and be trapped for as long as a Kryptonian can live under a yellow sun. Do not let yourself be pulled in. Focus on here, and now, and those who need you, and who you need in return. I will be back tomorrow, to do this again. For now, do not leave each other’s sight. If you must fuck, then fuck. It is a connection, a physical bond that stops you from drifting away, Kara. It is not an… approved treatment, but it is what works, it seems. And I am certainly not fucking you. So you do what you must, and you live to fight again, another day.”

 

Kara nodded, blushing furiously. The doctor left a few minutes later, leaving two stunned and confused women in her wake.

 

“Wow,” Lena said, sitting down suddenly, taking slow, deep breaths.

 

“Yeah,” Kara agreed, coming to sit next to her. “Are you okay?”

 

“Yes,” Lena said, after a moment. “But I’m sorry. I… I had to go down on you; you wouldn’t respond. I was on the verge of calling Sam back and getting her to pick up Dr Calabria.”

 

“You’re sorry for saving my life?” Kara said, incredulously.

 

“Kara, I… it might as well have been rape. There was no consent, implicit or explicit. I just… I couldn’t just let you die, or slip into that coma again forever.”

 

Kara pushed Lena’s hair back from her face.

 

“You have my blanket permission, Lee, to do whatever you need to do to keep me out of that place. Though I’d rather you didn’t invite an audience, if that’s okay,” Kara said, tilting her head, a small smile on her face.

 

Lena shook her head.

 

“You really are incorrigible,” she said, sighing. “I’m so sorry. You know I would never…”  


“I know,” Kara reassured her. “I know. I know that you sacrificed your personal moral code and principles to save me, and you shouldn’t have had to do that.”

 

Lena breathed out a sigh of relief.

 

“I’m still sorry. I never wanted to do that.”

 

Kara kissed her, stealing her breath away.

 

“Just in case you were going to apologise again.”

 

Lena nodded, eyes wide.

 

“Can we… I need to rest, Lee. Are you okay with that? I would really appreciate you staying with me tonight, if that’s okay. I feel like I’ve taken a beating from Doomsday.”

 

“Of course,” Lena said, nodding. “Do you think you’ll be able to tell me what happened tonight?”

 

“Maybe tomorrow,” Kara said, nodding. “But not now. It’s still too fresh.”

 

Lena nodded, and they headed to Kara’s bedroom. They started out just cuddling but after a while the atmosphere between them sparked and caught fire, and they made love under the brightness of the full moon.

 

They slept deeply, arms and legs tangled. The following morning Lena asked Kara if she would be okay for a while if Lena left.

 

“Sure, of course,” Kara said, nodding.

 

“I need to see Sam and explain. She didn’t deserve this.”

 

“It’s fine, Lee,” Kara said. “I understand.”

 

Lena looked at her carefully.

 

“Are you sure, Kara?”

 

“I’ll be fine,” Kara said. “I have a little work to do for Cat, even though I’m not allowed back at the office yet. And Dr Calabria is coming in an hour or so.”

 

“Okay,” Lena said. “You call me if you need me, okay? I mean it. Sam can get me here in seconds. So don’t wait if you feel like there’s an episode coming on.”

 

Kara nodded.

 

“I’ll be here in seconds, okay?”

 

“I’m fine,” Kara said. “I promise. If anything happens, I’ll call you immediately.”

 

Lena nodded and left, looking back at Kara a few times before she left. When she was gone, Kara sighed in relief.

 

It wasn’t that she didn’t want Lena here. Quite the opposite, really. But this thing with Sam had been a lot. Kara wasn’t sure why she had dissociated so completely the night before, but it had felt like an end. It felt like the end of everything, and she had been glad to go. If it wasn’t for the sparks burning in her body, she would have gone back into the darkness without a fight.

 

She was embarrassed that Lena had been forced into such extreme action. In some ways, she would rather that Lena had let her go. Even though her life wasn’t quite as empty as it had been, it was clear that she still either couldn’t or didn’t want to fight back.

 

She sat still for a long time, thinking of her mother, her father, her grandparents, her aunts, Lara and Astra, her uncle Jor-El. She had been so happy on Krypton, and thought she had learned things since her childhood that made her realise that it wasn’t that idyllic a place, she still wanted to go back there, to that place where she was protected and loved and where she didn’t have the weight of two worlds on her shoulders. Part of her wondered whether any of this had a point. Was she just dragging this out? She’d already ruined Lena and Sam’s relationship, and that was supremely selfish of her, especially since she was still at a point where she didn’t know if she even wanted to carry on living.

 

Dr Calabria knocked on the door a while later, and they talked a little, though Kara wasn’t entirely honest about where her head was at. She was pretty sure that the doctor saw what was going on in her head anyway.

 

“You must see Cat. Next week you return to work again. But see Cat, and you must talk. You are not telling the truth to me or to your Lena. You must tell it to someone.”

 

Kara nodded, her eyes on her hands. The doctor had drained away more of the messy energies, leaving Kara feeling sick, as usual. She decided to take a nap once Dr Calabria left, and when she woke Lena was next to her, awake.

 

“You okay?” she asked, quietly. She looked worried.

 

“I’m fine. Dr Calabria made me feel a little sick, like usual.”

 

“You sure that’s all it is?” Lena asked.

 

“Not exactly. But I’m not ready to talk about it yet, if that’s okay?”

 

Lena nodded.

 

“The doctor sent me a message and told me to make sure you see Cat. Is that okay with you?”

 

“Of course,” Kara said, nodding.

 

“Are you ready to tell me what happened last night?” Lena asked.

 

“Yes,” Kara said, sighing.

 

“You don’t have to, Kara.”

 

“It’s not that. I just… I feel bad, Lee, because you’ve just broken up with Sam because of me, and you shouldn’t have had to do what… you shouldn’t have to do this stuff, just to get me back. I’m not worth it.”

 

Lena closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath.

 

“I feel a little bit angry about what you’re saying. But I know that this is part of what’s going on with you, and that you are hurt and broken and lost, so I’m not going to allow myself to be angry. You are absolutely worth it, Kara. You are so important to so many people, darling. And one of those people is me. I love you, and it was my decision to do what I did. To try kissing you as a way to bring you back. To have sex with you, both to bring you back and because I wanted to. You have nothing to be guilty about, darling, and I want you to just think about that. You know me and you know that I know my own mind, Kara. So trust that I know what I’m doing. Trust that I didn’t make any of these decisions lightly. Don’t let that be another burden on you, please.”

 

Kara nodded, eyes closing in relief. If Lena didn’t blame her, maybe… maybe she could be okay, with what had happened with Sam, and the sex that she had never meant to have with Lena.

 

“So, are we going to talk?” Lena asked, stroking Kara’s face.

 

“Sure,” Kara said. “Could we eat something?”

 

Lena laughed. “Of course.”

 

They went out into the living area and Lena heated up some soup and made sandwiches, and they sat on the couch, wrapped up in blankets, eating and drinking quietly until Kara was ready to talk.

 

“When Sam appeared yesterday, I got scared. I thought it was… I thought she was Reign, again. And then everything that she did, everything she said, I could hear it, but in my head, it was Reign. She was threatening you, and she was going to kill you, and I tried to get to you, tried to save you. I couldn’t breathe, and I fell down and then I was there, back to when we fought. I could feel my bones shattering, and I was trying to breathe but my lungs were filled with blood, and I just… I prayed that you would be okay, Lee, and I gave up. My heart was stopping and I didn’t even want to fight. I was so scared and I didn’t want to be scared anymore.”

 

Kara realised that she was crying and she brushed away her tears angrily. She was so sick of all of it. The only good parts of all of this, her whole time since waking, were her work for Cat and the time she’d spent with Lena. That wasn’t enough, was it? Even as Supergirl she wasn’t really useful anymore. If another WorldKiller appeared she would just cower in a corner.

 

“Kara, darling. You were beaten almost to death. You have the Kryptonian version of PTSD, and your mind is playing tricks on you, trying to convince you to go back into that coma. Dr Calabria is doing her best to be like medication for you, and the people who love you are trying to help. But you can’t blame yourself for this. It’s not weakness. Do you know that I have had a panic attack every time I’ve stepped on a plane since what happened with my helicopter when we met? And that I flinch every damn time I see someone walk towards me with their hands in their pockets? Just in case they have a gun? You’re not at fault if the fear lingers, sweetheart.”

 

Kara nodded, wiping at her eyes again.

 

“Thank you.”

 

There was silence for a few minutes, and then Lena spoke.

 

“So I officially broke up with Sam, and I told Ruby. She’s heartbroken, which I truly regret, but I think that Sam knew long before I did that it wasn’t going to work. Jess is going to have my belongings picked up from the apartment we shared and put in storage. There are no hard feelings, so you don’t need to be worried about that. I will still see them both, because I love them, but our relationship is over, okay?”

 

“Okay,” Kara said, nodding. “If you change your mind, I understand. This… it should never have happened and I’m sorry that you were forced into this thing with me.”

 

Lena lifted an eyebrow.

 

“Darling, I kissed you. I chose to sleep with you. All you did was respond. I did those things because I wanted to, and yes, part of it was that I wanted to bring you back, and I couldn’t think of another way. But it was a choice, so just stop blaming yourself for it, please. If you want to blame someone, blame me.”

 

Kara shook her head at that.

 

“Okay then, don’t blame anyone. It happened and we’re here and you’re alive and that is the most important thing to me, okay?”

 

Kara nodded quietly.

 

“Okay.”

 

They fell silent for a while, and Kara relaxed, putting her head on Lena’s shoulder as they watched something stupid and inane on the television. Lena was running her fingers through her hair, and it felt amazing, and if she had her way, she would stay there forever.

 

“I really do love you, you know,” Lena said, making Kara jump in surprise.

 

“I love you too,” Kara said, puzzled.

 

“I’m in love with you, too,” Lena said, shaking her head. “I’m sorry I didn’t say it before, when you did. I should have. But… if you have a decision to make, whether to let go or not, just… maybe, think about that. I don’t want to make you feel guilty, I just want you to know that you are loved, Kara, and that you are so important to so many people. But especially to me. And Cat. And Alex.”

 

Kara looked at her, stunned.

 

“I love you too,” she said, more seriously this time, and Lena nodded.

 

“I know you do. I’m not saying I want to start anything or change our relationship, but this is not just sex to me. Even though the sex is for a particular reason, it means more to me than I can ever really express to you. Okay?”

 

Kara nodded, dazed.

 

“Good. Now, take a nap, sweetie, you’re clearly exhausted.”

 

Kara nodded, putting her head on a pillow in Lena’s lap, and she fell asleep to the feeling of Lena’s hands threading through her hair and scratching at her neck and scalp.

 

Her sleep was dreamless.

 

When she woke, Cat was there.

 

“Good morning,” she said, acid dripping from her tone.

 

“Hey,” Kara said, her voice husky.

 

“You scared the shit out of me. Again,” Cat said flatly.

 

Lena’s hand stroked through Kara’s hair soothingly.

 

“I’m sorry,” Kara said, humbly. “I didn’t mean to.”

 

“Yes, well, the road to hell is paved with good intentions,” Cat said, waving a hand dismissively. The lines around her eyes showed that her ‘annoyance’ was really poorly-veiled concern.

 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten anyone.”

 

“We know that, darling,” Lena said, soothingly. “Cat’s just worried.”

 

Kara nodded, dropping her eyes. She really was sorry, but it wasn’t like she had any control over it. Her fear had been paralysing.

 

“Are you okay if we talk for a while, Lena?” Cat asked, her eyes on Kara.

 

“Of course,” Lena said, nodding. “I have some work to do, anyway.” She coaxed Kara to sit up, and then moved to grab her laptop, heading to Kara’s office, she assumed.

 

“Dr Calabria told me you needed to talk to me,” Cat said. “I’m assuming that’s not the same as you _wanting_ to talk to me, but I think that you probably should.”

 

Kara nodded slowly.

 

Cat made a gesture that Kara interpreted as an invitation to talk. So Kara did. She told Cat everything she hadn’t told Dr Calabria or Lena, telling her about how her mother had called her, and how she hadn’t fought the pull of Krypton, not even a little bit. Not even to stay there to try to save Lena’s life, because in Kara’s head, Reign was about to kill her, too. 

 

“And you feel bad that you didn’t try to save her? That you gave up instead?” Cat asked, her eyes sharp as usual.

 

“Yes,” Kara said. “But I’m also ashamed and worried, because if I have to face anything like Reign again, I’m going to fall apart. If another WorldKiller showed up right now, I would be worse than useless. I’d probably just lie down and die. That’s not… that’s not who Supergirl is supposed to be. But it’s who I am, now, I guess.”

 

Cat shook her head, smiling.

 

“It’s not who you are, darling. It’s something that was done to you. It’s damage, and damage heals. You just need to give it time. And as for leaving Lena to deal with Reign, the rational part of you knew it was just Sam. Maybe that other, broken part of you thought it was Reign, but you knew Lena was safe. That’s why you felt okay to give up. Not that giving up is okay, Kara, but it’s also not your fault that you feel that way. You’ve been hurt, and broken, just like if you’d broken a bone or caught a disease or had a congenital defect somewhere. Just stop being so impatient with yourself, because you’re making it all harder on yourself. And as for Supergirl – the world can do without her for a while. It has enough Super-people to keep it spinning for now. So just take some time off, Kara. As Supergirl. And maybe as my assistant, at least until you’re more stable. And stop blaming yourself. No-one else is blaming you, sweetheart. Be patient, and let yourself heal.”

 

Kara nodded, blinking back tears.

 

“You always know how to make me feel better, Cat,” she said, smiling wanly.

 

“You already know everything I’m saying to you, Kara. Sometimes it just takes the right person to make you realise what you already know.”

 

Kara nodded, and Cat stood, holding her arms out. Kara went willingly into the hug, Cat grasping at the back of her shirt a little too tightly.

 

“Don’t scare me like that again. I’m only human; I might have a heart attack, you idiot Kryptonian.”

 

Kara laughed fondly.

 

“It would take a lot more than that to take the great Cat Grant down,” she said, chuckling.

 

“Damn straight,” Cat said, pulling back and grinning at Kara. “Now, go and take my advice, Kara Danvers, and you’ll be back on your feet in no time. Okay?”

 

Kara nodded, her heart feeling much lighter.

 

“Thank you,” she said, simply, and Cat inclined her head.

 

“Don’t be a stranger. I want to see you once a week, at least. Carter misses you, too. Come by for dinner next weekend. Bring Lena. I have a feeling she’s going to be a permanent fixture in your life, now.”

 

Kara dropped her head, blushing.

 

“Yeah, probably. I’d love to. Thank you. Say hi to Carter for me.”

 

Cat nodded.

 

“See you later, Supergirl.”

 

And with that, she was out the door and gone. Kara closed it behind her, and then went back to the couch, breathing out a sigh of relief. She sat there, enjoying the peace, for ten minutes or so, and then Lena reappeared.

 

“What do you say we get out of here for a little while?” Lena asked, sitting down next to Kara and stroking her thigh gently.

 

“That sounds amazing,” Kara said, smiling.

 

“Let’s go then, Supergirl.”


	13. Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara talks things out with her therapist, she and Lena go on a date, and Purity pops up from nowhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit longer, to make up for the delay in posting. :)

* * *

They went out to a restaurant that was on one of Washington’s tallest buildings, where they could sit under the stars and eat exquisite foods prepared by chefs who were masters of their craft. Kara enjoyed the food immensely, and despite the fact that the wine had no effect on her, she enjoyed the taste, too. It was incredible. Ridiculously expensive, but delicious. By the end of the night they were flirting a little, and it felt… strange. Like putting the cart before the horse, or whatever. Flirting after they had slept with each other seemed a bit odd, to say the least, but it was also a lot of fun. Lena had always been a flirt, and she’d always made Kara exceptionally nervous as a result. But now, she could just enjoy it and flirt back, because it wasn’t like she hadn’t seen Lena in every sort of state imaginable. She definitely had a desire to see Lena in one of those states again, and soon, and not because they had to.

 

“What are you looking at, Supergirl?” Lena asked, lifting an eyebrow, her eyes flashing a challenge. 

 

“Just the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” Kara said honestly.

 

Lena flushed prettily, and Kara chuckled.

 

“Why are you laughing?” Lena asked, tilting her head curiously.

 

“It’s just… you blush at that, but the things we’ve done together – they never made you remotely embarrassed.”

 

“It’s not an issue to me,” Lena said, smiling. “I don’t feel embarrassed about sex. It’s fun, and it can be much more than that, with the right person. I don’t feel that I should have to be ashamed to have a healthy appetite.”

 

Kara swallowed, licking her lips.

 

“Neither do I,” she said, her eyes holding Lena’s. Lena’s eyes darkened, her eyelids dropping just a little, enough to make her look predatory.

 

“Good. Because I don’t want to feel like I have to apologise to you in the morning,” she said, her voice low and husky.

 

Kara bit her lip, and called for the cheque. She couldn’t wait for Lena’s car service to arrive, so she changed into her suit, turning on the stealth function. The field covered Lena, too, so no-one saw Supergirl taking Lena Luthor home for a bootie call.

 

Of course it wasn’t just a bootie call; both had real, strong feelings for each other. But for now, until Kara was better, it was better to leave it as just sex, or at least that’s how they had been rationalising it. That particular night, Lena went to freshen up in the bathroom, and came out holding a dildo in bright purple and a harness, making Kara’s eyes widen in surprise.

 

“Is this too much?” she asked, taking in Kara’s expression.

 

“No,” Kara said, shaking her head. “Not at all…”

 

“So who is going to be wearing… that?” Kara said, biting her lip again.

 

“I was hoping that you would,” Lena said, looking down submissively. For some reason that made Kara’s libido roar its approval.

 

“I think I can manage that,” Kara murmured, moving to Lena’s side. “Show me how to put it on?”

 

It was a loud and enjoyable night for both of them, and Kara made sure to let Lena know that she was very, very happy to do it again.

 

“I’d be insulted if you didn’t want to,” Lena said, grinning at her.

 

When Kara slept with Lena in her arms, she didn’t feel the pull of the nightmares so much. It was strange, really, when she thought back to her first dissociative state, which was _caused_ by Lena. But now Lena’s presence was a comfort. The scent of her, the warmth of her body against Kara’s – it was a better guardian for Kara’s dreams than anything else.

 

The following day Dr Calabria came by, and she drained away yet more of Kara’s bad energies. Taking the place of drugs, by Lena’s reckoning, since Kara couldn’t take medication to manage her PTSD and other issues. Kara was honest with her, this time, and told her everything she’d told Cat the day before, and the doctor nodded in understanding.

 

“I am not here, Kara Zor-El, to make value judgements about your feelings; you understand that, yes?” she said, looking at Kara intently.

 

Kara nodded.

 

“Whatever you tell me is between us, unless you suddenly decide to become Earth’s dictator. All other issues are between us. Danger to others is the only thing that will break that promise, do you understand?”

 

Kara nodded.

 

“Now, we need to talk about why you feel you are not valued,” Dr Calabria said, with an air of finality to her tone. Kara sighed. This was the last thing she wanted to talk about, but talk she did, and Dr Calabria provided good, logical counterarguments to everything she said. Kara hadn’t given her old life any sort of a chance. She didn’t go back out there as Supergirl, or try to get her old job back. She simply ran away, and while it was entirely understandable that she had done that, she could hardly blame her friends and family for not knowing how to help her.

 

Dr Calabria’s words were running around her mind, and Kara felt a powerful need to just… hit something. She called the DEO director for Washington, asking if there were any rooms set up for superhumans to work out. The Director, a young non-binary person called Jay, confirmed that there were stacks of concrete and even wrecked cars for her to use if she needed to work out.

 

“Thank you,” Kara said, appreciative of their help. She also checked if it was all right for her to bring Lena along, and Jay confirmed it would be fine, since Lena had signed all relevant NDAs for the DEO in National City.

 

In short order, Kara had flown herself and Lena, both invisible, to the DEO headquarters. Their headquarters were under the Potomac river, in a fissure in the earth there. It was the perfect place to imprison the more aggressive alien prisoners that they caught from time to time.

 

Lena pouted when Kara told her to wait outside the room, to watch through the huge viewing window, but she jumped when a car engine hit the reinforced glass right in front of her, and made no more complaints from then on.

 

Kara beat huge stacks of concrete into dust, reduced cars to crushed cubes of metal, all without breaking a sweat. It did make her feel better, though, and she was in a good enough mood afterwards that she asked if Lena would like to join her for ice-cream. They left through a street-level door, carefully built to be almost invisible to passers-by, and got some insane combinations of ice cream, smiling at each other the whole time.

 

It was then that Kara heard an ear-splitting shriek, which was from Alex’s watch, if she was picking out the frequency right. At the same time, the owner of the ice-cream parlour turned up the television, showing a scene of devastation in National City. Superwoman was unconscious in a pool of her own blood in a crater on the street, and Kara suddenly stopped breathing.

 

“An unknown assailant has taken down Superwoman,” the newscaster was saying, looking terrified. “We have no idea where they came from, but they were definitely more than a match for National City’s hero. We can only hope that her super cousins are listening to this.”

 

The news footage showed a woman in her thirties with a shock of dark hair and white eyes, screaming out some sort of soundwave that almost deafened Kara, even through the television. She was wearing the same symbol that Reign had once worn.

 

“Take me with you,” Lena said, grabbing Kara’s arm as she stood up, suddenly. “I need to be there, in case you… you know.”

 

“You can hardly just… _fuck me_ in the middle of National City,” Kara said, whispering.

 

“If I need to, I’ll use your suit’s stealth function. But you need to take me with you. Does your suit have those ear protectors Winn was working on?” Lena asked.

 

“Yes,” Kara said. “But I’m not sure they’re going to work against… whatever she is.”

 

She swallowed, her vision darkening, but she took a deep breath and was okay again. For a while, at least.

 

“Come on, darling. I know you well enough that you’re not just going to leave this to Superman,” Lena whispered. “That means I need to be there. Come on.”

 

They abandoned their ice cream, heading into an alley where Kara spun into her suit, switched it onto stealth mode, and scooped Lena up.

 

“I’m going to have to go fast, so please try not to vomit on me,” she said, as she took off, straight up. Then they were crossing the country at incredible speeds, and Lena was hiding her face under Kara’s chin. Kara could hear her saying something, and she eventually worked out that Lena was praying.

 

“I’m sorry,” Kara said. “I need to get there.”

 

“It’s okay,” Lena said, her face ashen. “I know.”

 

They found Kara’s opponent in the middle of a fight with Kal-El, who was struggling to even land a blow, getting thrown around like a rag doll by the woman’s sheer power and that screaming thing she was doing. Kara kissed Lena, both of them still invisible.

 

“I love you. Stay clear, Lee. Don’t come get me unless she’s gone, okay?”

 

She switched off the stealth function, causing a few gawkers nearby to screech in panic. She then pulled up the hood of the suit, activating the noise-cancelling devices Winn had designed, based on the ones Barry had made when he popped over to their universe the first time. Then she went into stealth mode again, flying as quietly but as swiftly as she could. She hit their opponent hard, flinging her halfway to Metropolis. She switched off the cloak, turning to Kal, who was bleeding from the ears.

 

“Go to the DEO, get some earplugs, and then find us,” she ordered, and Kal nodded, taken aback by her sudden appearance. Kara went to check on Sam, who was still prone and bleeding. She was breathing, however, and Kara nodded at some nearby DEO agents to take Sam away. She then switched the stealth function back on her suit, flying after their unnamed opponent.

 

She found the woman in a crater about 500 miles away, thankfully nowhere near any humans or livestock. She was gingerly pulling herself out of the crater, shaking her head, her crazed white eyes somehow following Kara, who was hovering above her.

 

“You can hide your face, but you cannot hide your heart, Kara Zor-El,” she growled. “I feel your doubts and fears from here. You cannot stand against me,” she said, smugly. “Your fear is too great. I am Purity, and I will cleanse this world.”

 

Kara took a deep breath. The woman wasn’t wrong. She was terrified.

 

“So, you’re another WorldKiller, huh? What, you didn’t like the job Reign did?” she sassed, hovering above the terrifying woman.

 

“She was weak. I am strong. You will die.”

 

“You are weak. I am strong. I know words,” Kara sassed again, enjoying the look of consternation that crossed the woman’s face. “Try a few more complex sentences, sweetie.”

 

The woman roared and then threw herself at Kara. Despite her earlier claims, however, she couldn’t pinpoint Kara’s location exactly, and Kara was able to get the drop on her, hitting her with the suit’s high-powered taser followed by an uppercut that sent her shooting into the air. Kara followed closely behind, finding the woman at the edge of the atmosphere.

 

“You cannot think to prevail against me,” Purity said, grinning. “You will perish, and all those you love will perish, and this planet will be cleansed.”

 

“Sure, whatever,” Kara said. “You should get together with Skeletor. He said a lot of crap like that too.”

 

Purity’s face darkened. It appeared that she, too, had grown up on Earth, otherwise Kara insulting her with an old cartoon wouldn’t have pissed her off so much.

 

“You know, someone once made a clone of me that talked like the cookie monster. You kind of remind me of her,” Kara said conversationally, noting that Kal’s heartbeat was coming closer.

 

“You cannot anger me, Kara Zor-El. I am…”

 

“Purity, blah blah,” Kara said. “I heard you the first four times. Don’t you ever get sick of hearing your own voice?”

 

Purity flung herself in Kara’s direction, getting in a lucky punch that caught the edge of Kara’s chin, sending her flying back to earth at twice the speed of sound. She landed close to where the fight had started, in the middle of National City, and she shook her head, trying to clear it. These Worldkillers really packed a punch.

 

Superman and Purity were approaching quickly, so Kara got to her feet, a little punch-drunk. The stealth cloak on her suit was broken. She shook her head again, told some people to get back, and then jumped into the air again. Purity was choking Kal, so Kara flew at Purity, using her speed to hit the woman in the face with a precise blow. The woman was flung backwards at hundreds of miles per hour, and Kal fell to earth, onto his knees, trying to catch his breath.

 

Purity was back seconds later, and this time she was screaming out her rage, and she was heading straight for Kara. Kara simply sidestepped, allowing Purity to hit the ground with the force of a mack truck. She suppressed a laugh at the simplicity of her tactics before kicking Purity as hard as she could in the head. The WorldKiller groaned, and then roared. She was in Kara’s space, suddenly, choking her, and her other hand was punching Kara in the face, and then she was ripping the hood from Kara’s head, and she screamed, and Kara’s eardrums exploded. Her ears started to bleed profusely, and even her eyes were bleeding. The woman kept punching her, and it was like Reign all over again, but worse, because Reign was gone, and this woman was killing her, killing her right in front of Lena, and Kara’s skull crumpled under the force of those blows, and then she was gone, floating underwater in the dark, and she couldn’t hear Lena screaming her name or Kal choking the alien until the DEO could hit it with bolts of electricity and Kryptonite until Purity was unconscious. Kara was floating away and she wasn’t sure anyone or anything could bring her back this time, so she begged Lena for forgiveness, down there in the silent black, and then she was gone.

 

The void was different this time. It wasn’t like the Phantom Zone, or not exactly, at least. It was quiet, and peaceful, and no-one was calling Kara back to her body or onward to Rao’s light. She floated in there, feeling her body heal, and she was content.

 

When she woke up, there was a hand stroking through her hair. She didn’t want it to stop, so she stayed still, enjoying the sensation. There was a mixture of scents in the air, a clean, sharp one that she knew well. _Alex._ And another, one that was much more comforting and less challenging, one that made her feel safe. Kara sighed happily.

 

“Alex, I think… I think she’s awake!” a voice said. It was the voice that belonged to that second scent, the scent of the woman she loved. She could tell that much.

 

Rao, her head ached. She winced a little, and then something was pinching her arm, and it felt better.

 

“Stay still, Supergirl,” Alex’s no-nonsense voice said. “You’re safe, and Purity is locked up, until we can find a way to bring out her underlying personality.”

 

“Okay,” Kara said, remembering that she was Supergirl, too. Most people just had one name, but she had two. Wasn’t that neat?

 

“I think Alex must have given you the good stuff,” the other voice said, softly. “You sound high, darling.”

 

“You sound beautiful,” Kara said, her words slurring a little.

 

“That’s just silly. How can a person sound beautiful?” the voice said.

 

“I don’t know, but you do.”

 

The hand was back in her hair, and Kara started to go back under again.

 

“Wi’… will you stay?” she asked, her voice trembling a little.

 

“Of course,” the voice said. “Until the end of time, darling.”

 

Kara smiled, and went back to sleep.

 

Her next awakening was a little more successful. She woke in a darkened room, with a hand in hers and the sound of two people breathing nearby. She twitched, wincing when her headache made itself known again. She managed to sit up, despite the pain in her head, and she looked around carefully. Her powers were blown, but she’d expected that. Her fight with the second WorldKiller had caused her bones to break. So definitely no powers.

 

The hand in hers was Lena’s. Kara looked at her, finding her half-draped over the bed, her hair covering her face as she snored lightly.

 

The other person asleep in her room was, to her surprise, Sam. Sam had been beaten half to death too, Kara was certain of that. How was she here? And why? She had a daughter to take care of.

 

Alex entered the room at that moment, Eliza in her wake, and she smiled widely when she saw that Kara was awake.

 

“Hey,” she said, whispering. “How are you feeling?”

 

“Okay,” Kara said, equally quietly. “Apart from this awful headache.”

 

“You have got to stop frightening me like this,” Eliza said, moving to Kara’s side and hugging her as tightly as she could. It was a really nice feeling. Normally Kara didn’t feel hugs or touches this strongly. She sighed happily.

 

“Sorry, Eliza,” Kara said, letting herself rest in her foster mother’s arms for a moment. “I didn’t mean to.”

 

“I know, sweetie. You never mean to. I thought having an invulnerable alien daughter would mean that I worried less. I couldn’t have been more wrong.”

 

Kara chuckled quietly at that. Alex was busy taking her blood pressure and some of her blood and she proclaimed everything to be fine.

 

“Aside from the fact that you aren’t totally healed yet, anyway,” she said. “It shouldn’t take too long, I don’t think.”

 

“Thanks, Alex,” Kara said, and Alex pulled her into a hug then, squeezing as tightly as she could. Kara felt her bones creak.

 

“How long have I been out?” she asked, when she could breathe again.

 

“4 days,” Alex said.

 

“Has Lena been here the whole time?” she asked.

 

“Yes. And Sam woke yesterday. Those WorldKiller genes, I guess. She woke up, she went to see Ruby, and then she came here, and she has only left to grab food for Lena or to go to the bathroom.”

 

“Why?” Kara wondered, out loud.

 

“You’re important to Lena,” Sam said, quietly, lifting her head. “And you came to help, even after what I… what Reign did, to you. I owed you this much, at least.”

 

Kara nodded at her gravely.

 

Lena stirred, just then, and she lifted her head, taking a moment to pull the hair from her face and try to put it back in some semblance of order. She looked a little ridiculous, and Kara bit back a smile.

 

“Hey,” she said, wincing a little as her headache worsened. “You’ve been here this whole time?”

 

Lena looked at her, and if Kara didn’t know better, she’d say the expression on her face was adoration.

 

“Someone asked me to be here when they woke up, and I hate to break a promise,” she said, in a low, husky voice, one eyebrow up.

 

“Thank you,” Kara said, feeling almost shy. The way Lena was looking at her was just… Rao. She couldn’t understand it. But it was making her stomach do backflips.

 

She distantly noticed Eliza, Sam and Alex backing away, and Lena stood up, moving towards Kara and then wrapping her arms around her.

 

“You have to stop doing this to me,” she murmured, her warm breath making Kara shiver. “I can’t lose you.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Kara said. “I didn’t mean to.”

 

“I know,” Lena said, stroking her hair gently. When she pulled away, the room was empty except for Lena and Kara.

 

“Was it something I said? Or do I smell bad?” Kara asked, blinking in confusion. “I mean, I haven’t been able to shower, but…”

 

Lena’s lips interrupted her, and then she was kissing Kara frantically, as if she needed to prove that Kara was real. Truth be told, it got a little out of hand, and Kara was trying to take Lena’s shirt off when someone coughed loudly at the door.

 

“Sorry, cuz. I thought you were still unconscious,” Kal-El said, from the doorway. His face was bright red, matching his cape.

 

“Don’t you learn to knock on Krypton?” Lena asked, archly. She pulled her shirt down, tucking it into her pants and turning to greet Kal.

 

“It’s good to see you, Miss Luthor,” he said, smiling.

 

“Same goes for you. You did a great job out there,” Lena said.

 

“The only reason I was able to hold her for long enough was because of Kara,” Kal said, striding over and pulling Kara up and into a hug.

 

“You saved us all, Kara.”

 

“I don’t think that’s true,” Kara said, shaking her head. “You would have taken her down.”

 

“Maybe. But without those earplugs and you to keep her busy while I got them, I would have been dead, Kara. You saved all of us. That woman, that WorldKiller – she had every intention of killing us all and killing anyone she considered impure. Which would probably be just about everyone on Earth.”

 

“He’s right, Kara,” Lena said. “It’s completely true. I know you took a beating, but you were the only one who could stand against her long enough that the DEO could get in position and use the counter-measures they developed fighting Reign. Sam couldn’t stand against her, either. I know you think that you’re weaker than they are, Kara, but you stood there and you met her, blow for blow. No-one else could.”

 

Kara nodded, swallowing.

 

“I’m going to leave you guys, but I just wanted to say thank you. You inspired me, Kara; you always do. Tell Winn I want one of those suits, by the way. That stealth thing is… awesome. And the hood, with the ear protectors? And that taser! I need one of those,” Kal-El said, grinning widely.

 

Kara smiled at that, promising to pass on Kal’s request, and then she was alone with Lena again.

 

“So what happens now?” she asked, lying down on the hospital bed, Lena lying next to her.

 

“I guess we wait for Alex and your mom to give you a clean bill of health. And then I was thinking you could come stay at my old place until your powers return.”

 

“I would love that, but I think that Alex might force me to stay here, with the sunbeds.”

 

“I have yellow sun lamps at home,” Lena said. “They can change to red, too, if you ever want to switch your powers off.”

 

“Oh,” Kara said, in a small voice. “You got them for Sam.”

 

“Yes,” Lena admitted. “But you know that’s over, Kara. You must know it’s over.”

 

“I do,” Kara said. “But it still hurts.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Lena said, swallowing. “I wish I could go back and fix it all.”

 

“It’s okay,” Kara said. “I think this was how things were supposed to be.”

 

Lena turned on her side, propping herself up on her elbow. “How do you figure that?”

 

“I think that… things between us, you and I – they were great, before, but there was this huge lie between us, and it was eating me up, Lee. I hated not telling you. And I didn’t deserve to just… be let off with it. I understand why you did what you did. I mean, I obviously don’t mean that I think this Reign thing should have happened – I really would rather have avoided that. But I think that we were supposed to be here, to leave and come back to each other, one way or another,” Kara said, dreamily.

 

Lena’s smile was blinding.

 

“I love you,” she said, leaning forward and kissing Kara gently.

 

There was another cough from the direction of the door. Kara lifted her head to see past Lena, seeing Sam and Ruby waiting for them, huge smiles on their faces.

 

“Hey you two,” Ruby said, running over to them and jumping onto the bed, dive-bombing them both.

 

“Dude,” Kara said, sputtering. “Head injury, here!”

 

Lena didn’t bother to comment, just grabbing a spare pillow and walloping Ruby with it. The ensuing pillow fight left feathers floating around the medical bay in a satisfying mess. Kara and Sam ended up sitting next to each other on the bed, covered in small, white downy feathers, and Lena and Ruby ended up on the floor, leaning into one another companionably.

 

Alex stopped at the door, looking in, and walked away, saying “Nope,” over and over again. “You’re explaining this to J’onn, Kara,” she yelled over her shoulder. Kara grinned. “And mom!” Kara’s eyes widened.

 

There was a companionable silence for a while, while Ruby chattered quietly to Lena on the other side of the room. Sam bumped Kara’s shoulder with hers gently, after a while, and turned to look at her, smiling.

 

“So this is the second time you’ve saved my ass recently,” she said, smiling. “Not to mention the other time you saved me.”

 

To her surprise, Kara didn’t feel any of the darkness closing in on her at the mention of her near-fatal beating at Reign’s hands.

 

“It was nothing,” Kara said. “Psi is, like, a pussycat. We have an understanding. And Purity was just sparring with me; you got it all wrong.”

 

Sam grinned at her.

 

“Sure. Sparring; gotcha. And Psi – that whole thing with bringing up your deepest fears – that wasn’t daunting at all.”

 

“See? You get it! I barely did anything,” Kara said, chuckling.

 

“It’s really nice to see you smiling,” Sam said. “Genuinely, I mean.”

 

“You’re being so nice to me,” Kara said, puzzled. “Why?”

 

“Aside from the fact that I literally would not be here without you, at least three times over, and probably more? You saved me from Reign, from Psi, from Purity. You won’t be surprised to realise that the fear that paralysed me when Psi attacked was that I was _her_ , again. Reign. I was in my body, and someone else was driving, and she killed Ruby, first, and then Lena. And then Alex, and Winn, and J’onn, and last of all she killed you and your cousin, and that’s when you knocked Psi out so I didn’t have to see any more of my worst nightmares come to life. How did you even do that?” Sam asked, tilting her head slightly.

 

“Honestly, I’d rather not go into that,” Kara said quietly.

 

“Because you don’t want to talk about it, or because you think your answer will hurt me?” Sam asked shrewdly.

 

“A little of both,” Kara admitted.

 

“In that case, I’ll table that question for later.”

 

Kara smiled faintly.

 

“So, you asked why I was nice to you. Even though I heard what Lena said to you, and I realised that you’d been… sleeping together, for a while,” Sam said, dropping her voice to make sure that Ruby couldn’t hear. “There’s more than one reason, of course, because there always is. But one of the big reasons is that I really do love Lena. I mean that deep, once-in-a-lifetime kind of love. I’m not telling you this because I want you to feel bad. I know that I should be mad about it, but in all honesty, I think I always knew I wasn’t the one for her. When I saw you together at the DEO, right after you woke up, I realised who it was she had been pining for. Because she would never have been that angry with you if she wasn’t in love with you. And then you hiding from her with your cool stealth suit – that kind of underlined it for me. I stayed around for Lena, because she told me that’s what she wanted. But I knew that day that our time together had an expiry date.”

 

“I’m so sorry, Sam,” Kara said. “We’re not even… we’re not properly together, yet. I’m not… you were together first. If you want me to step away, I will.”

 

“No,” Sam said, chuckling. “That’s the last thing I need. Can you imagine the pain of being in a relationship with someone who you know is in love with someone else? I will always love Lena, but our time together is over. And you might not be officially together yet, because you’re still healing and all, but it’s only a matter of time. I know that it will be a lifetime sort of love, for you two. So I’m glad to see you smile like that, and I’m glad to see her looking relaxed. The whole time you were in that coma, and after, when she wasn’t speaking to you - she had this… pinched look, about her. And now it’s gone. She’s messing with Ruby, she smiles genuinely, and I have actually heard her laugh today,” Sam said, smiling fondly at Lena and Ruby, who were sassing each other about something-or-another on the other side of the room.

 

Sam laughed softly, and Kara shot her a confused look.

 

“I really want to hate you, but you’re literally perfect! You risked your life to save me even though I almost beat you to death and you have needed months of therapy to deal with the PTSD that Reign caused. You ran into danger, fighting someone who was _stronger_ than me, and you did it without even thinking. It’s so annoying!”

 

Sam laughed louder, and Kara looked at her, smiling and shaking her head.

 

“I’m beginning to think that Purity damaged that noggin o’ yours, Sammy,” she said, raising an eyebrow. “And if it helps, Lena thinks that I am disgusting when I eat, because I talk with food in my mouth and I’m always spilling stuff. So, not perfect. And, for the record, I seriously considered leaving you there for Purity to smash your head like a melon.”

 

“No you didn’t,” Sam stated, laughing.

 

“No, I didn’t,” Kara sighed. “But I was shit-scared.”

 

“And that’s why I want to hate you, but I can’t,” Sam sighed. “It’s really annoying.”

 

“Yeah, well, it’s not my fault. I was genetically engineered to be perfect,” Kara shrugged. “Not as perfect as you, of course, but at least they left out the murder/death/kill part of my psyche.”

 

“I think I’m an upgrade, personally,” Sam said, archly. “I got to wear the awesome mask and kill off the bad guys. Like Batman, but hotter.”

 

“Yeah. But you do know that Batman is like, legitimately insane?” Kara sassed.

 

“Well, nobody’s perfect,” Sam mock-sighed, and Kara smiled.

 

“I really hate that I like you, Sam,” she said, after a while.

 

“Yeah, me too, Kar,” Sam replied, nudging Kara’s shoulder gently. They looked on in contented silence as Ruby and Lena launched into a dance-off because Lena had said one K-pop artist could kick the ass of another. Kara wasn’t sure what K-pop was, but she nodded along and cheered Lena’s (admittedly terrible) dance moves. She had to be loyal to her… to Lena, right? They could work out the details of who they were to each other later.

 

They were released from the medical bay a little later, after a sullen Ruby and Lena cleaned up the room, finding each and every feather as Eliza looked on, arms crossed. Kara and Sam were excused due to their convalescent status.

 

They parted with a hug, with Lena looking on, and Kara smiled and told Sam to come see her the next time she was in DC.

 

Lena’s apartment was dusty and unloved. Kara remembered saying goodbye to her here. She must have moved in with Sam not long after that.  

 

“I missed this place,” Kara said, quietly.

 

“Me too. But I liked your place better,” Lena said. “It felt like a home.”

 

Kara nodded, agreeing. She missed her old apartment. It _had_ been a real home for her, the first place she’d felt like she belonged in her adult life. She hadn’t really bothered putting up pictures or trying to make her DC apartment homely; she just treated it like a hotel room.

 

Lena fussed until Kara stripped down to her black underwear and lay under the sun lamps in her bedroom. Kara shifted uncomfortably – she wasn’t entirely happy about being in this bed that Lena had shared with Sam.

 

“So, you and Sam talked,” Lena said, sitting on the edge of the bed, away from the worst of the glare.

 

“We did,” Kara said, shading her eyes with one hand. “She’s a really good person. It’s kind of annoying, actually.”

 

“That’s not fair, Kara,” Lena said, blinking. “She’s a good person, and…”

 

“Lee,” Kara interrupted, holding a hand up. “I’m just joking. She said the same thing about me. It was a whole thing. She said she should hate me because I basically stole you away, and I said I would back off, because… you know. It’s not okay, what’s been happening. But she just laughed and said that she was happy because you were happy. We kind of… we made peace, I guess.”

 

Lena looked relieved.

 

“Sorry, I thought you were…” Lena sighed. “I love her, Kara, and if it wasn’t for you, she and I would have been happy together. But this – us – it’s another level, and I think she knows that just like I do.”

 

Kara stared, her heart thumping.

 

“It is for me, too,” she said, quietly. “I’m really sorry for how it all turned out. I didn’t want to hurt anyone. But I’m glad that we’ve found our way to each other.”

 

Lena nodded. She removed her shoes, then her jacket, and she slid into bed next to Kara. She messed with some switches at the head of the bed and the lamp on her side of the bed swivelled, focusing on Kara.

 

“How do you feel? You were under for a while,” Lena said. “I thought you might be… there, in that coma, again, but Alex said it wasn’t the same. So did Eliza. And I felt like… I could almost feel your presence, and it seemed like you were calm.”

 

Kara blinked slowly, feeling the solar energy fill her cells.

 

“I was calm. I could feel your heartbeat. Yours and Alex’s, and for whatever reason, I… I was just calm. I may have had some nightmares, but they were short-lived, if they happened at all. I knew you were there and that I was safe.”

 

Lena looked at her seriously.

 

“I would do anything to keep you safe, you know that, don’t you?”

 

“I know,” Kara said, smiling faintly. “And likewise.”

 

Lena hummed contentedly, putting her head on Kara’s shoulder, just out of the circle of the lights. Kara wrapped her arm around Lena, pulling her close.

 

“I love you,” she breathed, even as she started to fall asleep.

 

“You too, Zor-El,” Lena said, quietly.

 

When Kara woke a little later, she found the lights still on but Lena gone. She searched around, cursing the lack of powers, and stumbled out of bed. She found Lena sitting at the bar in the kitchen, tapping away on her laptop.

 

“You’re awake,” Lena said, without turning her head. “I thought you were stirring. I ordered some food. It’s on the way.”

 

As if on cue, Kara’s stomach rumbled loudly.

 

“Perfect timing,” she said, grinning.

 

Lena turned, smiling, and Kara couldn’t help but kiss her. The kiss went on for a while, and it escalated quickly, Kara’s sports bra ending up on the other side of the room. But the doorbell rang loudly just after that, so Kara muttered darkly under her breath and went to find her bra, pulling a shirt on over it and then returning to the kitchen where Lena was unpacking a huge meal.

 

“I got Thai and pizza and a double order of potstickers,” she said, absently. “You need a lot of calories after that fight.”

 

Kara wrapped her arms around Lena’s waist from behind, setting her chin on her shoulder.

 

“Thank you for taking care of me,” she said, in a whisper.

 

“Always,” Lena said. She leaned her head back a little and Kara bent forward to kiss her neck. She bit into it a little, unable to help herself. Lena groaned.

 

“Stop. We have food. We can go back to bed after,” she said, gasping.

 

“Are you sure you want to eat now?” Kara murmured, licking at Lena’s earlobe.

 

“No, but I know you need to, darling, so please. Go sit down.”

 

Kara sighed, making sure to blow hot breath into Lena’s ear, grinning at her shivers.

 

She sat down and ate, enjoying every bite and feeling her body turn it into energy. She knew her powers would be back before morning, and she let herself enjoy the half-itch of them trying to kickstart.

 

Lena ate a few mouthfuls of a Thai salad, given that it was past 2 in the morning, just to keep Kara company. Kara watched her intently as she ate, small, precise bites of what she knew was a searing hot salad with complex flavours that Lena loved. Every movement was no bigger than it had to be, and when she was done, she chewed on her thumb while staring off into space.

 

“Penny for your thoughts?” Kara said, as she finished with the Thai food and started on the pizza, giving it an extra blast of heat vision.

 

“I guess… I’m wondering what happens, now,” Lena said, twisting her fork around aimlessly.

 

“In what way?” Kara asked, quietly.

 

“I’m wondering if you… if you still need me, after what happened today. You didn’t go into that weird state, whatever it is, and you didn’t need me to wake you. So you probably won’t need me now. I was thinking that maybe it’s time for me to return to National City.”

 

Kara huffed out a breath of surprise. And pain.

 

“You… you want to leave?”

 

“No, I just… I don’t want to be hanging around you when you don’t need me. You have a life in Washington now, a career, and Cat said you had someone you were sort-of seeing. I don’t want to disrupt that,” Lena said, in a small voice. “I know that it was mostly just… just sex, and if you would prefer to start fresh with someone else, I get that.”

 

“Where is this coming from?” Kara asked. “Before I went to sleep we were talking about Sam, and how this… us, is more than what you guys had. Forgive me if I misunderstood, but I took that to mean that you wanted to try this, give us a real chance.”

 

She tried, but failed, to keep the pain out of her voice. Lena’s head snapped up, her eyes widening.

 

“That’s not it, Kara,” she said, hurriedly. “I want to do this. I just don’t want to stand in your way. If you’re on your own for a while, without the episodes, you might find that your feelings weren’t what you thought. They could have been just… intense, because of everything that was happening.”

 

Kara stood abruptly, abandoning her pizza. She rounded the breakfast bar in a few strides and lifted Lena straight into her arms. She bent down and kissed her, not just with passion and lust, but with love. She tried to put into that kiss everything that Lena was somehow not hearing, and when Lena’s hands curled into her shirt and her body relaxed, Kara sighed in relief.

 

“I’m in love with you, Lena Luthor,” she said, in an urgent whisper, her forehead pressed against Lena’s. “None of this is a misunderstanding, or me mistaking my feelings. Before I went into that first coma, I was in love with you. I don’t think it was long after we met, actually, that I fell for you. Now, I get that you’re insecure sometimes, and I get why, but please do not belittle these feelings. I have never in my life felt like this, and I never want to be apart from you, unless it’s what you want. Is that… did I make that clear enough, for you?”

 

She drew back a little, blinking, finding Lena staring at her, eyes wide and surprised.

 

“Yes,” she said, her voice trembling. “Yes, you did.”

 

Kara nodded.

 

“Good,” she said, smiling. “Because I love you and I don’t want to be without you. If you feel like it’s time for you to go back to National City, that’s fine, but don’t make it about my feelings. If it’s what you need, it’s fine by me.”

 

Lena nodded, and Kara set her back on her stool carefully. She returned to her side of the breakfast bar and finished her pizza, folding three slices together and eating them all in one go.

 

“You ready to try to get some sleep?” Kara asked, looking up at Lena, who was watching her, still wide-eyed, a small, surprised smile on her face.

 

“Yes,” she said.

 

Kara cleaned up the kitchen in a burst of super-speed and then carried them both to the bedroom. She left the sun lamps off, knowing that her powers would return in the morning anyway, and pulled Lena close, letting the warmth and comfort of her body lull her to sleep.

 

Tomorrow was another day, and Kara prayed to Rao that whatever it brought, they would face it together.


	14. Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look at Lena and Kara's first six weeks in Washington together after Purity's attack

* * *

It was two weeks later, and Kara had been cleared for duty again by Dr Calabria, who still wanted to see her at least once a week. She’d only had one episode, however, and just a kiss had brought her back. Not that she and Lena had stopped at that, but it was good to know that was all it took. Her waking nightmare this time was more to do with Krypton, with Kal-El’s abandonment, and Astra’s death, however, than it had been about Reign or Purity. Something in Kara had loosened, relaxed, and she was once again sure that her power was adequate to fight in protection of those she loved.

 

While they were still in National City, Kara had one evening when she was ready for murder, and had had to hide away from Lena when she’d returned from dinner with Sam and Ruby smelling like Sam’s perfume. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Lena; that wasn’t it at all. In fact, she trusted Lena and Sam both implicitly. She did not believe for one second that Sam would go behind her back with Lena. But the scent of her mixed with Lena’s was infuriating, and she was still so angry about the time she’d lost and the fact that Lena and Sam almost married. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, not really, and she understood that, on an intellectual level. But her emotions didn’t care, so she locked herself away, sending Lena a text asking for space until she was calm. She meditated, her mind on Rao and his light, her mind soaring to the crystal spires of Argo City and the black seas of their ruined, but still beautiful, planet.

 

She sheepishly apologised to Lena afterwards, thanking Rao that she had chosen to shower while Kara was calming herself down, and was relieved that Lena didn’t make a big thing of it. She did bite Kara a lot that night when they were in bed, though, so Kara figured this was Lena’s way of getting out her anger. And she didn’t mind at all.

 

Now that they were back in DC, being back at work - even part time as she was currently - was a confidence boost. She felt much more like her usual self, and her mind, so agile and quick compared to her human counterparts, got a workout as she spoke eight different languages in a day and negotiated with the staffers of various world leaders.

 

Cat had lunch with her, and they talked about anything and everything, and this, too, was something she had missed. Cat just… believed in her, and she didn’t let Kara away with shrinking away from her responsibilities or her talents. She just believed, relentlessly, and Kara was bolstered once again. Plus, Cat was really funny, and her impression of the French Prime Minister was on point, making Kara laugh until she almost shot chocolate milk out of her nose.

 

When she got home, she found Lena asleep on the couch, her laptop on the floor in front of her and a Bluetooth headset still blinking away, attached to her ear. Kara removed it gently, making sure not to wake Lena, and then she went to make some soup. Minestrone, a recipe from a distant relative of Eliza’s who was Sicilian in origin. She cut up some leafy greens, smiling as she realised how happy Lena would be with this choice of food. Then she diced onions, potatoes, carrots, and celery and cooked them down with the other ingredients and some pre-made chicken stock and peas. A while later it was bubbling away, and she tasted it, adding a little more salt and some pepper and a little tomato paste with a flourish. By the time Lena was stirring, Kara had broken up some spaghetti into short pieces, and ten minutes or so after that, she grated some parmesan into a bowl for them to serve themselves. The meal was now complete.  

 

“Hey, you,” Lena said, sitting up and rubbing at her eyes, yawning. “Did you have a good day?”

 

“I did,” Kara confirmed, smiling at her. “Come get some food.”

 

Lena stood, sniffing appreciatively at the scent of the warm soup and the cheese and the bread that Kara had placed into the oven to warm for a few minutes. She shuffled over to the table and yawned again.

 

“Should I have made you a bowl of coffee instead?” Kara asked, amused.

 

“I’m a little tired,” Lena admitted. “There is a lot going on at CatCo and LCorp, and Sam’s doing a great job, but she can’t run both companies on her own. I can do a lot from here, but it’s not the same as being on the ground.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Kara said, wincing. “You know, you don’t need to be…”

 

“Stop,” Lena said, holding up a hand. “I’m here because I want to be. End of discussion. I chose to be here, and I choose to deal with the consequences.”

 

Kara nodded, but she wasn’t happy. Lena didn’t deserve this, exhausting herself just for Kara’s sake. She almost opened her mouth to say something else, but shied away at the look on Lena’s face, going to grab the bread and cut some slices out of it, adding thick, creamy butter.

 

They ate slowly but with enjoyment, Lena moaning at the taste of the soup. It really was delicious, and Kara enjoyed every mouthful, tearing into the bread with abandon.

 

“I was wondering how you would feel about… about us officially calling ourselves a couple. If you think that you’re ready,” Lena said, once dinner was almost over.

 

“Is that something that you want?” Kara asked, brow creasing in confusion. “Because I do, Lena, but… you and Sam just broke up, to everyone else’s eyes, and I wasn’t sure that you were sure, if I’m honest. I have been… worried, that the sex was just to help me, that you felt pushed into it. And I know you said that’s not how it is for you, but… I still worry. I never wanted to break you and Sam up, and I…”

 

Lena stood, her eyes dark and hooded.

 

“Do you love me.”

 

Kara swallowed.

 

“With my whole being,” she replied.

 

“And I love you with all of mine,” Lena said, still glaring.

 

“Oh… kay?” Kara said, standing herself, though she wasn’t entirely sure why. It was almost like a fight or flight response.

 

“We love each other, and we’re having sex, and I assume you want to keep doing that,” Lena said, and it was a statement, not a question.

 

“Yes,” Kara said, swallowing again.

 

“Then I think we should be okay to say that to our friends and family, or rather _your_ friends and family. And to each other. I don’t want to have to call you my friend anymore, when you’re so much more than that. Do you have a problem with that?”

 

“No,” Kara said. “I would love to call you my girlfriend, or partner, or whatever you want. I just wasn’t sure you…”

 

Lena glared at her even more fiercely.

 

“But now I am,” Kara said, in a rush. “So yes. Please, Lena, be my girlfriend? Because I want to try this with you, give it a real shot.”

 

Lena looked at her, expressionless.

 

“How hard are you trying not to sing Hamilton at me right now?” she asked, eventually.

 

“So, so hard,” Kara breathed, but now she felt a little better, like she was allowed to smile.

 

“Come here, you big dummy,” Lena said, and Kara did as she was told, lifting Lena up and into her arms, and Lena wrapped her legs around Kara’s hips. The kiss was sweet and loving, with a building urgency that soon led them to the bedroom. Lena was even more exhausted after that, and they finished off the remains of their meal in bed, Kara heating everything with her heat vision.

 

“Hey, girlfriend,” Kara said, when she caught Lena watching her stuff bread into her mouth like a savage.

 

“Don’t do that,” Lena said, shaking her head. “That’s just… no. You can’t pull that off.”

 

Kara hung her head, dejected.

 

“Fine, you can say it,” Lena said, rolling her eyes. “But only because you’re so stinkin’ cute.”

 

Kara grinned at that, and then the tray was suddenly gone from the bed, and Lena had to fend off one overly-affectionate Kryptonian, not that she had any objections, from the noises she was making. Kara slept like a baby that night.

 

Everyone took the news pretty well, except James, at least, but that wasn’t much of a surprise to either Kara or Lena. He wasn’t happy because of his former relationship with Lena, and his jealousy towards anyone who Kara liked was a standing joke.

 

Kara found that she didn’t much care about James’ attitude, because he had pretty much entirely abandoned her when she was almost killed by Reign, and unlike Lena, he had never apologised or explained himself. He was too busy being “Guardian”, the self-professed hero. It was funny how real heroes never called themselves that, Kara had always thought. Clark never did, and she had only ever referred to it in the context of her being on a hero’s journey in the classic sense, which was much more about her personal growth. She didn’t think of herself as a hero, necessarily. She had so much power that it was usually completely safe for her to go grab falling planes out of the sky or shielding people from bombs with her body. If she was human and still did those things, maybe she’d consider herself heroic. But James – he was always yammering on about how he was a hero as soon as he knew who Clark Kent was, he just needed to find it in himself. So far as Kara had heard, any effectiveness that he had was more to do with the amazing suit that Winn had built for him. When it was just him, he got his ass kicked.

 

Eliza had invited them for dinner in Midvale, and Kara had persuaded Lena to let her carry her. Lena didn’t mind the feeling, after a while, so Kara vowed to take her flying more often.

 

Dinner was a little tense, at first, because Eliza was so worried about Kara and she was a little sharp as a result. But as soon as she realised that Lena was in fight-or-flight mode, thinking that Eliza was blaming her for Kara’s condition, she subsided, gently welcoming Lena to her home and making sure she was too full of food and drink to move, let alone worry.

 

Kara was sent into the kitchen to make hot chocolate, and Eliza told her not to use her superhearing, but Kara couldn’t help it. She wanted to make sure that Lena was okay, and that Eliza wasn’t blaming her for stuff that wasn’t her fault.

 

“So, you’re in love with my daughter,” Eliza said, quietly. Kara could hear the smile in her voice.

 

“I am,” Lena said, quietly, with a tiny cough. She shifted in her chair.

 

“I’m very glad about that, as it happens,” Eliza said. “She needs someone who is worthy of her, worthy of her strength and intellect and someone who understands her. Her boy-toy from Daxam certainly wasn’t worth it, I think we can both agree there…”

 

Lena snorted indelicately.

 

“You can say that again,” she said. Kara actually heard her eyes roll in their sockets.

 

“I’ve read up about the work you’ve been doing with LCorp, and before that, with Spheerical. You are quite the revolutionary,” Eliza said, and she sounded fond. Kara smiled as she stirred some milk and sugar into cream at high speed, taking care not to allow it to end up all over the ceiling.

 

“First I was trying to cure cancer,” Lena said, thoughtfully. “And then everything happened with Lex, so I was more or less obliged to take over as CEO, and I did everything I could to turn it away from the murder-y, world-domination direction it had taken under Lex’s leadership. I would much rather have stayed working with Jack. But now that I’m where I am and Kara is too, I feel like it was meant to be, if that makes any sense at all. Kara seems to be the kind of person who’s a force, and it seems that the universe bent itself around her to get her here. I can’t ignore that.”

 

“Does she make you happy, sweetie?” Eliza asked.

 

Lena nodded. Thanks to Kara’s super-hearing, she heard the movements of her muscles.

 

“She does. I love her so much…” Lena trailed off, and Eliza moved. Kara couldn’t tell where she was going, and then her voice was in a different place.

 

“Oh, honey,” she said, from right next to Lena. “She loves you too. So much. I’ve never seen her look at anyone the way she looks at you.”

 

Lena was crying, from the sounds of things, and Kara decided to take her time with the hot chocolate. She let it thicken, switching her hearing to another ‘channel’, concentrating on a house not far away where they were playing Adele at full volume. She sang along under her breath, and after a few minutes she tuned her hearing back into the other room. Lena was sniffling but seemed to have stopped crying. Kara clinked the mugs together loudly, and she made her way in to the living room where Lena was checking her reflection in a small hand mirror.

 

“So, I put cream on all of the hot chocolates, I hope you don’t mind,” she said, chirpily.

 

Eliza shot her a ‘look’, and Kara nodded. She’d heard that Lena was upset. Eliza rolled her eyes, probably to tell Kara off for using her super-hearing. Kara shrugged slightly. She put the hot chocolates onto the coffee table, sitting next to Lena and pulling her close, once she’d discarded her mirror.

 

“I missed you,” she murmured, kissing Lena’s temple.

 

“You were in the kitchen,” Lena replied, deadpan.

 

“I still missed you,” Kara said, grinning unrepentantly.

 

“So how did all of this start?” Eliza asked. “Forgive me for listening to gossip, Lena, but I was under the impression that you were engaged to Superwoman.”

 

“I was,” Lena said, sighing. “The gossip isn’t wrong there. You might remember when Kara was first in her coma, I was around all the time. And then… I wasn’t.”

 

“Yes,” Eliza said. “You found out that the DEO were holding young Samantha against her will, and without any real reason. You were able to convince the President that it was unlawful, and that awful General Lane was sent to somewhere in Alaska, I think. See how he does trying to do experiments on yetis instead of innocent aliens.”

 

“I hope his man parts freeze off,” Kara muttered. She _really_ hated General Lane.

 

Eliza snickered.

 

“So I managed to get Sam out of there, as you said. But I stopped seeing Kara, and in all honesty I’m not sure exactly why, but I blamed her for Sam’s incarceration, and for not telling me she was Supergirl. So I stopped coming to see her. And when she woke up, I deliberately ignored her. I’m not expecting your forgiveness for any of this, Dr Danvers. I did a horrible thing to a friend and I won’t ever be able to make up for it. But Sam found out why I had cut Kara from my life, and she told me off. A lot. And so did Maggie and Alex. So I went to Washington to see Kara, and I tried to apologise. That’s when Kara passed out in front of me and went into her first dissociative state.”

 

Eliza’s eyes were wide, and she reached over to take Kara and Lena’s hands.

 

“I decided, after some debate with Cat and the doctor, and some arguing with Kara, that I was going to stay with her until she was a little better, and until we could talk and I could apologise properly. So that’s where I’ve been for the last… how many months has it been?” Lena asked.

 

“About four,” Kara confirmed, nodding.

 

“And when did you… get together?” Eliza asked.

 

“That’s kind of private, Eliza,” Kara said, flushing a little.

 

“Okay,” Eliza said. “Understood.” The expression of her face told Kara that Eliza wouldn’t be letting the question go, however, and she tried not to sigh. No-one could stand up to Eliza when she wanted to know something.

 

They went to bed a little early that night, and Lena breathed out a sigh of relief when they were under the covers and Kara’s arms were wrapped around her.

 

“She wasn’t that bad, was she?” Kara asked, quietly.

 

“No, she wasn’t. I was a bit anxious at first,” Lena said. “But she made me feel at ease.”

 

“Good,” Kara said. “I love you.”

 

“I love you,” Lena replied.

 

“Why were you crying?” Kara asked.

 

“You weren’t supposed to be eavesdropping,” Lena said sternly.

 

“I was just making sure she wasn’t being hard on you,” Kara said apologetically. “I didn’t mean to intrude, but I didn’t want her to say something hurtful. She can be a little over the top sometimes. Not really on purpose, but that doesn’t matter, because it’s still hurtful.”

 

“She asked me if I was happy, and I told her I was, and that I love you, and I just…  I was overwhelmed. Because I really do love you, so much, and because I was sitting in your mother’s house talking to her about the fact that I love her daughter. Like a normal human. When I was with Jack, his parents were in England; we never met until the funeral. And none of my other relationships have been the kind where I could go home to meet the parents. And I guess the last few months have been intense; it just caught up on me.”

 

“I’m sorry, baby,” Kara said softly, combing Lena’s hair through her fingers. “I know things have been a little crazy. You know, if you need some time, to think about things, I understand.”

 

“No, it’s okay,” Lena said, wiping her face. “I’m fine, Kara.”

 

“If you’re sure,” Kara said, kissing her neck and sucking at it a little.

 

“Do you think you can be quiet?” she breathed, into Lena’s ear.

 

Lena shivered.

 

“I think I can bite the pillow,” she murmured, and Kara grinned at her.

 

The pillow muffled a lot less than Kara would have thought, but despite Eliza’s knowing looks the following day, it was worth it.

 

They went back to Washington late that afternoon, flying in stealth mode, and Lena got back to work immediately, looking more and more stressed as she did so.

 

Their relationship was growing slowly, deeper and more and more intimate, and not just physically. Kara told Lena about her life on Krypton, how she was due to have her match made for her through Matricomp on her 14th birthday, and how she’d been hoping it was going to be her best friend Jan-Irz, a tiny, pretty red-headed girl who stayed over at Kara’s home often. They used to whisper secrets to each other under the blankets and occasionally Astra would ambush them, tickling their feet until they begged for mercy.

 

Lena told Kara about her childhood, before the Luthors and after, and usually after they’d talked, they had cathartic and energetic sex. Kara’s work was going well, and as far as she was concerned, things couldn’t be better. They became more and more entangled in each other, and even though Lena was stressed, running two companies remotely with only sporadic help from the CatCo side at least.

 

They went to the theatre, saw Hamilton and Waitress and Fun Home and others, and Lena teased Kara about being a musical nerd, and they went to two technology conferences and even a Comic-Con where Lena fangirled over meeting several of her favourite authors. Kara was starting to think about a future with Lena, and while she didn’t know how to approach it, exactly, she was probably happier than she’d ever been.

 

The one continuing blip in their relationship was Lena’s responsibilities. She had two companies to run, and while there was a recruitment effort going on to find a CEO for CatCo, they hadn’t come up with anyone with the requisite skills. Snapper Carr was running the journalism side but the business side was in freefall. James had done an adequate job, but only just. And since his departure, Lena herself had been taking the role of CEO, at least until her disastrous attempt to apologise to Kara had started off this whole thing. Kara had thought hard about returning to National City for Lena’s sake, but when she thought about being in National City with Sam flying the skies as Superwoman, her stomach tightened and her skin crawled. National City just wasn’t her home anymore. She just hoped that Lena could find someone to run CatCo soon. Then they could talk about a future, about how to give this thing between them a name.

 

Lena was short-tempered when stressed, and the whole thing with CatCo was stressing her more than Kara had ever seen before, other than when the Daxamites invaded, of course. She tried to keep it in check when Kara was around. But she couldn’t always, and her snapping usually ended up in fervent apologies and sweet, hot sex. Kara wasn’t worried about it all too much, because Lena seemed happy. Seemed, however, was the operative word.

 

Lena was feeling the strain of her divided duties much more keenly than Kara would ever have imagined. It all came to a head about six weeks after they arrived back in Washington, six weeks of perfection, from Kara’s perspective. One evening Kara came home from the White House, finding that Lena hadn’t made them dinner as she usually did. Kara didn’t comment, just kissing Lena on the temple and going to make something for them both. She tried to get Lena’s attention when the food was ready, but Lena just muttered something under her breath before making another phone call to someone at CatCo. Kara put the food in the oven to stay warm, and went to shower. When she came back, she tried to get Lena to eat again.

 

“I’m not hungry,” Lena growled.

 

“You need to eat, honey,” Kara said.

 

“I don’t want any food,” Lena said. “I have too much to do.”

 

“You still need to eat,” Kara said, soothingly.

 

Lena rounded on her, fury written all over her face.

 

“I don’t have _time_ , Kara. It’s okay for you to waltz back from the office at six and leave your work behind, but I can’t do that. I have two companies hanging on my every breath, and there’s only Sam who I can trust. Everything is falling apart!” Her tone was full of venom, a tone she’d never directed at Kara before.

 

Kara stepped back.

 

“I’m sorry, Lee. I didn’t realise things were so bad.”

 

“Of course you didn’t realise. Because everything is about you,” Lena spat, grinding her teeth together. Her expression was cold, almost haughty. In that moment, Kara could see Lillian’s influence in every line of Lena’s body.

 

“Can I do anything to help?” Kara said, helplessly.

 

“No, you can’t just swoop in and Supergirl everything, Kara. Both of my companies are stumbling without me there. You can’t just fix this,” Lena practically snarled.

 

Kara shifted uncomfortably.

 

“What do you want me to do then, Lee? You told me you were here because you wanted to be. If that’s changed, then I understand,” Kara said, but Lena cut her off again.

 

“I don’t need your permission, Kara,” she said, eyes flashing.

 

“I never said you did,” Kara said, quietly. “You should do whatever you need to do, for your companies and for your own wellbeing,” she continued. She backed away, head down. “I’m going to lie down for a while. Let me know what you decide.”

 

Lena glared at her, shoulders heaving. Kara went to lie on her bed, finding a book and reading quietly for a while.

 

Lena knocked on the door about 2 hours later.

 

“I’m sorry,” she said, as soon as she came into the room.

 

“It’s fine,” Kara said, turning onto her back and looking at Lena, her face clear of judgement.

 

“I’ve been a little stressed,” Lena admitted, sitting at the bottom of the bed.

 

Kara nodded.

 

“I think I need to go back to National City,” she said, dropping her eyes. “I wanted to be here, like I promised you I would, until you were truly well. But I can’t… the stuff with LCorp and CatCo isn’t all of it. This, between us – it’s been overwhelming, and I’m not saying I want to break up, but… I do need a break, Kara.”

 

Kara felt like her world was shattering around her again, but she breathed carefully, using the meditative techniques that Dr Calabria had taught her, and she stayed calm and grounded. Or, as calm and grounded as she could manage, given the circumstances.

 

“If that’s what you need, then I understand,” she said, finally. “And I think you’re right, about the break. It has been intense, and we… we probably both need time to be alone, to work on ourselves before we move forward any further.”

 

“I don’t want to leave you, Kara, but I think that all of this, how we began… I think we could both do with some distance to mull things over, to get our heads straight before we move forward,” Lena said, eyes still downcast.

 

“I understand,” Kara said, nodding. “When will you be going?”

 

“I think… I’m going to go right now,” Lena said. “The sooner we do this, the sooner we can move forward.”

 

“Okay,” Kara said, nodding. “If that’s what you need.”

 

“It is,” Lena said. “I’m sorry, Kara.”

 

“It’s okay, Lee. I told you that weeks ago.”

 

“Maybe I should have admitted that I needed space back then,” Lena said, sighing.

 

“Maybe,” Kara said, with a small smile. “But you have to do what you have to do. Do you need any help packing?”

 

“No, I’ve got it,” Lena said.

 

“Okay,” Kara said, again. “I guess I’ll see you around then, Miss Luthor.”

 

“You will,” Lena said, moving to sit next to her on the bed. “This isn’t permanent, darling. I just need some time to work things out.”

 

Kara nodded, biting her lip to keep from crying. She could cry when Lena was gone.

 

“I love you, Kara Zor-El,” Lena said, her eyes filling.

 

“I love you too, Lena,” Kara said, swallowing. “Now, go. Time waits for no woman.”

 

Lena smiled at her, and Kara nodded to herself as the woman she loved left the room. She listened as Lena moved around the living space and winced as she heard her place her key carefully in the dish by the door before she stepped out of the apartment. When Lena’s heartbeat had faded out of Kara’s normal reach, she judged that she was safe to cry, without being overheard or interrupted. So cry she did, until she was too exhausted to move or speak. She sent a short text to Cat to say she wouldn’t be in the next day, and then she succumbed to her exhaustion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I know some of you are going to be pissed at me for this development. I have had this written for a long time, though, and I stand by it. If any of my relationships had started out in the way our girls' had, I'm pretty sure I'd need some time to myself at some point, to let things sink in. And I don't have to run any companies at all. Kara agrees with Lena, and has already made the suggestion that Lena should go back to National City to set things right. This is still Supercorp endgame, but in the meantime, both ladies need some time to take stock and grow. So, to those of you who are so inclined - stick with it. We will have a happy ending.


	15. Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara deals with Lena's absence, and there's a threat against the President.

* * *

The day after Lena left, Kara let herself wallow, watching crappy romantic comedies and eating more ice cream than anyone should ever eat in a lifetime. She let herself have that one day, and after a sleepless night, she went back to work. Cat asked her if everything was okay, and Kara told her she would be fine. Cat watched her worriedly, but Kara just got on with her work, managing to save a negotiation between Iraq and Iran because of a slip-up by a translator. The President thanked her personally for that, and Kara was proud of an achievement that, for once, had nothing to do with her super-powers.

 

Cat arrived at her apartment later that night, bringing Carter, and they had an impromptu dinner party followed by Settlers of Catan, which Carter won in spectacular fashion. He dozed off a little while later, Kara’s arm around his shoulders, and Cat pounced.

 

“What happened, Kara?” she demanded, in a tone that brooked no argument. Kara sighed quietly.

 

“Lena left.”

 

Cat’s face went from surprised, to confused, to pissed - all within a few seconds.

 

“She did _what_?”

Kara winced.

 

“She left. She was struggling with running L-Corp and CatCo from here, and she was stressed and angry and I tried to help but… she was just mad, and lashing out. So I left her to calm down, left dinner in the oven for her. She knocked on my bedroom door a little later and she told me that everything with work was too much and that she needed to be back in National City to take care of it. I told her weeks ago that if she wanted to do that, I understood. But she said no, back then. Anyway, she told me that this thing between us was too intense, and she needed a break, to figure out how we should move forward. And then she left.”

 

“Goddammit. She promised that she would be here for you. That if you needed support, she would be the one who’d be here 24/7. And now she’s just gone?” Cat gesticulated delicately with one hand upturned, baffled.

 

“I don’t need her 24/7 anymore,” Kara said, wearily. “Even the doc said so. I just wish she hadn’t done it the way she did. She left in the middle of the night, practically, and yeah. I sort of feel like she abandoned me again. But I did tell her it was okay, and CatCo really does need her there. I will be fine without her though; I haven’t had any more episodes, and I am still working, so I’ll be okay, Cat. I promise. I haven’t had an episode in a while. I am still recovering, and I might be for a while, but I’m okay.”

 

Cat reached out and took her hand.

 

“I don’t doubt it, Supergirl, but that doesn’t mean I’m not still worried. And honestly, I’m furious with her. She could, at the very least, have told me and Dr Calabria what was happening, and given us some time to arrange other measures.”

 

“Yeah, she could,” Kara said, shrugging gently. “But she didn’t, and I still have a life to live. So I’m going to deal with what’s in front of me, and if the time comes that she wants to be back in my life, I’ll handle it then.”

 

“Are you saying that you might not take her back?” Cat asked gently.

 

“I don’t know,” Kara said. “I understand why she’s gone, but I definitely don’t appreciate her just abandoning me, especially after everything that we’ve already been through. I know that’s probably not fair of me – I told her to go, more than once, if she needed to. But I guess my heart and my head are not in agreement.”

 

“Hmm. I don’t blame you, darling,” Cat said, shaking her head. “You know that I am here for you, don’t you? And if you need somewhere to stay so you’re not on your own, you’re welcome to stay with me.”

 

“I appreciate the offer, Cat,” Kara said, smiling. “But if I need somewhere to stay because the episodes are happening again, I couldn’t, in good conscience, stay with you. If I had an episode when I was there, it would be confusing and upsetting for Carter.”

 

“I knew you were going to say that,” Cat said, sighing.

 

“I still appreciate the offer,” Kara said, smiling.

 

“You’re welcome, Kara.”          

 

Lena contacted her sporadically, texts and a few phone calls. But she was clearly deep in work mode, and she didn’t have much time or energy. Kara wasn’t sure whether the lack of contact was a good thing or not – if Lena truly loved her, surely she would be missing Kara as much as Kara missed her, and would get in contact more often because she couldn’t not. As things stood, Kara was becoming less understanding and more angry about Lena’s absence, and despite telling herself that she shouldn’t blame Lena, her heart and head really _weren’t_ in agreement.

 

Life began to get a little more complicated a few weeks after Kara’s conversation with Cat, because there was chatter coming from the NSA and the CIA that a terrorist cell was going to make an attempt on the President’s life. It was decided that, for a while, Kara would be placed in the ranks of the Secret Service. With a little negotiation, Kara was able to visit Earth-1 to ask for one of their face-changing devices, and she became a hard-faced Secret Service agent who looked a little like Alex. She carried a gun, mostly for show, and wore her super-suit underneath, so she had the option to use the suit’s taser or stealth function if necessary. The other agents were told that, if given an order by the newest agent in their ranks, they were to obey her to the letter, as if she were the President herself.

 

The first attempt on the President’s life came from a drone a week or so later, and it simply made its way into the White House grounds and started shooting at the windows. The windows were made from highly-reinforced glass, and the terrorists clearly hadn’t thought it all through, because the drone’s weapons were too small a calibre to breach the glass. The regular Secret Service took care of it, and Kara spent an uncomfortable few hours trapped in a tiny bunker with the President and some of the Secret Service, and a few Senators who complained loudly about anything and everything.

 

The next attempt, two weeks after the first, was a little more serious. A bomb on Air Force 1. Thankfully, Kara was riding with the President in her disguise as Agent Kay Zorella, and she was able to secure the President in her quarters with several agents around her while Kara went to find and destroy the bomb alone. When it proved too complex for her to defuse, and it became clear that the bomb was going to explode no matter what, Kara spun into her costume, unobserved. She opened the cargo bay doors and flew up into the stratosphere and let the bomb explode, collecting as much of the wreckage of the device as she could. She flew back to Air Force One as Supergirl, and asked them to land immediately. They had been headed to Tokyo, so the closest place for them to stop was National City.

 

Kara had to take a deep breath when she realised where they were landing. Lena’s calls and texts had gone from sporadic to non-existent, and Kara’s own attempts at making contact had gone unanswered. She squared her shoulders and took a deep breath. She could do this.

 

Kara brought the President directly to the DEO in National City herself, and after greeting J’onn and a few others, she went to find Alex and Winn. They scanned Kara carefully and took the detritus of the bomb from her, sending her to decontamination where she and her suit were thoroughly cleaned, and two hours later they had an answer for the President. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the answer they wanted to give.

 

“Madam President, I’m sorry to tell you this, but firstly this bomb matches the design of one used by Cadmus in a previous attack on Superwoman. And secondly, there was an unusual element in the bomb, a radioactive element that is harmless to humans, but deadly to…”

 

“To Durlans,” the President interrupted. “They know I’m not human.”

 

“Yes,” Kara said, with Alex and Winn right behind her. “They know you’re not human, and they’re trying to kill you.”

 

“Maybe not,” a familiar voice said, from behind Kara.

 

“Miss Luthor. Did you have something you wanted to add?” Kara asked, turning to nod at Lena, her face impassive. She heard Lena’s heart stutter, but she ignored it. It seemed that her anger had won the battle with her logical mind.

 

“I believe that the quantity of the alien element was too small to kill an adult Durlan. I think their intention was to maim you, Madam President. To inhibit your shape-changing abilities so that you would have to step down or be outed as an alien,” Lena said, her voice trembling a little as she tapped on a tablet.

 

“Thank you, Miss Luthor. I don’t know whether to be relieved or even more concerned,” the President said, thoughtfully. “Is there any way the DEO could produce some sort of a shield against the radiation? As I believe Mr Schott did before, for Superman and Supergirl when they fought the two Metallos?”

 

Winn choked on his tongue. Alex stepped in smoothly.

 

“I’m sure that we can come up with something between Winn, myself and Lena,” she said, nodding respectfully at the President.

 

“Thank you, Agent Danvers. I should be going; the Japanese won’t wait forever. For now, Supergirl, I’ll need you to stay close,” the President said.

 

“Of course, Madam President” Kara said, spinning into her Secret Service disguise. Lena gasped when she used the facial transmogrifier, but Kara didn’t look at her. Lena hadn’t contacted her in weeks. Kara wasn’t about to make the first move to communicate. Or indeed any move. She was keeping the President safe, and she was concentrating on that. She nodded at Winn and Alex, and then walked along with the President to the Command Centre, where J’onn grinned at her disguise.

 

The President stopped to have a word with J’onn, and someone touched Kara’s arm. She turned around, her face blank.

 

“Hi,” Lena said, her eyes on her feet.

 

“Hello,” Kara said tonelessly. “Was there something you needed?”

 

“Kara, I… I’m sorry I haven’t called recently. I… didn’t know what to say.”

 

“Your apology is not necessary,” Kara said, blankly. It was easier when she knew it wasn’t her face that Lena was seeing.

 

“Of course it’s necessary. Stop… stop acting like we don’t mean anything to each other,” Lena hissed, in an angry whisper.

 

“I don’t believe it was me who did that. I’m not the one who walked out – again - and stopped calling. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a job to do,” Kara said, tonelessly.

 

The President started walking towards the helipad, and Kara went along with her, leaving Lena in her wake without another word.

 

The threats tailed off after the Japan visit, for a little while at least, so Kara was able to spend a bit more time with Cat and Carter, and doing her own job instead of moonlighting as a Secret Service Agent. It was a welcome change. Working directly with the President was one thing, but following her around just in case there was a problem was not interesting, except when it was far _too_ interesting.

 

She ended up in National City a week or so later when Cadmus released the information that National City’s superhero, Superwoman, was the same woman who had terrorised the city and murdered hundreds of criminals, not to mention almost killing Supergirl.

 

When Kara read the news, she made a brief stop at Cat’s office before leaving for the rest of the day to head to National City. She found that the Mayor of National City was holding a press conference about Sam, and she decided that’s where she should go. She landed gently next to the Mayor, a young woman who had once presented Kara with the keys to the city, and waited politely until she finished speaking. The Mayor spoke in support of Superwoman, something for which Kara was grateful. Then she stepped aside, asking Kara if she wanted to say something.

 

Kara nodded, thanking the Mayor, and then she stepped up to the podium where there were six or seven microphones already set up. In front of her were 50 or so reporters, and behind them, a crowd of several hundred protesters.

 

“Hi, National City,” Kara said, smiling and waving at a few children who were jumping up and down in delight at her presence. “You might remember me,” she said, and a few of the reporters laughed. “You are all remembering, right now, that Reign, an alien hell-bent on killing criminals and taking over the Earth, was busy doing just that about a year ago. And I tried to stop her. Now, I did manage to stop her in the end, but not in the way you all might think. I fought the dark personality known as Reign, and I gave Superwoman a chance to take back control of her body and mind. The whole story isn’t mine to tell, but it turns out that Superwoman is actually a cousin of mine, too. And she has made me prouder than you could possibly know since she stood up and took my place here in National City. I know that you might think that you can’t trust someone who has tried to hurt others in the past. But let me remind you of a time when I did just that. I was affected by a substance that made me crazy, and I terrorised National City for a day or so until someone was able to find the antidote. I was lucky enough that the city forgave me. If your brother or your daughter was forced to do something that they didn’t want to do, would you blame them? Because that was what happened to Superwoman. And if your child was fed PCP and became violent, would you blame them? Because I was given alien PCP, and that’s what happened to me.

 

I promise you, National City, that if I or the government had any doubts about Superwoman, we would not trust her to protect you. But we do. I can only hope that you trust my judgement as much as you have trusted me to protect you in the past.”

 

Kara pressed her own super-watch discreetly, in the hope that Superwoman would hear her and would come here, to reassure the people of the city. Sam arrived a few seconds later, landing next to Kara, her head down. She was trembling.

 

Kara shook her hand, making sure that the cameras got a good picture, and then she turned back to the microphones.

 

“This woman is strong enough to defeat an enemy that had control of her mind, and I couldn’t be prouder to call her part of my family. I hope that you, the people of National City, will give her the same chance that you gave me after I was drugged. Thank you.”

 

Kara shook Sam’s hand again, murmuring support, and then she took off, waving at the crowd and the reporters as she flew away. It was up to Sam, now.

 

She got a text that evening from Lena.

_Thank you for doing what you did for Sam. I know that can’t have been easy._

 

Kara didn’t reply.

 

Alex and Winn (and Lena, Kara assumed) came up with a shield for the element that Cadmus had used to attack the President, and in doing so they also came up with a permanent shield against Kryptonite. Winn made new uniforms for all three supers, suits which had all of the new features that Kara’s suit had, but with Kryptonite shielding woven into the fabric. The next time Lillian or Lex Luthor came after any of them with Kryptonite, they were in for a hell of a surprise.

 

There was another attack on the President a month later, this time with what must have been half of Cadmus involved. The President was addressing a group of aliens who had just been made citizens, and Cadmus took great pleasure in attacking the President and the aliens, judging from what Kara overheard. She was astonished to find that Lillian Luthor was there, her body enhanced in the same way that Hank Henshaw’s had been. In the end, it came down to a fist-fight between Kara and Lillian, and Lillian pulled a Kryptonite sword from a sheath on her back, grinning.

 

Kara grinned back, and, x-raying Lillian’s skull with its new enhancements, she calculated the amount of force she would need to use to knock the woman unconscious. She moved carefully, determined not to kill Lena’s mother by accident, and Lillian’s surprised eyes faded into unconsciousness. It took Kara a few minutes to mop up the rest of the Cadmus agents, with the help of her Secret Service colleagues, but it was ten or so minutes later when she realised there was no-one else to fight. And she was surrounded by the Secret Service, her ‘fellow’ agents giving her a round of applause.

 

“We knew there was something different about you, Agent Zorella,” the Agent-in-Charge said, chuckling. “But we had no idea you were Supergirl. Thank you for helping us with this threat. We wouldn’t have been able to withstand this kind of force without you.”

 

Kara blushed, smiling around at the agents.

 

“Thank you. But I should be thanking you. You’re the ones who put yourselves in harm’s way to protect the President every day. I’m bulletproof. You’re not. You guys are the real heroes, here.”

 

The Agents shuffled and blushed, men and women alike, and Kara grinned.

 

“I should go. Agent Zorella might be back, so I trust you can keep this to yourselves, being ‘Secret’ Service and all,” she said, grinning.

 

“Yes Ma’am,” the Agent-in-Charge said. “Up, up and away, then.”

 

Kara chuckled and took off, shooting out of the building and heading back to Washington where she got back to work on getting Cat prepared for a Press Conference on gun control. It was a sticky subject, and took a lot of time and concentration to outline the salient points.

 

It was midnight before she got home, and when she did, she found a delivery of flowers waiting outside of her apartment. She took it inside, not needing to check the card to know who it was from. Plumerias. Lena’s apology flower of choice, it appeared. She left them on the small table where, once upon a time, she and Lena had fucked each other, one or other of them bent over it as they dealt with the aftermath of one of Kara’s episodes. Or later, when they were doing it just because they wanted to.

 

She sighed and massaged her temples. It had been a long day, and she wasn’t tired enough to sleep. The thought of sex with Lena had her muscles tightening and begging for release.

 

Instead of flying to National City and begging for Lena to help her, Kara took a bath and brought a vibrator with her. It wasn’t the same as being with Lena, but since that was no longer an option, she had to take her relaxation where she could get it.

 

Dr Calabria was still coming by, once a week at least, and she had talked Kara through the ‘break’ that Lena had insisted on.

 

“It is not a break-up, she said?” the doctor asked, in her strange accent.

 

“So she said. But the last few weeks of silence have proven that she didn’t mean it,” Kara said, swallowing back tears, tears of pain and of anger. “I shouldn’t be surprised. It’s not like she hasn’t done it before.”

 

“She deserves time to think things through, does she not?” the doctor asked.

 

“Of course. But if that’s just what it was, I would have heard from her by now. I tried to hang on, to believe that she was coming back to me, but clearly she isn’t. I’m just trying to accept it.”

 

“You don’t want to fight for her?”

 

“Why? What good would it do?” Kara asked. “She’s made up her mind. This is the second time she’s left me. I think that’s a pretty clear sign.”

 

“What did she say to you at the DEO?” the doctor asked. She knew exactly what Lena had said; she just wanted Kara to say it again.

 

“She said that she was sorry she hadn’t been in touch recently, that she didn’t know what to say. And when I told her that the apology was unnecessary, she told me to stop pretending that we didn’t mean anything to each other. But what else can I do? I have accepted that it’s over. What more does she want from me? She sent me flowers again. So clearly she’s feeling guilty again. I just wish… I wish she’d stop, you know? What’s the point? She’s gone, and I have a life here, and I have no doubt she’ll find someone else soon enough. So why drag all of this out?” Kara asked angrily.

 

“Why indeed,” the doctor agreed, her eyes hooded. “You will never know until you speak to her.”

 

“Then I’ll never know,” Kara said, quietly. “I’ve had enough pain to last a million lifetimes. Why go looking for more?”

 

The doctor lifted an eyebrow, but left it at that. Kara’s ‘3-months-without-an-episode’ anniversary passed with a couple of shots of alien alcohol and a drunken cry. She almost called Lena, but was sober enough to stop herself. Lena had moved on, she told herself. Lena had all of the power in their relationship, and she’d demonstrated that once again by just walking out of it.

 

Had she known that Lena was sitting in her own empty apartment with an open text message that she typed a hundred times before discarding, Kara might have pressed the call button on her phone. But she didn’t know, so she didn’t call.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex comes to visit

* * *

Alex came to visit a week after Kara’s conversation with Dr Calabria in which the doctor had gently asked her if she truly wanted to give up on Lena. For the first few days of Alex’s visit, the sisters just spent their time eating, binge-watching television and movies, and going out for flights around the city, Kara using the stealth function on her suit to hide them. Alex had always loved flying, and being able to do it without consequence because of the stealth cloak was wonderful.

 

On the third day, though, Alex got up early in the morning, went for a run, and, after a shower, made some coffee and sat down opposite Kara at the breakfast bar.

 

“So. Are we going to talk about all of this?” she asked, her eyes narrowed in that shrewd but caring way she did so well.

 

“About what, specifically?” Kara asked, stuffing a donut in her mouth without much regard of where donut and mouth were, geographically. This led to a splurting of jelly ending up on her cheek and in her hair, and Alex laughing hysterically. After Kara had mostly cleaned herself up, Alex looked at her seriously again.

 

“I’ve been talking to Lena,” she said, quietly.

 

Kara’s temper flared, but she kept it inside. She couldn’t expect Alex not to talk to Lena just because of what Lena had done to her.

 

“I know you are probably mad that I’ve been in touch with her, and honestly I can’t blame you. But we work together a lot. She knows Sam’s physiology a lot better than I do, because Sam’s still a Worldkiller. When she first came back to National City, I yelled at her for a solid hour, Kara. Because you needed her, and I know you did. But… I also knew that the way things started between you wasn’t remotely healthy. Sam spilled a lot about what happened, too, when she came back from DC heartbroken.”

 

Alex sighed, running her fingers through her hair, sighing.

 

“I want to hate Lena. I do. She’s been stupid, indecisive, and her latest stupid decision was to stop talking to you, because she was so ashamed of herself. I don’t forgive her, but I understand how she got here. Would you… would you just listen, if I tell you how things were, when you were in the coma?”

 

Kara raised an eyebrow, but after a while, she just nodded.

 

Alex wrung her fingers nervously, but continued.

 

“It was a few days before we realised that you were going to be in a coma for a while. First, we thought you were going to die. I had been up for almost 72 hours straight, and Lena had been right there with me, fighting to see if there was anything she could do, poring over information about your physiology, trying to think of ways to use Sam’s blood to heal you, since she was already healed after splitting from Reign. There was nothing we could do, in the end, but leave you under the sunlamps and pray. But Lena… she sneaked up on me and sedated me. Even Maggie couldn’t get me to sleep, so they all worked together. Winn distracted me with some of his nonsense, and Maggie took off her leather jacket in the middle of the CIC, and she was just wearing a tank top.”

 

“Ew,” Kara interjected.

 

Alex just shrugged.

 

“It worked. I was distracted, and Lena stabbed me with a syringe, and I was out for like, two days. In those two days, Lena never left your side except to go to the bathroom. I have never, ever seen anyone as tired as Lena was after I woke up. She was the one to give me the news, then. That you were likely going to be in a prolonged coma, if you ever woke up at all. I… I kind of lost it, and Maggie was there for me, like she always is. But Lena lost it too, even worse. She cried so hard she had a nosebleed. This time, I sedated her, and when she woke, we had a talk. About you, specifically, and how she felt about you.”

 

“Okay,” Kara said, eyes narrowing. “So what conclusion did you two come to, during your talk?”

 

“That she was in love with you, Kar. That she had been more or less since you met, but she’d given up hope because of Mon-El. She thought you were completely straight. And then… she watched Supergirl-you nearly die the first time round, and then Kara-you said you were leaving, and… well. She had no idea why you were telling her that you were leaving, until she saw that you were fighting Reign again. She realised that you were trying to protect her by telling her that Kara Danvers was leaving, so that when you fought Reign, if things went bad she would still think Kara was alive and well. She realised that you didn’t expect to survive the second fight with Reign. So when that last fight happened, and she… she tried to save Supergirl. Once Sam was down, she ran to you, and she got there before us, and somehow she ended up giving you CPR, and she came to the DEO with us. I could see that moment when she realised that she might actually lose you. She nearly lost it right then, but she pulled herself together and she helped me get through it. Mom was around, but she never got to meet Lena because she was dealing with Sam, with trying to prove that she wasn’t Reign anymore. The military wanted to use her, to experiment on her, and Mom thought her energy was better spent proving that Reign was gone, because there wasn’t much we could do to help you.”

 

Alex stopped for a moment, taking a sip of her cooling coffee.

 

“Lena stayed around for a long time, Kara. She worked from that chair in the DEO, right by your bedside. I’m convinced she got sunburn from the sunlamps. But she did her best to run her companies and she stayed there with you, and some days we would just sit there, and we’d talk about you and laugh, or sometimes we’d just cry and hold each other.”

 

“When she saw what was happening with Sam – when she realised that Ruby was in the system, and that Sam was being illegally detained – she went kind of nuts. She screamed down the phone at so many people. She even threatened J’onn, and said that she’d buy an army to infiltrate the DEO if we didn’t set Sam free. Of course, it was the military who had her, and they were using our facilities without any concern for what anyone in the DEO wanted. Somehow Lena got to the President, and it turned out that the military, namely Sam Lane, was acting outside of its authority. The President sent Lane to the North Pole to shovel snow, and she let Sam out.”

 

“A few weeks after that, I found her sitting by your bedside in the middle of the night. 3, maybe 4am. She was crying, and she was talking to you. I couldn’t hear what she was saying. She got up, leaned over and kissed you, and from that day she never came back to your room. Not once. Of course, I asked her why. I demanded that she come back. I cried, I begged. I was heartbroken because I felt like no-one but Lena and I really felt your loss in the same way. She gave me all the same bullshit she gave to you, Kara. That she blamed you for Sam being incarcerated, that she blamed you for lying to her. But I know that wasn’t it, Kara. I don’t know what it was, but I think it had to do with something else. How she felt about you, specifically. She would never tell me, but I could see it. The whole thing with Sam, their relationship – it was nothing but a band-aid over a hole in her heart. A way she could feel safe, with someone who she was confident loved her and wouldn’t leave. She was too frightened that you’d never wake, Kara, and in my opinion, she backed away because it hurt too much. She was so afraid of losing you that she left you before you could leave her. I know that doesn’t really make sense, but I… I feel like it’s something you might understand. Being so afraid to be with someone that you cut them out entirely instead. Not that it’s something you would do, but I know that since you’ve lost so much, you probably get why someone might want to prevent further loss, even in a ridiculous, painful, stupid way like Lena did.”

 

Kara looked at her thoughtfully.

 

“You think that she loved me so much that she cut me out of her life so she wouldn’t have to lose me,” she said, flatly.

 

“It’s just my opinion,” Alex said, shrugging. “I’m not a shrink, nor am I some fancy empath from Timoslé, famed across the galaxies for my mind-healing.” She waved her hands in the air like she was a faith-healer.

 

Kara sniggered at that.

 

“You really wanted Dr Calabria to be incompetent, huh?”

 

Alex mumbled something, and Kara chose not to listen any more closely.

 

“So, that’s your opinion, then. That Lena has lost so much that she found it easier to take pre-emptive measures by leaving me behind in a coma, so that she didn’t have to feel too bad if I died.”

 

“It sounds bad when you say it like that,” Alex said, wincing. “But you can’t say you don’t understand it, Kara. I can see it in your eyes.”

 

“Say that I do. What difference does that make, now? She left me _again_ , Alex. I mean, I could have dealt with that, I think. If she’d stayed in touch, if we talked regularly and checked in with each other and maintained our relationship. But she… she did, for a while. Then the calls and texts slowed down, and then they just stopped. And when I came to National City with the President, she was at the DEO. Which clearly meant that she wasn’t working 24/7 at CatCo or L-Corp. So the radio silence wasn’t necessary. I don’t even know when things improved, or how. Because she never told me a _thing_ , Alex. I loved her, so much. And since she left, I’ve been trying to pick myself up again, to be me. I’ve had to start all over again. It feels like you’re trying to talk me into giving her another chance, and I just don’t know if I can, Alex. She’s the one who gets to cut me out, just in case she gets hurt. I don’t have that luxury. I’ve been left behind again, alone. How many times do I have to live with that? How many times do I have to be the one left alone in the dark, out in the cold?”

 

Alex stood quickly, rounding the breakfast bar and gathering Kara against her. Kara laid her head on her sister’s chest, letting Alex stroke her hair, and she cried in her arms, letting out the pain and tension she’d been carrying for weeks. Alex soothed her, kissed her hair, and drew her across to the couch where she held Kara tightly until she fell asleep.

 

They talked about it again, later, and Alex told her that she wasn’t trying to get Kara to take Lena back.

 

“I just want you to know. I’m on your side, Kar. Not Lena’s. I still care about her; she’s my friend and she helped me when you were gone, helped me to get on with my life, to live. She helped me get through that year, even though she did what she did to you. I want to be her friend, but if you want, I’ll tell her I don’t want to talk to her again.”

 

Kara shook her head.

 

“It’s okay. I understand, Alex. I don’t want you to cut a friend out of your life because of my fucked-up life. If she’s a good friend to you, that’s great.”

 

Alex sighed.

 

“Why do you have to be so noble all the time? You should be screaming at me for staying in touch with her. You should be kicking my ass.”

 

“Alex, I love you. I want you to be happy. You don’t make a lot of friends, and I have no desire to take any of them away from you. This thing is between Lena and me. We’re the ones who screwed this up. I mean… there’s an argument that it was just her. But I didn’t cover myself in glory when I woke from that coma, either. I ran away, I know that. I didn’t want to face what happened in the year I was gone, the fact that you and Maggie got married, the fact that Sam was out there saving National City after she almost killed me. The fact that I lost a year of my life. The fact that Lena wouldn’t even look at me. My friends were nowhere to be found after I woke up. I mean, they came to see me once, twice maybe, but then I was on my own. I guess I didn’t want to face things. I could have stayed, I could have fought to get my life back, but I didn’t think I could. So I left, and Cat gave me a refuge. I could have dealt with it all differently. I left my life behind and buried myself in a new one, ignoring who I was before. It wasn’t the healthiest coping mechanism. But in a way, it has worked out. I love it here. I miss National City, but this is my home now. My day job is important, sometimes just as important as being Supergirl. And Washington is a great city. People aren’t used to me yet, but they’ll get there. If you want Lena in your life, you don’t need my permission. She has hurt me a lot, but I will live. I was seeing someone, before. It wasn’t serious, but I guess it proves that… I can move on. I was, until Lena came here to apologise. I think… the episodes proved that there was a lot going on under the surface, and Lena… she was just the catalyst for it all. I believed that I was going back to that place, to the coma, to the Phantom Zone. And she helped me to come back from there, and I’m grateful for that. But I don’t think I can take her back after this, Alex. I can’t… How do I know she’s not just going to leave again? How can I ever trust that?”

 

Alex pushed back a lock of Kara’s hair, tucking it behind her ears.

 

“I love you so much, Kar. You’re the best. I was totally heartbroken when you left. But I understand, now. Maggie helped a lot. I felt like you’d abandoned me, in a way, and I felt guilty because I got married when you were in the coma. I felt like I’d given up on you. But I know how much you’ve been going through, and I’m so proud of you. You managed to get through this horrible experience, start again, take your new life and make it yours. I couldn’t be more proud. And if Lena asks me anything about you, she’s getting a solid ‘no comment’. Okay?”

 

Kara laughed.

 

“I love you too,” she said, squeezing Alex extra hard.

 

“I hope you don’t mind me telling you all that stuff, about when you were in the coma. I wasn’t trying to persuade you to take her back, okay? I just… I felt like you didn’t have all of the information. People do stupid shit when they’re scared, when they’re hurting. So maybe one day you can forgive her, if nothing else.”

 

“I don’t mind you telling me,” Kara said. “I appreciate that you care about her that much.”

 

“I care about you more, Kara. I wish that things had worked out with you both. I guess I still hope it does. But I understand why you might not want to take her back.”

 

The rest of Alex’s stay was punctuated with binge-watching, way, way too much takeout, and many sister talks. Alex was very interested in Kara’s relationship with Ally, brief as it had been, because she looked so much like Cat. She teased Kara unbearably for that. When it was time for her to leave, though, Kara was much more upset than she had expected.

 

“I like living here, but I hate being so far away,” she said, trying to hold back her tears.

 

“I’m only a few minutes away, okay?” Alex said, hugging Kara tightly. “You’re the one who can fly, Supergirl. If you miss me, you know how to find me. I’m always here for you. Always.”

 

She drew back, holding Kara by the shoulders and looking into her eyes. Kara nodded, smiling, and Alex hugged her again before heading past the security gate and onto her flight.

 

Kara had dinner with Cat again that week, and Cat offered to set her up with Leah, one of the President’s Secret Service agents, but not one who Kara had met during her time as Agent Zorella.

 

“I appreciate the offer, Cat. But I’m not ready,” she said, smiling slightly.

 

“Sometimes it’s better to get over someone by getting under someone else,” Cat said, after her fourth Martini.

 

“I pray to Rao that I never, ever have to hear you say that again,” Kara said, rolling her eyes.

 

“Just because it’s gross, doesn’t mean it’s wrong,” Cat said, dismissively.

 

Kara laughed, and later that night when she was floating high above the city, she considered trying to date someone knew. But like it or not, Lena still had her heart, even if Kara didn’t think she could ever take her back. Sometimes people just got into your heart, and no matter how much you tried to evict them, it didn’t work.


	17. Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam comes to visit Lena, and gives her a reality check.

* * *

Lena sat in her penthouse, staring out at the night sky. This apartment had so many memories for her. Happy memories, shit ones. In-between memories. The short time she’d spent here with Sam and Ruby, before they’d all moved in together. The time she’d spent with Kara, before all of the Reign business. Getting to know each other, becoming friends and then best friends. Then there was Kara’s surprise announcement, not long after Supergirl’s first beating at Reign’s hands. That one had stuck with her.

 

_Kara was nervous. More so than usual. She was fiddling with her glasses, wringing her hands together._

_“Are you okay, Kara?” Lena had asked, frowning._

_“Yes. Of course. It’s just… there’s something I need to tell you,” she said, tugging at her ponytail. Lena had never seen her do that before. She was gritting her teeth, and her eyes looked so… far away._

_“You can tell me anything,” Lena said, sitting down and patting the seat next to her._

_Kara sat down. She immediately lifted a cushion from Lena’s couch, sitting it in her lap and squeezing it until it looked like it would burst._

_“I… have to leave,” Kara said, in a rush. “I got a job, at a newspaper in Sydney. It’s… a couple of years undercover, investigating the slave trade. If I do it right, this will make my career. I’d be stupid not to.”_

_“What do you mean?” Lena asked. She suddenly felt like the bottom had dropped out of her world._

_“I… I’m leaving, Lena. Maybe for good. I think… probably, for good.”_

_“Did… did I do something wrong? Is something wrong with your job? Is it Snapper? I’ll fire him, Kara. I can’t…”_

_“I can’t stay,” Kara interrupted. “I’m sorry. I wish… I wish that I could. I really, really do. You didn’t do a thing wrong. You’re perfect.”_

_The way she looked at Lena then, was… it was like she was looking right into the heart of her, the very centre of her being. And the sadness in those eyes, the fear, the echoing loss… it made Lena’s heart clench in sympathetic pain._

_“Kara, whatever it is, whatever is wrong, we can fix it. You and I, together. We’ve been a good team this long. Why not do it again? We have always fixed things together, you and I, since we met.”_

_Lena pleaded with Kara, pleaded with her eyes. She thought about telling Kara, then. Telling her that she knew about Supergirl. But something in Kara’s eyes told her not to say it._

_“I can’t. This… it’s something I have to do, whether I like it or not. No matter how much I might wish things were different. I never… I wanted to be here, by your side, like I promised. To protect you. But I can’t do that. I’m so sorry, Lena.”_

_She put her head down, burying her face in the cushion she was still squeezing to within an inch of its life._

_Lena reached over and touched her hand tentatively._

_“Kara, whatever it is, I support you. Whatever you need. I don’t want you to go. I’ll miss you, so much. You’re my best friend. You’re so much more than that. But if it’s what you need, then I will be there to wave you off, and I will send you letters or emails or postcards or I’ll drop you potstickers from a plane, whatever you need. I’m so sorry that you have to go. It seems like you don’t want to.”_

_Kara choked out a sob. Lena was startled, and she pulled Kara’s arm, urging her closer. Kara fell into her, head resting on Lena’s chest, and she cried for a few minutes, Lena whispering into her hair, reassuring her, telling her that she was loved. Then Kara sat bolt upright, almost hitting Lena’s chin with her head._

_“I’m sorry, Lee. I have to go. I love you. You take care of yourself for me, okay? Promise me?”_

_Lena nodded, dumbly. Kara leaned over and kissed her on the cheek._

_“You’re my favourite, Lena Luthor.”_

_She was gone so quickly then that Lena would have been incredibly confused, had she not already known that Kara was Supergirl. The look in Kara’s eyes, like she was walking to her own execution, it stuck in Lena’s head, especially later that night when she watched Supergirl fall again, watched Reign fall, saw the light go out in Kara’s eyes. That was the moment that Lena’s heart shattered, because if she didn’t have Kara, she had no-one, nothing. She had been falling in love with Kara ever since she met her, and now Kara might be gone forever. She couldn’t possibly survive the beating she’d been given. The head injuries alone were horrific, bones shattered, crushed into powder. How could she survive that?_

_Lena watched as her whole world died in front of her, and something inside of her withered, went from full and beautiful to wizened, dying, lost. Kara was gone and without her, Lena didn’t know what to do._

Lena shook her head, trying to rid herself of the pain of those memories. Kara meant so much to her, and in many ways she was baffled by her own actions. What on earth had possessed her to behave the way she had? To decide to leave Kara’s bedside, leave her to her coma, and agree to marriage with Sam? What was she thinking? She still had no idea.

 

Which led her to this most recent act of lunacy. Not the leaving itself; that was something she and Kara both needed, and she stood by it. But the gradual decline in communication with Kara, the decision to ignore her texts and voice messages. Kara had tried, and so had she, for a while, but then… it was like she gave up. Seeing Sam more had reminded her of what she’d done to both Sam and Ruby, and talking with Alex… well, Alex told her about all of the crying Sam had done over Lena and Kara cheating on her. Sam had let it go because she said that what Lena and Kara had was the unstoppable force, yes, but that didn’t mean she didn’t hurt when Lena had decided to start sleeping with Kara - no matter how noble her intentions were in doing so.

 

Lena had grown more and more ashamed of her actions, and instead of talking about it sensibly, finding a therapist or talking to a friend, she withdrew. She brooded over her actions, deciding eventually that she didn’t deserve Kara, listening to her voice on her messages, noting how despondent Kara was becoming each time Lena didn’t return her calls. She told herself it was for the best. To let Kara down, so that she could find someone else, someone worthy. The thought of how happy they were when they were together, she pushed from her mind. That wasn’t relevant, not when she had destroyed so much already.

 

She never considered that she was so scared of losing Kara that it was easier to push her away. She didn’t have that sort of insight into her own behaviour. Her own actions were born from her own instinct toward self-preservation, but she didn’t recognise that, having spent so many years trying to protect herself from the Luthors and anyone else who wished to hurt her.

 

Other thoughts plagued her as she stood, grabbing her glass of wine and stepping out onto the balcony. What if she was wrong? What if Kara still needed her to pull her back from the brink? She’d managed to keep in touch with Dr Calabria, at least, who kept her up-to-date with Kara’s condition. But just because she hadn’t had another episode since well before Lena left, that didn’t mean that she wouldn’t ever have one again. PTSD was strange that way, or so Lena had read. Plus there was the Kryptonian thing, the unknown factor of Kara’s psyche.

 

She sighed as she stared blindly at the city. Her shame at her own behaviour was eating at her. She downed the remainder of her wine, sighing bitterly.

 

“Hey, stranger.”

 

The voice came from above her, and she looked up to see Sam floating there in her Superwoman costume, a smile on her face.

 

“Hi,” Lena said, weakly. She had done this woman so much wrong. She didn’t hear Sam sigh.

 

Sam set herself down on the balcony next to Lena.

 

“You’re an idiot, you know that?” she said, pleasantly, nudging Lena’s shoulder with hers.

 

“Um… thank you?” Lena said, frowning.

 

“You had the best thing in the world. You had real, true love, with someone who you should never have met, all things being equal. The universe bent itself around Kara Zor-El to get her here, and you two fell in love, and you threw it all away. Twice. First when she was in the coma, then when you two finally seemed to get your shit together. So I ask you. What the hell is wrong with you?”

 

Sam turned to look at her, and she looked angry. For the second time since Reign’s demise, Sam looked like she could kill.

 

“You hurt me so badly, Lena Luthor. I loved you. So, so much. I would have given you anything. And I can accept that you cheated on me if your relationship with Kara is as important as I think it is. What I will _not_ accept, however, is you throwing that relationship away for what seems to be no good reason at all. Do you care to explain yourself to me? Bear in mind that I had to hold my daughter while she wept over the loss of the woman she considered a second mother. So you had better not lie to me.”

 

Lena was taken aback, and more than a little frightened. Her Sam, her sunny, sweet friend and then girlfriend, looked dark and almost evil. She had a right to be, though. Lena took a deep breath.

 

She tried to explain it. She did. She told Sam what she’d been telling herself. That she wasn’t worthy of Kara, that she’d hurt her enough. That no-one who had hurt Sam and Ruby the way she did could ever, ever be worth the love of a superhero.

 

Sam looked at her in disgust once she was finished with her litany of sins, her list of reasons why Kara was better off without her.

 

“You really are an idiot. I thought maybe something else had happened, that Kara had hurt you, but I guess what Alex told me is right. You gradually stopped contacting her after leaving her so abruptly, and your justification for that is that Kara will be better off without you? Who gets to decide that? You? What about Kara? Doesn’t she get a say in what she deserves? Doesn’t she get a chance to choose her own happiness? Are you really that self-absorbed that you don’t realise that you have all the power here, because you’re willing to hurt her over some misguided idea that you’re actually saving her? You know she would never do that to you, Lena. And I know that you know that your relationship with Kara is the real thing. That both of you are happier together than you are apart. I used to respect you so much, and now I can’t imagine why, because all I see before me is a coward. Someone with so much self-loathing that they can’t comprehend the idea that they might be good for someone. Someone willing to hurt the one they love rather than admit that they might, actually, have something to contribute. Are you really that frightened of failure that you would give up on Kara?”

 

Lena stared at Sam, tears welling up in her eyes.

 

“I’m so sorry,” she said, eventually, choking back tears. “You’ve been so great about everything, I almost forgot how much I hurt you. And you’re right. Kara deserves to choose me if she wants. I don’t get to decide for her, or run away when things get scary. Maybe I can’t be that person, maybe I’ll never be strong enough for her, but I owe it to her, and to you and Ruby, to try. And I will, I promise you,” she said, fervently, looking Sam fully in the eye. “I will do anything to make it up to her. I’m not sure how to start, but I will. I know that, if she does take me back, I have people who will stand up to me if I’ve messed up, if I do something unworthy of her. People like you, and Alex and Maggie, and Ruby, because she’s so awesome and I would have been so honoured to be her mother, if things had been different. I’m so sorry, Sam.”

 

Sam looked at her, sighing, and she pulled Lena into her arms. It was strange, getting that close to Sam after everything, but it still felt comfortable, and Lena let herself sink into it.

 

“You had better not fuck this up, Lena. I swear. If you do, I’m going to leave Ruby with you for a month and feed her nothing but sugar.”

 

“You’re serious?” Lena said, blanching.

 

“As the grave,” Sam said, raising an eyebrow.

 

“Jesus. I better get my act together then, huh?”

 

“You better,” Sam said, and then she dropped her stern demeanour and smiled. “I love you, Luthor.”

 

She squeezed Lena again and then stepped back, taking off slowly. “Smell you later,” she said, grinning, and then she blasted off into the sky.

 

Lena smiled for half an hour afterwards. She decided there and then that she was going to find a good therapist and get herself under control. And to open lines of communication between her and Kara again. It was past time she fixed what she’d broken.

 

The next breath of air she took lifted a weight from her, and she smiled up at the stars. She could do this, for Kara. She _would_ do this, even if Kara never wanted her back. She’d do her best to make it up to her, to make things right. Kara Zor-El deserved better, and she was going to be better.

 

***

 

 

A few weeks after her ‘anniversary’, Kara had a call from Alex. They had intelligence that the remainder of Cadmus was coming for Lena, as revenge for her involvement in designing the Kryptonite-proof suits that the supers were now wearing. The worrying part was that Lex was said to be giving the orders at Cadmus somehow, from his jail cell. Alex told Kara that if she heard her watch, then she was to fly straight to L-Corp. Sam, of course, was keeping a close eye on the situation, but since Lex was known to not care about how many people he killed in his pursuit of his goals, they wanted all of the Supers on alert.

 

Kara promised she’d be there as quickly as she could, and went back to work. The threats against the President had ceased, Cadmus apparently having decided that she was a secondary target, now, and focusing on Lena. Kara asked the DEO to keep her in the loop as to any intelligence that came to them concerning Cadmus’s next move, and she spent a few nights poring over paperwork and half-decoded emails, trying to decipher what they were planning.

 

In the end, it didn’t matter. Cadmus managed to infiltrate L-Corp (assuming that they hadn’t been there since Lex’s days as CEO) and they bombed the huge building’s foundations, causing it to collapse from the bottom upwards like it was being destroyed by a controlled explosion. Sam was nearby and caught the top section of the building before it collapsed down, leaving the top two thirds intact. J’onn was there, too, and they managed to hold the building between them. But it was a huge building, and the other Supers were needed immediately.

 

Kara was halfway to National City by the time the news report was done, the piercing tone from Alex’s watch ringing in her ears. She arrived at the same time as Kal-El, and they took separate sides of the building. Now it was being held up by 4 superpowered beings, but even they couldn’t hold it for long.

 

“We need to move it to somewhere unpopulated,” Kara yelled into her comms. The others agreed, and they flew the top 2/3 of the huge skyscraper up and into the air, finding a huge empty space nearby that was about to be built on, but hadn’t been yet. Kara started to melt the recently-laid foundations with her heat vision, and Sam and Kal-El followed suit. Soon enough the foundations were red hot, and the 4 super-strong beings set the building carefully into the concrete and steel soup, before cooling it into place gently with freeze breath. Then Kal flew in the lower windows to help those trapped on the lower floors, J’onn in the middle, and Kara and Sam straight to the top.

 

It was worse than she’d expected. Lena was surrounded by Cadmus agents, one holding up a recording device, presumably so that Lex could witness his sister’s death.

 

“Ah, the Super women are here. Turn me around, Agent Reynolds.”

 

The woman holding the recording device (which turned out to be a huge tablet, presumably of Lex’s own design) turned it so that Kara could see, and Kara stared at the face of her cousin’s arch-nemesis and almost-killer.

 

“Welcome,” he said, grinning with delight. “It’s so good to see you, Kara, Sam. You remember Lena, of course. My traitorous sister, who’d rather sleep with the enemy than help her family. You’re here just in time to see her sad end.”

 

He barked the word ‘fire’ but Kara was already in motion, pulling guns from hands and stepping in front of Lena. Sam was doing the same, but both of them realised at the same time that they weren’t moving at super-speed.

 

“Kara!” Sam yelled, as she struggled with a man taller than her, who was fighting back harder than she’d expected.

 

Kara stared at Sam, who was looking at her in terror, and then there was liquid filling her mouth. She coughed, and blood spattered the face of the agent in front of her. The agent smiled and raised the gun again, firing multiple rounds into Kara’s abdomen. Kara felt them hit, this time, and she stumbled backward, but then pushed herself forward, grabbing the gun and pushing it away feebly. The Cadmus agent grinned, this time, pulling her sidearm instead and pointing it right at Kara’s face. She felt like time stopped. How was this even happening? The suit negated the effects of Kryptonite. Her eyes went to the Agent’s belt, where a small device was attached. Clearly it was mimicking the effect of the red sun. Kara grabbed it, hitting the agent in the face with it, stunning her long enough for Kara to croak a few words out.

 

“Sam. Red sun radiation. Break them,” she said, before collapsing forwards onto her knees. The woman raised her weapon again, no longer smiling.

 

“Lights out, Supergirl,” she said, sneering.

 

Kara didn’t see what happened next. She pitched forward onto her face, and she couldn’t see what was happening. But no-one else shot her, though she did hear the sound of gunshots.

 

She was pulled onto her back. She tried to protest, but there wasn’t enough breath in her lungs. Everything was agony and fire.

 

Lena was looking at her, tears in her eyes, blood on her face.

 

“Are you… did they get you?” Kara croaked out.

 

“No,” Lena said, smiling. “Thanks to you, I’m fine. You always protect me.”

 

“Good,” Kara said, her eyes rolling back in their sockets. “Don’t let them hurt Lena.”

 

She didn’t remember much of the following few days. Just distant beeping and shouting and crying, sometimes. She didn’t like the crying. And she was so tired of this in-between place. She didn’t want to go back to it. She wanted Rao’s light, sure, but not yet. She needed to go home, where the woman with the red lips and green eyes lived. So as soon as she was able, she opened her eyes. She moved, she breathed, she fought. And she won.

 

“Kara,” a voice breathed.

 

She tried to move her head, but she was so tired.

 

“Hey,” she managed to rasp out, “I can’t move but I’m in here.”

 

“You are, aren’t you,” the voice said. Then there was a face. Alex.

 

“You really have to stop scaring the shit out of me, Kara Zor-El,” she said, but her face was covered in tears and she was smiling widely.

 

“You love it. You’re a slut for all the drama,” Kara said, chuckling. It made her cough, and she felt something like a tearing in her chest and abdomen. She stopped laughing abruptly.

 

“What happened?” she asked.

 

“Lex,” Alex spat. “He treated the bullets with something, a substance that inhibits your healing. You’ve had four surgeries, but your body still hasn’t managed to expel it all. Lena’s working on it.”

 

“He doesn’t give up, does he?” Kara said, sighing. “How many people?”

 

“198,” Alex said, briskly. “The building collapse was responsible for most of those deaths. But the agents did their work well, too. They killed a lot of good people. Targeted some of LCorp’s best scientists before they went to kill Lena.”

 

“Is she okay?” Kara asked.

 

“Thanks to you, yes. She has a bruise on her face – one of them hit her with a gun. They were waiting, on Lex’s orders, until you got there. You were meant to die there together – that was his plan.”

 

“Asshole,” Kara muttered.

 

“Yeah,” Alex said. “Anyway, I promised everyone I’d let them in as soon as you woke. That okay with you?”

 

“Sure,” Kara said. It wasn’t like she could fight them off.

 

Eliza and Winn came in first, and there were more tears and promises to be more careful. But Kara knew she’d never be more careful, not when it came to other’s lives. Especially not when it was people that she loved.

 

Then it was Sam and Lena, and Ruby.

 

“Hey there, Supergirl,” Sam said, limping slightly. “I’m gonna have to give you my name if you keep saving my ass like this.”

 

“You’re thirteen years younger than me, Miss In-Ze. You should never have been called Superwoman in the first place,” Kara retorted.

 

“I owe you,” Sam said, quietly. She was looking down at Kara with a fond smile on her face.

 

“Stop with all that, will you?” Kara said, rolling her eyes. “We help each other. That’s what we do. You don’t owe me, and I don’t owe you. We’re family.”

 

Sam nodded, smiling, and Kara offered her arm. Sam clasped Kara’s forearm, and Kara reciprocated.

 

“El Mayarah,” they both said, smiling.

 

“Indeed,” Lena said. Sam moved out of the way, and Lena looked down at Kara, her face even paler than ever and her eyes black underneath. “You scared me half to death,” she said, eyes wide.

 

“I didn’t mean to,” Kara said quietly. “I couldn’t just let Lex Luthor kill you, could I? I mean, that would look terrible on my permanent superhero record.”

 

“That’s a good point,” Lena said, nodding. “I guess I shouldn’t thank you then, if you were just keeping your permanent record clean.”

 

“Probably not,” Kara said, trying for impassive and suave. “I would have done the same for anyone, Miss Luthor.”

 

Lena looked down at her, clearly fighting back tears. Kara just smiled.

 

“Would you just kiss her already?” Ruby shouted, pushing Lena forward. Lena lifted an eyebrow at Kara, who shrugged slightly. Lena held her eyes as she bent down, and then she was kissing Kara softly. It was exactly what Kara had been dreaming of in that in-between place, and she was so relieved by it that she gasped.

 

“Hey, keep it PG. Children present,” Sam said, pretending to be scandalised.

 

“Oh shut up, cuz,” Kara said, pulling Lena down for a longer kiss.

 

“I owe you so many apologies, Kara,” Lena murmured, after Kara let her go.

 

“We can talk about all that later,” Kara said quietly. “But for now, you won’t leave, will you?”

 

“No,” Lena said, nodding. “I promise. As soon as I’ve made a counter-agent to flush that stuff from your system so you can heal, I’m all yours.”

 

Kara tried not to be cynical; after all, Lena had made that promise before. She hoped that this time would be different. But for now, she chose to have faith. She loved Lena, and being without her was too hard. She couldn’t let things carry on the way they had been. It was make or break time, and she could see that Lena felt the same.

 

Her next visitors were James and Maggie and Lucy, who had come from the desert base specially to check on Kara. After that, however, Cat knocked on her door, the President in her wake.

 

“Well, Supergirl. You’ve gone and got yourself into a pickle again, I see,” Cat said,

 

“Yeah, sorry about that, Cat. Just a little issue,” she said, gesturing at the thick bandages covering her midsection.

 

“You were shot eight times, Kara,” Cat said, her jaw tight. “You died twice on the way here. You could so easily have died.”

 

“I know,” Kara said, calmly. “And I would do it again, even knowing that their bullets could harm me. I don’t leave innocent people in harm’s way. That’s not who I am, and you know that.”

 

Cat glared at her, and the President looked at her, one eyebrow up. But her expression was fond, and she ran her hand along Cat’s forearm before taking her hand and rubbing at her knuckles gently.

 

“What Cat is trying to say is that we are indebted to you – all four of you, but you in particular, Kara – for saving National City from what could very well have been a disaster. There were almost a thousand employees in L-Corp that day, and had the building come down, all of them and many people in the area would have died. Because of you, the death toll stopped at 198. But I’m aware that this time was too close for comfort, Supergirl. Had Lex managed to kill you and Lena Luthor, he would have left a great void. Clearly we have a problem with Mr Luthor that we cannot solve simply by keeping him in jail. Part of the reason for my visit here is to ask if you have any ideas as to what we should do with him.”

 

Kara raised both eyebrows, shocked. Are they suggesting capital punishment?

 

“I was thinking that perhaps the Phantom Zone would be a fitting place for him to spend the rest of his days,” the President said, as if hearing Kara’s thoughts.

 

Kara thought about it. She didn’t mind the idea. If anyone deserved the Phantom Zone, it was Lex. But Rao only knew who else was still in that place. All of Krypton’s worst criminals had ended up in there, and not all in Fort Rozz. Jax-Ur, the scientist who had destroyed one of Krypton’s moons, was roaming around in there still, because time did not pass and therefore he wouldn’t age. Unless he was killed. The idea of Lex Luthor meeting Jax-Ur (and Rao knew who else) made her shudder. If they managed somehow to get out? They could (and would) destroy worlds together.

 

“I think that would be a great idea if we could ensure that he’d be alone. But there are definitely others there, and the idea of Lex being locked up with a bunch of possibly super-powered aliens – that terrifies me. Some of those in the Phantom Zone are from your worst nightmares, much worse than those who came down with Fort Rozz,” Kara said. She paused, thinking. “We have some stasis pods here at the DEO, from when Mon-El and his Legion were here. If we could modify one of those to never let him out, I think that would be a fitting punishment. And even Lex Luthor couldn’t do any harm while asleep,” she said thoughtfully.

 

“That sounds like an idea with a lot of merit,” the President said. “Let me speak to the Director, and we’ll see if we can’t have him moved there within the week. Thank you, Supergirl, for your continued hard work protecting the nation and protecting me. You are perhaps our greatest asset in the fight for alien equality. I will not forget what you’ve done here.”

 

She clasped Kara’s hand in both of hers, before marching out of the room, presumably to find J’onn. Kara breathed out a sigh of relief.

 

“She has a presence about her, doesn’t she,” Cat said, dreamily.

 

“That she does,” Kara agreed. She winced at a sharp twinge in her abdomen.

 

“So what’s the story, Supergirl? Are you super, or are you not?” Cat asked, standing next to her.

 

“Not so super right now,” Kara said, coughing and holding on to her ribs. “But Lena’s working on neutralising the substance he put on the bullets. With any luck, I’ll be super again soon enough.”

 

“How close was it?” Cat asked quietly.

 

“Very,” Kara said. “You know I got shot a lot. I had no idea I was powerless until I stood in front of Lena, and by that stage I’d already been shot a few times. I must have been in shock.”

 

“I’d imagine so,” Cat said. “How do you feel, now? Should I ask Dr Calabria to come up and see you?”

 

“Not necessary,” Kara said, smiling. “I’m fine. I didn’t enjoy being unconscious, but I wasn’t in that place again, so it’s all good. I’ll see her again when I’m back in DC.”

 

Cat nodded, and she sat there, holding Kara’s hand, for several hours, while Alex and Dr Hamilton and others bustled in and out, taking various readings and samples and frowning at them studiously.

 

Kara nodded off with Cat still next to her, her boss stroking her hair and humming quietly to herself as she tapped on her tablet with her free hand. It was soothing and Kara was too tired to resist.

 

When she woke, Lena was spooning her in the hospital bed, one of her hands on Kara’s hip and the other tangled in her hair. Kara sighed in relief and fell asleep again.

 

Alex woke her the following morning, apologising that Lena wasn’t there.

 

“She’s in the lab, and she’s close to cracking an antidote for that stuff on the bullets,” Alex said. “I hope I’m an okay substitute for now.”

 

“Of course,” Kara said, grinning. “I’ve missed you.”

 

“I’ve missed you too,” Alex said, stroking Kara’s hair back from her face. “You have been scaring me way too often recently.”

 

“It’s not exactly my fault,” Kara said, trying to shrug. She winced, however, as her abdomen pulled painfully.

 

“I know,” Alex said. “It’s who you are, running towards the bullets. But it doesn’t mean I worry any less.”

 

“And I don’t worry any less about you, either,” Kara pointed out. “At least I’m usually invulnerable.”

 

Alex rolled her eyes.

 

“And I’m a fully-trained, lethal secret agent. What exactly is your point?”

 

Kara chuckled. “You’re kind of full of yourself, do you know that?”

 

Alex gave her a mock-glare. They laughed at each other for a few minutes, Kara clutching at her abdomen as pain accompanied each laugh. They both sobered up when Kara’s eyes teared up in pain.

 

There was a few minutes of silence before Alex spoke again.

 

“You’re not coming back to National City, are you?” Alex asked, eyes narrowed.

 

“No,” Kara said.

 

The breath left Alex’s lungs in a rush.

 

“I hoped you would change your mind,” she said, resigned. “I have missed you so much. But I understand why you felt the need to leave. And I get that you’ve made this amazing new life now, working for the President and changing the world in a different way.”

 

“It’s not that I don’t want to come back,” Kara said, thoughtfully. “But my life, whatever it was before, it’s not that, now. I’m not the same person I was before Reign came. And I have found working for the President really satisfying. Cat’s a great boss, and when there are any extranormal threats against the President, Agent Kay Zorella can swing into action.”

 

“You’re such a goof,” Alex said, shaking her head.

 

“Hey, just because you’re jealous that I get to be a Secret Service Agent for real, and you just have the badge – don’t take it out on me, baby,” Kara said, mockingly.

 

“You’re lucky you’re injured or I would kick your ass so hard for that,” Alex said, glaring.

 

“Whatever, Agent what’s your name.”

 

Alex went to tickle her into submission and then stopped when Kara winced at the stabbing feeling that accompanied her movements.

 

“How much does it hurt?” Alex asked, standing up, looking concerned at the paleness of Kara’s face.

 

“More than Kryptonite,” Kara said, taking short, shallow breaths so as not to have her chest move too much.

 

“I need to take a look,” Alex said. Kara nodded, and she pulled back the sheets and lifted the bandages on Kara’s abdomen. She hissed, and Kara winced again as she saw the red lines radiating from the wound. And the colour of parts of the wound – it looked almost as green as Kryptonite.

 

“Shit. I hope Lena’s nearly done with that antidote,” Alex said. “Just… hold on for me, Kar. Okay?” Her eyes were wide with fear.

 

Kara nodded, but she was starting to feel much worse, suddenly, her mind swirling, her body suddenly too hot and freezing cold simultaneously. She heard Alex shouting her name, and then she was swimming again, underground, underwater, alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everyone. I have some work to do on this story, and I won't be updating for a while. This is not the only reason - I have had a family bereavement and I'm not in the headspace to continue to write this just at the moment. I know this fic has been a bit more controversial than most of my others, and I take that on board, I promise. However, if you want to make a negative comment about this chapter or this story in general, about the way I write, about me putting off writing this for a while, please, be kind instead, and save your concerns until the next update. I lost someone I love and I really could do with a little kindness right now. I have other stories ongoing, and may write new pieces in the meantime, so please don't be pissed about that - I will get back to this and finish it as soon as I'm capable. Best wishes, Kellsbells


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